![A Christmas Queef Audiobook By Asher Dark cover art](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51JbFcWBbfL._SL500_.jpg)
A Christmas Queef
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
![Prime logo](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/G/01/Audible/Homestead/Prime_Logo_RGB.png)
Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $6.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Evan Crowley
-
By:
-
Asher Dark
About this listen
Get ready for the most outrageous Christmas story you’ll ever listen to!
No villain is safe when Sally Claus decides to bring justice to the naughty list.
Packed with dark humor, glittery chaos, and over-the-top gore, A Christmas Queef is a hilariously twisted holiday horror that’s equal parts shocking and satisfying.
Not your typical Christmas tale—this one’s got blood, guts, and a little magic. Perfect for fans of splatterpunk with a festive twist!
People who viewed this also viewed...
-
Frontier Mage 1
- By: Dante King, Sam Howard
- Narrated by: Renée Nolen, Alfie Syme
- Length: 11 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Can a legendary warrior become a mage? Can a master of the sword take up the staff? With a little help, one swordsman intends to do just that. Master swordsman Leo Faulkner travels to Crestmarch, a frontier town, where he hopes to learn wild magic. Fortunately for him, the beautiful Mage Seer Elizabeth Kincaid agrees to be his tutor.
By: Dante King, and others
-
Here, There Be Dorfs!
- By: Montgomery Quinn
- Narrated by: Ilse Max, Phillip Polite
- Length: 6 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
I never thought, after all those fantasy novels. That I would ever live through one. My name is Tobias Conner-Kyanite. And yeah. That name is still something I’m not quite used to yet. Most of this was an accident. But not a regret. Not even a little. I’d like to say, that boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl and boy marries girl. Unfortunately, or I like to think, fortunately.
-
-
Great twist to Isekai
- By A Marin on 02-02-25
By: Montgomery Quinn
-
No Guilt of Bloodshed
- By: John Baltisberger
- Narrated by: Stacy Carolan
- Length: 5 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Malechai ben Pallache, a Ukranian-Jew and soldier of fortune who has made his way through the world fueled by blood and pain has been enlisted to hunt down Dragan, the bastard priest who kicked off the pogroms before fleeing to California. But the profane holy man has more than blood on his hands, he has also stolen a box that holds terrible evil. Brodie is infested with hungry demons and dangerous men, gold and vice drawing in the worst that humanity or demonkind have to offer, all standing between Malechai and the priest. But, he does not travel alone.
-
Darkest Dimensions
- 52 Terrifying Tales of Horror and the Supernatural (Never Sleep Again)
- By: Mr. Michael Squid, Velox Books
- Narrated by: Sean"DrC" Cordry
- Length: 9 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This collection of over 50 stories from NoSleep master Michael Squid delivers fresh terrors from the darkest dimensions. Blending horror and science fiction, these unique and startling tales will seep into your subconscious and fuel your nightmares with disturbing new imagery.
By: Mr. Michael Squid, and others
-
Regen
- The Genetically Modified Series
- By: Jason Anthony Peffley
- Narrated by: Russell Newton
- Length: 14 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
What if the human body could heal itself? In the 21st century genetic editing went from science fiction to reality. Zarkon Pharmaceuticals is a biotech company that specializes in regenerative medicine. Martin, an eager neuroscientist at Zarkon, realizes that by studying animals capable of regrowing and regenerating their bodies, they could soon transfer those traits into humans. His research is on the cusp of curing Alzheimer’s, brain damage, severed nerves, spinal cord injuries, and even missing limbs.
-
Rise of the Strongest Girl Next Door 1
- LitRPG with a Yandere Twist
- By: Yuki Knightley, Gwen Grayson
- Narrated by: Aurora Bliss, Jonathan Waters
- Length: 10 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As a C-Tier Lifeblade, Ethan keeps his head down, works hard, and always hits his mark. His skills might not be flashy, but they get the job done—and in SlayerCorp's cutthroat portal acquisitions industry, reliability makes you valuable. He’s built a solid rep as the go-to healer who can hold his own in any situation, with a resume that's earned him the respect and admiration of his peers. But Ethan's biggest challenge isn’t in the dungeons he clears or the creatures he fights. It’s Lily Chen.
