Humor Funny

"I have seen people swarm around you like bees on a honeycomb", says martin to his old friend Jimmy, "what is it that you give them, which makes them like you so much? There certainly must be something interesting they are getting from you, can I get a piece of that too? Please tell me something funny, it could be anything, a story, a joke, a riddle, a phrase, just anything," pleads martin with now reluctant Jimmy, "all right then", replies the latter, just remember that I am no Comedian, hold your ears wide open, and be ready to laugh at anything I do or say, deal or no deal?" "yeah you ...

The fifth book in Vernon Coleman's bestselling series of diaries. Not for the faint hearted or the politically correct. Nothing like the Bilbury books. The first four titles are: Diary of a Disgruntled Man, Just Another Bloody Year, Bugger off and Leave Me Alone and Return of the Disgruntled Man. The sixth in the series is 'The Game's Afoot'.' Definitely not recommended to those who found the others in the series too rich for their taste. Vernon Coleman is a qualified doctor but has been a professional author for over 30 years. He has written over 100 books which have sold over two million ...

It's the 1970s and newly qualified GP Edward Vernon has taken a job as an assistant to an elderly general practitioner in a small town in the English midlands. It is his first job in general practice; his first brave excursion into the dangerous world where patients walk round in their clothes. Dr Vernon soon finds himself bemused, fascinated and exhausted as he copes with the procession of ailing humanity that streams into his surgery and awaits his visits. A confused old lady, timid vet, puzzled diabetic, lonely housewife, hypochondriac, tipster with an ulcer, nun with dandruff and a ...

The latest thrilling collection of “Vampire for Hire” stories featuring vampire private eye, Samantha Moon, including: Silver Hammer - When a silver hammer appears in the hands of one of Samantha Moon’s closest friends―along with a bloodthirsty need to use it―the vampire detective is about to discover just how clever the Universe can be... When Sam Met Santa - When Santa Claus shows up at Sam Moon's door, it's hardly the strangest thing that's ever happened to her. What happens next, however, is another story... One Swallow - A murdered wife. A desperate husband seeking revenge. ...

When the author was born, his mother did the unthinkable. She gave him a girl’s name—Stacey. But Stacey’s name was just the first hurdle he’d face in his uphill climb from birth to manhood. He also had to deal with an entitled older brother, the hodgepodge of different men his mother was involved with, and the nomadic lifestyle he was forced to endure for five years. And to top it all off, his mother couldn’t cook a decent meal to save her life. Trailer Trash, With a Girl’s Name is Stacey Roberts’ lighthearted, often hilarious account of growing up in an unstable household ...

A glitter explosion. A ruined poster. A mystery sandwich. Welcome to Marie Lane’s messiest week ever. Twelve-year-old Marie Lane has big plans to win her school’s kindness poster contest—until a spilled paint cup, a very sparkly dog, and a bad case of Tuesday ruin everything. But just when things feel hopeless, Marie turns her glittery disaster into a message from the heart: “Kindness isn’t always neat. But it always matters.” What follows is a week full of awkward apologies, anonymous acts of kindness, and one sandwich that just might change everything. With humor, heart, and a...

Meet Charles Emerson Crashoweski the Third—better known as Crash—a green-eyed, red-furred, fur-matted feline with more attitude than manners. Aloof, opinionated, and morally allergic to effort (unless tuna is involved), Crash is a cat with one mission: stay out of trouble… unless trouble deserves it. In a world overrun by smart appliances, nosy humans, and wannabe kittens named Buttons, Crash delivers an epic, hilarious, tail-whipping account of what it means to be a cat who simply cannot be bothered—until the fate of the living room (and the litter box) depends on him. Prepare to ...

Check your sensibilities at the door and enter a world of side-splitting humor from the master of raunchy jokes! If you enjoyed the first volume of Jokes against Humanity, wait till you read Vol 2! This is real, no-holds-barred, adult humor at its finest! The jokes are not for everyone, especially if you offend easily, but I do hope the rest of you can check your sensibilities long enough to enjoy the wit and humor of these jokes and LOL with me!

El tío Manuel pensaba que los días silenciosos eran los mejores, Se relajaba en casa con un libro y tenía descansos mayores. Las fiestas ruidosas no eran del agrado del tío Manuel, En su cumpleaños su familia lo sorprendía con un pastel.

In a quiet neighborhood where pizza deliveries are as normal as forgotten homework, twelve-year-old Max Murdock discovers something no kid ever expects—a mysterious, glowing pizza box that follows him home. But this is no ordinary takeout. Inside the box lies a swirling portal to a vast and wildly unpredictable universe made entirely of living toppings, sauce-powered machines, and crust-based civilizations. Joined by his hilarious best friend Logan, a fearless classmate named GraceMarie, and the cryptic clues left by a banished flavor genius, Max is recruited into Za & Beyond—an ancient...

