Humorous Horror

It’s the summer of 2015, Brooklyn. The city is sweltering from another record-breaking heat wave, this one accompanied by biblical rains. Edith, a recently retired legal librarian, and her identical twin sister, Kat, a feckless romantic who’s mistaken her own eccentricity for originality, discover something ominous in their hall closet: it seems to be phosphorescent, it’s a mushroom . . . and it’s sprouting from their wall.

A cruise ship for retired sex addicts, the USS Exciter, is the site of a party a lot of people on board will never forget (but some of them will, anyway). Lurking in the cargo hold is Horace Dracul, half-brother of the legendary Dracula, and he dreams of reaching the shores of a country where the blood flows like wine and bright, shiny lights are seemingly infinite. However, another member of the Exciter’s well-aged population has some secrets of her own: Martha - retired cyborg and ex-spy.

A sentient cloud whose arrogance leads to its own demise. A rich uncle who discovers a possible solution to climate change, but is not who he appears to be. A phantom killer who uses other people (and their cars) to commit murder. Balloons that predict the future. Paranormal investigators at the beach. Wolfmen who hunt bears for sport. A Cinderella story at a retirement home. Celebrities forced to make movies for eternity in a simulated world. A girlfriend who believes we reside in the mind of God.

It's not every day that the devil knocks on your door. From the critically acclaimed author of Only Forward comes a delightful new tale about Hannah, a young girl living a mundane existence in California, who discovers that her grandfather has been friends with the devil for the past 150 years...and now they need her help.

At long last, all of Bridget Sway's dreams are about to come true! She is in a department store. Shopping. Yes. Shopping! She has new makeup. New shoes. And, most importantly, is finally about to get some new underwear. But, instead of finding a frilly knicker and bra set, she finds the body of a dead medium. A familiar dead medium.

On a scale from zero to dumpster fire, I tend to hang out at the far, trash-burning end. But lately, things have been going eerily well. So when Festus showed up with a birthday cake and less blood on his suit than usual, I was a little more than skeptical. Add to that a scythe-wielding accountant that is wearing the carpet thin, a demonic soiree in Missouri, a murderous gang of Red Caps in cheese country, a lie-detecting seven-year-old, and a snooty corporate cult, and I can smell the gas fumes on the trash heap at 40 paces.

From the snark-laden pen of Scott Telek, author of the acclaimed The Swithen series of Arthurian fiction, 33 humorous and insightful movie reviews in the horror genre. As fun to read as they are to watch—sometimes more so—Telek considers less whether a movie is “good” by mainstream standards and more whether it is interesting, thought provoking, individual and entertaining. Culled from the beloved cult website he ran from 2005 to 2013, this collection contains reviews of all three versions of Carrie, both the 1943 Cat People and its even-better follow-up, Curse of the Cat People, as...

Tophet County's Midnight Carnival has it all: a mesmerizing (literally) Phæras Wheel, the racy delights of Sphinxter's All-Archonic Peep Show, and the lip-smacking lure of "things which never should have been fried." It's the perfect prelude to the witch's romantic night with her boyfriend, Chad . . . until a creepy fortune teller makes dire predictions with an enchanted deck of Garbage Pail Kids cards, an otherworldly pyromaniac sets the moon on fire, and a shipload of pasta-faced beasties from Lovecraft's backlist lands on the Dunwich Park softball field.

When Earth is attacked by the hung hounds, ravenous trans-dimensional mutts with huge penises, it’s left to coolheaded Humphrey (who has no idea what’s going on), the super-sexy and feisty Dawn (who does), a retired porno actor, and a monkey in a wedding dress to save the planet.

Between her regular job in Afterlife Arrivals, training for her second job with IA, her community service on The Bus of Death, GA meetings, taking care of her housemates, and every other ghostly commitment in between, Bridget Sway is already stretched pretty thin. Then, her best friend, Sabrina, drops a bombshell. Sabrina thinks she was murdered. And, in the afterlife, murdered dead people usually turn into homicidal maniac dead people. Despite that, Sabrina thinks if they can work out who killed her, then she might be able to get the closure she needs.

Bishop's Point is about to face its biggest crisis since the distempered badgers attacked. Father O'Riley and Father O'Malley are all that stand in the devil's way. The forces of Hell descend upon the sleepy Irish town en masse, but they were not expecting the good fathers to lead a rebellion against them.

Kate and Michael, twenty-something housemates working at the same Trader Joe’s supermarket, are thoroughly screwed when people start turning into zombies at their house party in the Oakland hills. The zombie plague is a sexually transmitted disease, turning its victims into shambling, horny, voracious killers.

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Like many people, Sadie feels undervalued and frustrated. Employed by a supermarket, she plots to murder coworkers - or lure them into the employee bathroom for a quickie. Sick of being treated like a robot, she taps into a powerful (and deranged) alter-ego and transforms into Sadie the Sadist.

Brad's mostly been a loner, content with his job and his tiny apartment. He's never thought much about being part of something. He's never really thought about the bigger picture. Until he meets a beautiful (and possibly psychotic) girl named Dawn. Dawn leads Brad into a vicious world as hedonistically carnal as it is brutal, forcing Brad to decide if he's going to dig deep within himself and continue to resist the community he's remained apart from his entire life or embrace it and accept his new reality.

While traveling back home from a job interview in California, Mark and Ally Thurston suffer a car accident in Middle of Nowhere Kansas. After walking for miles to the nearest convenience store, they are greeted by Hap, the store owner, who invites them to stay the night at his home.

“I like it when H.L. Osterman dips his pen into the black ink of horror. This one is both creepy and light-hearted and fun to read.” —Byron Rupert McCafferty, Seattle Book Journal How do you murder your wife when she refuses to die? As we learn here, try and try again. You’re probably just not doing it right. Here you will meet an unreliable narrator who can’t figure out what’s going on in this keep-you-guessing horror thriller.

Immortality Has Met Its Match... Ever since the Ring of Fire, the world's vampires have seen their mortality. They won’t live forever after all — not if the angels who created them decide to snuff them like candles. What do the angels want? What did their command to “restore balance” truly mean? For most, the angels’ decrees mean mass murder and mass turnings … but the humans aren’t sheep, and won’t just lie down and take it forever. As Deacon Maurice tries to maintain order with Reginald by his side, panic consumes the Vampire Nation.

Chime, a young woman from Shambala, a magical oasis in the mountains of Tibet where the survivors of nuclear Armageddon live peacefully, ventures out into the surrounding devastation. A mysterious illness is spreading, and the young Chinese woman courageously ventures outside the valley to search for a cure.

From across the far reaches of the internet, the community at Fark.com presents . . . Something Woked This Way Comes: The 2023 Fark Fiction Anthology. Our editors have worked feverishly to bring you the best short fiction of 2023 from the minds and imaginations at Fark, the online community where snark is king and wit reigns supreme. Gods. Angels. Devils (maybe.) St. Nicholas and sinners, foxes and dogs, the future and the past all come together with much, much more. And even better, for the eighth year in a row, all proceeds from the sale of this anthology will benefit an excellent ...