-
-
Fantastic promise
- By Kindle Customer on 02-05-25
By: Yuki Knightley, and others
-
Frontier Mage 1
- By: Dante King, Sam Howard
- Narrated by: Renée Nolen, Alfie Syme
- Length: 11 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Can a legendary warrior become a mage? Can a master of the sword take up the staff? With a little help, one swordsman intends to do just that. Master swordsman Leo Faulkner travels to Crestmarch, a frontier town, where he hopes to learn wild magic. Fortunately for him, the beautiful Mage Seer Elizabeth Kincaid agrees to be his tutor.
By: Dante King, and others
-
Here, There Be Dorfs!
- By: Montgomery Quinn
- Narrated by: Ilse Max, Phillip Polite
- Length: 6 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
I never thought, after all those fantasy novels. That I would ever live through one. My name is Tobias Conner-Kyanite. And yeah. That name is still something I’m not quite used to yet. Most of this was an accident. But not a regret. Not even a little. I’d like to say, that boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl and boy marries girl. Unfortunately, or I like to think, fortunately.
-
-
Great twist to Isekai
- By A Marin on 02-02-25
By: Montgomery Quinn
-
No Guilt of Bloodshed
- By: John Baltisberger
- Narrated by: Stacy Carolan
- Length: 5 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Malechai ben Pallache, a Ukranian-Jew and soldier of fortune who has made his way through the world fueled by blood and pain has been enlisted to hunt down Dragan, the bastard priest who kicked off the pogroms before fleeing to California. But the profane holy man has more than blood on his hands, he has also stolen a box that holds terrible evil. Brodie is infested with hungry demons and dangerous men, gold and vice drawing in the worst that humanity or demonkind have to offer, all standing between Malechai and the priest. But, he does not travel alone.
-
Darkest Dimensions
- 52 Terrifying Tales of Horror and the Supernatural (Never Sleep Again)
- By: Mr. Michael Squid, Velox Books
- Narrated by: Sean"DrC" Cordry
- Length: 9 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This collection of over 50 stories from NoSleep master Michael Squid delivers fresh terrors from the darkest dimensions. Blending horror and science fiction, these unique and startling tales will seep into your subconscious and fuel your nightmares with disturbing new imagery.
By: Mr. Michael Squid, and others
-
Regen
- The Genetically Modified Series
- By: Jason Anthony Peffley
- Narrated by: Russell Newton
- Length: 14 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
What if the human body could heal itself? In the 21st century genetic editing went from science fiction to reality. Zarkon Pharmaceuticals is a biotech company that specializes in regenerative medicine. Martin, an eager neuroscientist at Zarkon, realizes that by studying animals capable of regrowing and regenerating their bodies, they could soon transfer those traits into humans. His research is on the cusp of curing Alzheimer’s, brain damage, severed nerves, spinal cord injuries, and even missing limbs.
-
Rise of the Strongest Girl Next Door 1
- LitRPG with a Yandere Twist
- By: Yuki Knightley, Gwen Grayson
- Narrated by: Aurora Bliss, Jonathan Waters
- Length: 10 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As a C-Tier Lifeblade, Ethan keeps his head down, works hard, and always hits his mark. His skills might not be flashy, but they get the job done—and in SlayerCorp's cutthroat portal acquisitions industry, reliability makes you valuable. He’s built a solid rep as the go-to healer who can hold his own in any situation, with a resume that's earned him the respect and admiration of his peers. But Ethan's biggest challenge isn’t in the dungeons he clears or the creatures he fights. It’s Lily Chen.
