Funny Urban

Praise for Alice Crowley's writing: "I LOVED THE IMAGINATION OF THIS AUTHOR!" ~Satisfied Kindle Reader "FIVE STARS!" ~ Multiple Fans "Alice Crowley is one of our best living authors!" ~ G. Taylor Ciedre is just a young professional woman in the big city when she meets the hunk of her life named Shane, who rescues her from a gang of vampire aliens who are hell-bent on harvesting the blood of all earthlings. And to the victors go the spoils. After Shane saves the day, Ciedre demands he show her the ancient art of the erotic fist. And this mutant's fists are bigger than any mortal male's...

(Edited February 7th 2018) I’m running for my life. The last place I need to be is in the arms of the man who knocked me up. But that’s exactly where I end up. Livie They’re hunting me. I witnessed something I shouldn't have and now they want my life to keep their secret. I’m pregnant and alone. And there’s only one person who can help me now. The only safety in sight is my baby's father, Brandon. He’s bad, completely bad for me. I hate him…and maybe I love him a little to. Which is just another reason this is a bad idea. My back is against the wall. I’m out of options. ...

When a friend needs help... you drop everything for them. Isabella's apartment building has suffered because she lives there. In one year, her landlord has put up iron railings on the windows, revamped the entire security system, and refurbished the entire inside because someone tried to burn her out of the building. When he needed her to prove his son was innocent she agreed without needing to know any of the details. Once she started digging into the case, she started to have second thoughts. Add in the tensions between the witches in the Sorority of Brigid all aimed at her, and she's got...

The Mayor was murdered? And a magical plant from my garden is to blame? Even if I wanted that jerk dead, running my Bed & Breakfast takes all my time. There’s no way I could sneak a murder into my busy schedule, but obviously, someone I know did. A plant stolen from my garden poisoned the Mayor. Who could have done this? And why would someone frame me? I'm certain that my hard-working assistant, the delivery driver, and my gardener are innocent. And I’m sure it wasn’t the sexy water witch who spends an absurd amount of time staying at my little Bed & Breakfast…but he does know way ...

Clara Cassidy and Samael returned to Crossedlake University after a brief respite from the chaos at the end of last semester; they found that things had changed. The school was on lock-down, Corbin was missing, and they were under suspicion. Their worst fears slowly came true as the arcane investigators patrolling the school slowly unraveled what happened last semester and zeroed in on Clara. One of the detectives, known to be one of the best that ever existed, quickly pieced things together and targeted their group. She interrogated them intensely as she tried to pick apart the origin of ...

In Robert Urban’s 9th book he once again shows why he is often considered the king of short form comedy writing. Wisecracker is the literary equivalent of sharing a beer with your funniest friend—the one who always has a story to tell. With a sharp wit and a gift for transforming everyday nonsense into laugh-out-loud moments, Urban weaves a series of short, comedic essays, recollections and stories that explore the absurdities of modern life, relationships, and the occasional crisis. His humor is often irreverent and always brutally honest. Beneath the jokes, there’s also a surprising...

What can you do when an enemy claims sanctuary in your home? Hester Johnson is no one's favorite person, but when she arrives at Proctor House begging to be hidden, the Proctor family takes her in. When something spooks Hester, she runs away - straight into her killer. Is it coincidence she's left on Isabella's door? The danger has never been greater for Detective Palmer and Isabella needs to protect him, find the murderer, and keep her family's secrets. For fans of Samantha Silver, Amanda M. Lee, and Leighann Dobbs, On a Larkspur is a clever, fast-paced cozy mystery that will keep you ...

Class would be different this semester. Clara was going to be sure of that. Her new life at Crossedlake made her feel happier and more at home than anywhere else, regardless of the tragedies that had happened. Although she felt strange after her encounter with the god of another realm, she still felt confident and ready for anything. Her confidence was knocked down a peg when she was thrust into the path of death on her first day of school, barely surviving thanks to a strange creature she promptly forgot about when she returned to the real world. Choosing necromancy as your specialization ...

Tempest Michaels has a zombie problem. Crazy people craving human flesh have been appearing without warning in hoards in towns across Kent. He is just as mystified as everyone else, but when the elderly husband of the recent viral internet sensation known as Zombie Granny asks him to prove she is no such thing, he has to take the case. Then outside his office, people start screaming...

After saving the grim and gritty alien city of Down Here from something big, mean, and mind-bendingly horrible, Dan is looking forward to unwinding in the closest available bar. Annoyingly, the universe has other ideas. Instead, Dan finds himself investigating a cheating husband, two horrible murders, and the potential enslavement of everyone in the galaxy. With his caseload stretching his woefully limited detective skills, his car in pieces, and the whole "being dead" thing not doing him any favors, Dan has no choice but to ask his friends for help.

