Humor Funny

Jason Mckinney never expected to find a zombie on the downstairs toilet, but apparently, everything eventually runs out of toilet paper at the worst possible time. Enter the *Federated Alliance of Rare Things, specifically created for those embarrassing bathroom moments, and the McKinney family, recruited as the latest Saviour of the Bog Roll. The paycheque is out of this world. Jason has kids, a house that needs some desperate upkeep, and a chupacabra falling in love with him. Life as a saviour is interesting, sometimes terrifying, and frequently lavender scented.

Welcome to the weirdest school year of Hector P. Blart’s life. One minute he’s just a regular 11-year-old trying to survive spelling tests and mystery meat lunches. The next? He’s dodging cursed homework assignments, haunted lockers, and a ghost substitute teacher who hasn’t checked out since the ‘90s. Oh, and let’s not forget Slime—the bookworm who’s literally a worm and may or may not eat overdue library cards. This is a suspense-packed, laugh-out-loud adventure perfect for boys (and brave girls) ages 9–12—or anyone with a 5th-grade reading comprehension level who ...

Swearing off love was easy. Then two men and one dating pact complicated everything. After one too many heartbreaks (and one stolen-shoes incident I’m still not over), I made a pact with my friends: the next guy I date, I marry. Cute in theory. Terrifying in practice. Especially when Marcus Hann strolls into the Cozy Cottage Café looking like every swoony book boyfriend rolled into one. Handsome, charming, and so into me it’s almost suspicious. Obviously, he’s my Last First Date. I mean, fate, right? Except my well-meaning friends already picked someone for me. Josh Bentley, the pun-...

Funny quotes are great; they allow us to take a quick break, relax, and take life a bit easier. And who doesn’t need those in today’s hectic life? Whether you are looking for an innovative way to cheer yourself up and deal with the daily stresses, stay focused and motivated, or simply trying to find a fantastic gift for a friend or a loved one, 500 Funny Quotes for Women could be a perfect choice!

When Bobbie and Grayson go on the hunt for the legendary Florida Skunk Ape, there’s more than one tangled mystery afoot. Grayson, the man Bobbie’s hung her life and career on, is every bit as evasive as the creature they’re tracking. At the start of their investigation, a colossally bad judgement call leaves Bobbie wondering just exactly who—or what—the elusive being is.

Dookie is a poop munching bug in need of cash. Pierre is a praying mantis with a mind for business but has a name on his head. Can these insects help one another before it's too late? Dookie is far from a typical poop-rolling dung beetle. Disappointed he didn't get an iPoo for Christmas, Dookie needs to find a way to earn some dung dollars. After a failed business venture, Dookie's luck changes when a praying mantis moves in next door. The entrepreneurial mantis turns a local diarrhea outbreak into a poop theme park wonderland the dung beetle community can enjoy. So finally for Dookie, the ...

Bad Buffalo is the meanest, smelliest, fastest-shooting outlaw in the West... and three states to the East. He’s got rotten teeth, a foul mouth, and zero patience for anything except whiskey, women, and shooting things that annoy him. But when he takes aim at an acorn perched on a squirrel’s head, he triggers the weirdest adventure of his life. Because that squirrel is actually Dia, a shape-shifting forest sprite who needs his help to save the world. Turns out, there are wormholes popping up all over the frontier—literal magic-eating worms that suck the life out of the land, devour ...

Please do NOT buy this book (or any in this series) expecting it to be anything like the Bilbury series. Just Another Bloody Year describes a year in Vernon Coleman's bizarre and tempestuous life. Comes with many health warnings. Unsuitable for the overly sensitive and the politically correct.This book contains no fats, saturated or otherwise. It is not a toy and is unsuitable for children under three years if age. It may contain nuts. May have been written in a building where salt, mustard, ketchup and other condiments are used. Passages written when the author was under stress, upset or ...

THREE wonderful mystery books from the best-selling comedy writer Bernice Bloom. Including: Mysterious Invitation... SIX STRANGERS RECEIVE INVITATIONS TO A FUNERAL They are told that the deceased – a man called Reginald Charters – invited them on his deathbed. But who on earth is Reginald Charters? And why was he so desperate to have these six people at his funeral? The group of six strangers is told that they have 20 hours to figure out why they have been invited to the funeral. If they can do so, they will inherit a million pounds. So, they start talking. But it's complicated. Not ...

Everything is all Doug’s fault. The Horn of Destiny is missing from the Seraphim Symphonic practice room and the Apocalypse is set to begin prematurely. He always was a clumsy GA-1 (Guardian Angel First Degree). No wonder he never got promoted. Now the fate of the world rests in the hands of his human client, a mentally unstable trumpet player named Steve who takes all his advice from his pet cat Smokey. Oh, and someone on earth had the bright idea to run the dreaded Horn of Destiny through a 3-D printer and sell copies on eBay. God help us all!