-
-
Fantastic promise
- By Kindle Customer on 02-05-25
By: Yuki Knightley, and others
-
The List
- By: J. A. Konrath
- Narrated by: Benjamin L. Darcie
- Length: 8 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
They are ten strangers with one thing in common: A mysterious tattoo on the bottom of their feet. None of them know how it got there or what it means. One of them is a homicide cop who’s determined to find out. All of them are marked for death - because they’re next on...The List. The explosive thriller from bestselling author J.A. Konrath, The List takes you deep inside a top-secret techno-conspiracy that’s too shocking to comprehend, too insidious to detect, and far too powerful to stop....
-
-
Better than expected
- By Sammie on 07-19-19
By: J. A. Konrath
-
I Summoned My What?!
- By: Montgomery Quinn
- Narrated by: Raya Kane, Wayne Kelly
- Length: 7 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Wanting to go into business with his best friend, Evie, Calon never could have expected how his life would turn in an instant. Rushing into the burning home of a neighbor, the unthinkable happens, and our fearless main character dies a hero. Only...he doesn't quite make it to the afterlife.
-
-
really bad
- By Anonymous User on 04-26-23
By: Montgomery Quinn
-
Dark Mage 1: Paladin's Fall
- By: DB King
- Narrated by: Dustin Naylor
- Length: 11 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ethan is a Sun Paladin, one of the most formidable holy warriors of the Empire of the New Dawn. After distinguishing himself in battle, he is offered a promotion to the rank of captain, but only if he undertakes a Warrior Pilgrimage to hunt down and slay an evil sorceress. His quest brings him to the wilds of Sturmgard, where he is confronted with ravenous werewolves, dark sorcery, and questions of his heritage and his true destiny.
By: DB King
-
Dungeon Explorers
- A Dungeon Academy LitRPG
- By: Alex Prone, Marcus Sloss
- Narrated by: Melanie Hastings, Boise Blue
- Length: 10 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
One perfectly ordinary day turned into chaos, but it wasn’t all bad. Sure, I had to fight for my life, but I also rescued the darling damsel Sophia and met the legendary adventurer Stormbreaker. That fateful encounter unlocked a rare and mysterious new class: [Runesmith]. To top it off, I earned a spot in the Dungeon Divers Guild. Now the race for survival starts. The fear of starving to death hangs over their heads due to the increased metabolism their higher attributes give them.
By: Alex Prone, and others
-
Oath of Vengeance
- Scion's Journey, Book 1
- By: Dave Willmarth
- Narrated by: Jessica Threet, Eric Jason Martin
- Length: 17 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Finn was living a good life as a blacksmith's apprentice, training hard to earn the right to become one of the Kingsguard, the elite force of one hundred knights that serve and protect the King. He worked hard, trained hard, and often got into trouble with his best friend, Prince Galen. The two of them had been almost inseparable since they were toddlers. For Finn, life couldn't be better. Until a force of assassins and mercenaries attacked the palace! Prince Galen and the entire royal family were murdered, along with Finn's father.
-
-
another amazingly fun ride by dave
- By Eddie W (LtSheppardXxL) on 02-04-25
By: Dave Willmarth
-
Midnights
- Short Stories
- By: Greig Beck
- Narrated by: Sean Mangan
- Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This short story collection will take you into the depths of Beck’s dark imagination: from what happens when the deepest bore hole on Earth has just passed nine miles and hits a strange open space – and it's hellishly hot down there; to an Antarctic research team examining fragments from a deep ice glacier and discovers a tiny seed that, once thawed, grows into something terrifyingly unexpected.
-
-
Never a bad Beck tale!
- By A. Hunt on 02-06-25
By: Greig Beck
-
Immortal Drunkard: Volume 1
- Immortal Drunkard, Book 1
- By: Mortykay
- Narrated by: Adam James Conner
- Length: 22 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In a world ravaged by endless battles and wars, the life of an ordinary person is as fleeting as a moment. Kai, a young orphan raised in a remote shelter, struggles daily for mere survival. But when he faces the brutal realities of his world, his fate takes an unexpected turn. Mysterious circumstances lead him to the mystical Sphere, an artifact that unlocks untapped powers. From that moment on, Kai gains abilities beyond his wildest dreams.