Satire master Robert Urban ups the ante in his most recent book sharing his unique perspective about life, love and of course a little cheddar biscuit we all love. Filled with deep thoughts juxtaposed by one-liners, hysterical anecdotes, tangential thoughts and edgy, absurd humor this book is meant to give people who don't take themselves too seriously a rapid fire delivery of humor in only the way Robert can.

Can cream puffs ward off the end of the world? No longer impersonating her brother in the elite school for vampire slayers, Violetta Tancetta is developing her own magical talents interning with the greatest Baker ever, Landry. Orion knows she's a girl and actually takes her out on real dates, even if they're interrupted by curious vampires. Things are practically perfect except that there was a reason her mother left that world behind, a reason that no one wants to tell Violetta. When Bakers start disappearing and Orion begins his transition into something more, Violetta will have to ...

So I cause the occasional magical disaster. It's not THAT bad. Until a strange virus sweeps the planet, leaving its victims either dead or devoid of magic. The Eight Gods are real, and they're a little pissed-off. Lucky me, I seem to be the only one who believes these days. Well, besides the hot, nerdy library guy who wants to turn me into a cradle robber. And my grumpy, drool-worthy doomsday prepper neighbor. Oh, and one weird tour guide who just might be more than they seem. Yeah, the world is probably doomed... (Previously released as a serial story on the Vella platform. This story has ...

Welcome to Bezim, where sword-slinging bravi race through the night and rich and idle alchemists make magic out of mixing and measuring the four planes of reality. Siyon Velo, Dockside brat turned petty alchemist, scrapes a living hopping between the planes to harvest ingredients for the city’s alchemists. But when Siyon accidentally commits an act of impossible magic, he’s catapulted into the limelight—which is a bad place to be when the planes start lurching out of alignment, threatening to send Bezim into the sea.

This time, nobody died at Moonstruck Manor, but there was still a murder. And Kyla’s sworn enemy is begging her to use her sleuthing skills in the investigation. A rogue genie who kidnapped Kyla less than a month ago desperately pleads for her help. Can she forgive him? But when he claims an enchanted knife murdered someone right in the middle of the dinner rush at his bistro, and a long line of suspects pile up, Kyla’s intrigued. Not only that, but her friend's fiancé was the man holding the knife. Can she clear the bistro’s reputation and save an innocent man without getting hurt ...

It’s all fun and games at the circus...until everyone’s favorite clown winds up dead. Someone killed Clint the Clown. Madam Electra’s crystal ball could help find the murderer, but she risks exposing her own secrets in the process. Secrets that could land her on the endangered species list. Head security officer Bruno Maska has been ordered to enlist the help of the one person he suspects is hiding something - Electra. The same woman who’s been haunting his thoughts since their drunken night together.

Magic can solve all your problems. At least, that’s what Ruby would have said a year ago, before she learned she was a witch. Now, all magic does is create more problems. There’s a giant tear in the fabric between the non-magical world Ruby lives in and the magical one her boyfriend is from. Every time Ruby uses her powers, the tear grows larger. The only way to stop the magical world from swallowing up Ruby’s home is to journey into the unknown forests of the other realm that contain frightening creatures such as acid frogs, poison moths, and banshees that terrify you at night. And ...

Kendis – Hear no evil I was fired in front of a client for being late for a meeting. The client happens to be my dream-worthy one-night stand who I ditched. As despair sets in, he hires me. Although it happened in high school, Jason hasn’t forgiven me. He controls and owns the company. And anything he touches. Including me. Jason’s intense eyes watch me like he can see my secrets. I’m not immune to the way his chocolate muscles ripple. Electricity tickles my spine when he touches my hand. But we must work together and keep our hands and lips off each other. His words are dirtier ...

Blood tells all. Vervain Lavine has been through Hell. Two Hells actually, one of which she's been barred from. Despite all that, things are going pretty well for the Godhunter. At least they were until she turned on the news. Crops across America are dying, children in Hawaii are missing, and havoc is being wrecked upon her nightclub, Moonshine. It's obviously God messing with her again but which one is it this time? There's so many gods who want her dead these days. Then one wrong word sends her tumbling into an unknown realm. A strange place filled with even stranger beings who seem to ...

Vicky continues to find out more about her ancestry and who she is. Many of the family secrets are hidden in her basement. After finally being taken to see the Council, Vicky has to decide if she will continue facing danger and possible death, or if she will step aside. At the same time, Vicky continues to get closer to Ethan. Yet, she can’t trust everyone, not even her own family. While Vicky is self-absorbed with decisions and family secrets, the police chief deals with the disappearance of two young women. The suspect is a creature with a limited fertile span and desperate to get his ...