The Godhunter Saga heads into a new realm! Married life has proven to be complicated for Vervain Lavine. Maybe it's the pressure of being the last dragon-sidhe in existence, the hope of an entire race of faeries. Or maybe it's the fact that her husband lives in the Faerie Realm where he rules the Kingdom of Fire. Or then again, it could be because he married her after abducting her and stealing her memories of her four other lovers. That's a tough one. He did do a lot to make it up to her though, and she's forgiven Arach but that doesn't mean that the Godhunter is ready to hang up her ...

Here you have found a book so foul, so repulsive, so horrifying...that you will undoubtedly find yourself running to the nearest bathroom in an effort to both relieve your bowels and scrub your hands clean of its putrid filth. They have finally released this humorous collection of terrifying tales, despite the bitter public outcry which demanded these pages never see the light of day...and perhaps for good reason.

Swearing off love was easy. Then two men and one dating pact complicated everything. After one too many heartbreaks (and one stolen-shoes incident I’m still not over), I made a pact with my friends: the next guy I date, I marry. Cute in theory. Terrifying in practice. Especially when Marcus Hann strolls into the Cozy Cottage Café looking like every swoony book boyfriend rolled into one. Handsome, charming, and so into me it’s almost suspicious. Obviously, he’s my Last First Date. I mean, fate, right? Except my well-meaning friends already picked someone for me. Josh Bentley, the pun-...

She’s not lazy—she’s calculating. She’s not rude—she’s selective. And she’s not just a cat—she’s Sometimes, the most unpredictable (and snack-driven) secret agent the world has never heard of. Sometimes enjoys sunny naps, occasional ear scritches, and ignoring you when you call her name. But behind her twitchy tail and slow blinks lies a feline force of mystery, suspense, and clever espionage. As a top agent in the Purrfect Detective Agency, Sometimes faces off against enemies who manipulate memory, bend time, and steal more than just tuna. This 35-chapter adventure blends...

Perfect the art of Schadenfreude from your own armchair as you wonder who left the lid of the idiot box open. Laugh at the dumb and dumber from the comfort of your own toilet seat. Wonder at the stupidity of man with hilarious anecdotes spanning time and history and culture.

If you’re a thirty-year-old, Southern male from a Christian family and have never brought a girl home to meet Momma, then you must secretly be up to no good. And if you also happen to be an only son with five older, happily married sisters, the pressure to find the one and only love of your life is like digging through a pile of leaves for the pin to the grenade you’re holding. Those were the first two lines of the first video post of Mark Griffin’s to go viral, and his popularity has steadily risen over the two years since. He decides to use his platform to find someone to share ...

I’m sleeping with my dad’s billionaire best friend. I headed to Mystic, Connecticut, a month ago to help a family friend, not seduce him. Mateo Steele. He’s a grump—damaged and broody. He is also a Grade A silver fox—former SEAL, with a fantastic body and beautiful blue-grey eyes. Being a 28-year-old virgin is a rarity, but I am ready to be broken open by this hot stud of a man. The problem is that he is off-limits. I started working at the beautiful Inn he built right on the water. While checking in guests, I’m checking him out. Mateo starts to let his guard down and saves me ...

Penguin presents Funny Bones: The Collection by Allan Ahlberg, read by Stephen Mangan. An audio collection of the perennially popular Funny Bones books by Allan Ahlberg. Featuring: Funnybones, The Pet Shop, The Black Cat, Bumps in the Night, Give the Dog a Bone, Dinosaur Dreams, Skeleton Crew and Mystery Tour.

Sophie Sweet is a game programmer who adores three things: writing code; Doritos Surprise, the one thing she can cook; and her ride-or-die BFF Jodie Edwards. And only those three. To Sophie, people are a lousy bunch of jackasses who lie and leave when you need them most, so why bother? That goes double for "love," a ridiculous fairy tale sold to women to keep them subjugated and cooking things besides Doritos Surprise, which is madness. Sophie and Jodie have a tradition of getting their fortunes read at the carnival, but this year there's a new surprise in town-Tiffani the Psychic. The ...

Connie has had bad luck with coworkers ever since her lemonade stand partners pushed her out at the age of six. In her debut collection of humor essays, Connie provides entertainment with hysterical stories about awkward workplace situations, ridiculous coworkers, and enough happy hour cocktails to make you question her life choices. From low paying high school gigs to “real world” marketing jobs in Chicago, Connie presents stories about life both in and out of the office that will have you laughing out loud in the break room.