By: Mortykay
-
MagiCraft Master: A Mass Isekai LitRPG
- MagiCraft Master, Book 1
- By: Wilbur Woods
- Narrated by: J.S. Arquin
- Length: 12 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The son of a billionaire tech entrepreneur, Logan Specter spends his time—and his family's wealth—on artistic and altruistic pursuits. His indulgences have produced a pile of paintings and a string of failed charities. A rebel without a cause who defies his father's corporatist lifestyle while benefiting from the privileges it affords him, Logan lacks true ambition, unable to commit himself to his own potential. The only things in his life giving him any direction are his girlfriend, Freya, and her unconditional love.
By: Wilbur Woods
-
Ruinous Return, Book 1
- By: SerasStreams
- Narrated by: Hannah Trusty
- Length: 20 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The price for saving the world is the right to rule it. After saving a faraway world, Lyn Rivers was cast back to Earth. Wanting the admiration, prestige, and glory of saving that world, she forced her way back. But she was forgotten, and someone else claimed credit for her deeds. Now, with the power of a deity of destruction, she desires nothing more than to claim her place in history. To do that she will conquer dungeons, make alliances, destroy kingdoms, and build an empire.
By: SerasStreams
-
Psyker Marine
- A Science Fiction LitRPG (Galactic Invasion, Book 1)
- By: Jake Malory
- Narrated by: Matthew Michael Lewis, Renée Nolen
- Length: 11 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
My name is James Thorne, and I wasn't supposed to matter. Before the invasion, I was just a guy in a dead-end job, keeping my head down and my past buried. The Gehenna want our annihilation. Thankfully, they angered the Aetherion who may help humanity not only fight back, but turn the tide. When I’m offered the chance to be Cleansed, to become something more than I was, I take it. And it turns out I’m special. No, I’m not the Chosen One. And yes, there are others like me, but as a Psyker, I can do things most can't. Things that make me very dangerous.
-
-
Epic
- By Anonymous User on 02-01-25
By: Jake Malory
-
Nameless Sovereign
- A Cultivation Progression Fantasy
- By: Nameless Author
- Narrated by: Griffin Puatu
- Length: 21 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The guards say there are no children in the Moonstone Mines, a place walked only by men condemned to slavery and death. An unyielding curse ensures none can depart its dark depths. And yet, a child named Red awakens in the mines with no memory. Haunted by enigmatic dreams, he melds with the slaves, enthralled by tales of the world above. He learns how to cultivate and hunt the deadly monsters that infest the mines, but escape remains an impossibility. Until escape is the only option left.
-
-
Utterly boring. Save your money.
- By Derek A Yau on 09-14-24
By: Nameless Author
-
The Calamitous Bob
- By: Alex Gilbert
- Narrated by: Laurie Catherine Winkel, Gary Furlong, Jeff Hays
- Length: 9 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ah, Nyil, with its magic, its monsters, and its petty gods. A divine spat leaves French medic Viv stranded in the middle of an arcane disaster zone crawling with undead horrors. Thankfully, there are strange allies to be found, not least the mysterious interface that helps humans survive in this merciless world. Viv will have to progress fast to survive this calamity and find civilisation. She will also need a bit of luck. Unless, of course, she becomes the calamity herself. After all, luck is such a fickle thing.
-
-
story is great and the performance is pretty good
- By Kindle Customer on 02-06-25
By: Alex Gilbert
What listeners say about A Christmas Queef
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Rainbeaux Harvest
- 02-01-25
Snorting candy canes?
I love Asher Darks, the stories that I read have me wondering if I have a twin that thinks like me. The story was hilarious and needs to be a movie. The only downside to this, was the narrator. His monotone voice made it difficult to get into the story.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!