After saving the grim and gritty alien city of Down Here from something big, mean, and mind-bendingly horrible, Dan is looking forward to unwinding in the closest available bar. Annoyingly, the universe has other ideas. Instead, Dan finds himself investigating a cheating husband, two horrible murders, and the potential enslavement of everyone in the galaxy. With his caseload stretching his woefully limited detective skills, his car in pieces, and the whole "being dead" thing not doing him any favors, Dan has no choice but to ask his friends for help.

'Cat owners will love it!' - Sunday Independent 'Charming and humorous second volume of memoirs by Alice, the UK's only feline author.' Sunderland Echo 'Eagerly awaited second volume by Alice whose debut Alice's Diary was a paw-away success.' Woman's Realm 'A must for anyone with a love of cats.' Evening Telegraph 'Charming and delightful' - Evening Echo 'Alice's gentle charm is irresistible' East Anglian Daily Times 'Alice's writings show just what it must be like to be a cat.' Cat World Alice's Adventures is the follow up to Vernon Coleman's hugely successful Alice's Diary. Together these...

Fame and fortune should be good enough for him. I swore never to return to Texas, but my boss insisted I go scout out the next big music talent. I’d argue, but then someone might find out I grew up in a place that was the definition of unsophisticated. Boo. So when I find myself in a backwood, honky-tonk bar, all I want to do is get out of there before someone recognizes me. Of course, my ex-fiancé had to saunter through the door, and right as he took the stage, he totally saw me tip out of my chair. I will never live that down. All I have to do is convince Tyson to take the offer he’d...

A glitter explosion. A ruined poster. A mystery sandwich. Welcome to Marie Lane’s messiest week ever. Twelve-year-old Marie Lane has big plans to win her school’s kindness poster contest—until a spilled paint cup, a very sparkly dog, and a bad case of Tuesday ruin everything. But just when things feel hopeless, Marie turns her glittery disaster into a message from the heart: “Kindness isn’t always neat. But it always matters.” What follows is a week full of awkward apologies, anonymous acts of kindness, and one sandwich that just might change everything. With humor, heart, and a...

When the author was born, his mother did the unthinkable. She gave him a girl’s name—Stacey. But Stacey’s name was just the first hurdle he’d face in his uphill climb from birth to manhood. He also had to deal with an entitled older brother, the hodgepodge of different men his mother was involved with, and the nomadic lifestyle he was forced to endure for five years. And to top it all off, his mother couldn’t cook a decent meal to save her life. Trailer Trash, With a Girl’s Name is Stacey Roberts’ lighthearted, often hilarious account of growing up in an unstable household ...

When cows across the country go on strike and cause a nationwide cheese shortage, everyone initially welcomes Romano, Fontina, Mozzarella, and Monterey Jack. These cliche-cracking giant cheeseheads claim they will return cheese to supermarket shelves everywhere. But Funny Boy isn't fooled for a minute. He knows these moldy manipulators are malicious aliens. You can bet your bottom dollar that Funny Boy will burn the midnight oil to come up with an artillery of jokes to defeat these cheesy aliens.

Connie has had bad luck with coworkers ever since her lemonade stand partners pushed her out at the age of six. In her debut collection of humor essays, Connie provides entertainment with hysterical stories about awkward workplace situations, ridiculous coworkers, and enough happy hour cocktails to make you question her life choices. From low paying high school gigs to “real world” marketing jobs in Chicago, Connie presents stories about life both in and out of the office that will have you laughing out loud in the break room.

The fifth book in Vernon Coleman's bestselling series of diaries. Not for the faint hearted or the politically correct. Nothing like the Bilbury books. The first four titles are: Diary of a Disgruntled Man, Just Another Bloody Year, Bugger off and Leave Me Alone and Return of the Disgruntled Man. The sixth in the series is 'The Game's Afoot'.' Definitely not recommended to those who found the others in the series too rich for their taste. Vernon Coleman is a qualified doctor but has been a professional author for over 30 years. He has written over 100 books which have sold over two million ...

Devastatingly handsome and insanely rich, Farrell Covington is capable of anything and impossible to resist. He’s a clear-eyed romantic, an aesthete but not a snob, self-indulgent yet wildly generous. As the son of one of the country’s most powerful and deeply conservative families, the world could be his. But when he falls for Nate Reminger, an aspiring writer from a nice Jewish family in Piscataway, New Jersey, the results are passionate and catastrophic. Together, the two embark on a unique romance that spans half a century.

A Past He Never Knew A Future He Never Knew He Wanted Oliver I came to Knotty Wood Ridge to make my demons disappear. But there are some scars even time can’t erase. I like peace, quiet, and most of all, solitude. Oakley turns up on my mountain, dragging a baby and a backpack full of old memories with her. And she swears they both belong to me. But the baby she’s carrying isn’t the only thing that’s mine, Her innocent curves belong to me now. I’ll keep her safe. I’ll keep them both safe. No matter what. Whoa, Baby! Climb back on up to Knotty Wood Ridge, readers. Oliver is a ...