Funny Horror

Praise for Alice Crowley's writing: "I LOVED THE IMAGINATION OF THIS AUTHOR!" ~Satisfied Kindle Reader "FIVE STARS!" ~ Multiple Fans "Alice Crowley is one of our best living authors!" ~ G. Taylor Ciedre is just a young professional woman in the big city when she meets the hunk of her life named Shane, who rescues her from a gang of vampire aliens who are hell-bent on harvesting the blood of all earthlings. And to the victors go the spoils. After Shane saves the day, Ciedre demands he show her the ancient art of the erotic fist. And this mutant's fists are bigger than any mortal male's...

Welcome to Madison, Georgia, where the magnolias bloom, the tea is sweet, and the monsters are real. In this cozy horror anthology, the charming town of Madison hides secrets in its flowerbeds and shadows in its attics. Behind every wrought-iron fence and sun-warmed porch lies something unexpected: a banshee who quilts in the carriage house, a wight who prefers crossword puzzles to haunting, a wendigo who wears sweaters by the fire, and cryptids who just want someone to talk to. But don’t be fooled by the cobblestone streets and Southern charm. The ghouls here are real and love has a ...

Prologue. There is plenty of light humour inside of this story to keep you entertained. Carlos gets woken by the television freezing in the same position with crows and the Devil on the screen with him freaking out, with him unable to get back to sleep going for a walk, he then notices what it looked like a witch floating in the air dressed in black. Streetlights inside of the lampposts go dark with Carlos ending up in the graveyard, Witch Sue was holding a broomstick with a cauldron announcing that she was waiting for a blue stone falling from the sky to take over the world bringing dead ...

Flash fiction for weirdos.

Welcome to these paranormal worlds of randy vampires, naughty necromancers, and zombies who might eat your brains after they succeed at seducing you. This quirky collection gathers the funniest fantasy, weirdest paranormal, and most hilarious horror written by award winning author, Sarina Dorie. In all, there are 17 tales to transport you to another world and tickle your funny bone.

Kevin Austin has no plans of staying in the strange mountain town of Eden when he ends up becoming the new librarian after the previous one is murdered. He soon realizes this is no ordinary library. The books actually talk and fly around the rooms, and there's a ghost haunting the premises. Not to mention a collection of dangerous magical artifacts in the basement. In the town of Eden, Kevin encounters witches, zombies, demons, talking crows, angels, even gods and goddesses. Everyone in town seems to have secrets, including the alluring Olive, who Kevin falls for in book 1.

Some lockers open. This one follows. Milo Carter never wanted attention. He liked his quiet life of pudding cups, occasional sarcasm, and staying out of trouble. But everything changes the day a dented red locker appears in his middle school hallway—with his name already engraved on it. Now Milo’s stuck in a school that’s turning into something else—something automated, haunted, and hungry. As strange voices whisper from the vents and mirror versions of students begin replacing the real ones, Milo must team up with Gwen, a classmate with a conspiracy folder and ninja-level sarcasm, ...

On a remote island with a deadly secret, adventurer Lincoln Monk and his crew confront a billionaire with devastating plans for global supremacy in Tony Reed's bestselling debut novel, Neptune Island. "Cussler fans will love this." Amazon reviewer "...a modern, fast-paced Dr. No." Amazon reviewer "A whole lotta fun!" Amazon reviewer "...villains, henchmen, monsters, earthquakes and explosions: I'm worn out just reading the book." Amazon reviewer Ex-cop turned adventurer Lincoln Monk hasn't been to Saipan Island in some time, and for good reason--he prefers to let old wounds heal. But when ...

I wasn't prepared for just how great that probe would feel… When I was suddenly abducted by grey, squishy aliens, I was confused and afraid. But I quickly learned that they were big on informed consent and really wanted me to enjoy my probing. I was about to feel things I never imagined possible when the alien took my butt with his big, squishy probe...

Milton Maroo, a portly space trader who enjoys a gourmet meal as much as a good deal, has priceless cargo, an outlawed artificial intelligence that the crime underworld will kill for. The billionaire head of the Nythe Armaments Corporation empire is dead. Murdered by the most powerful crime syndicate in the system who are after one thing, an illegal artificial intelligence that will change the balance of power in the region in favour of whomever possesses it. Milton and his spy friend Cappa are broke. While they do odd jobs at the billionaire’s estate they discover the Lerjoo Brothers ...

Bringing an insightful knowledge of film craft and his inimitable sense of humor to the analysis of films that maybe don’t deserve it is what Scott Telek chose to devote years of his life to. Here you will reap the fruits of his misguided enterprise as we cover 37 films in the horror genre, films that begin the letters N, O or P. Hilarious but intelligent, Telek’s writing results in movie reviews that are often more fun to read than watching the films themselves. In this volume we cover the killer-bunny classic Night of the Lepus, and have two films of the Nightmare on Elm Streetseries,...

A haunted stadium, a long-buried secret, and a team that’s better at banter than battling the supernatural. Can they crack the case, or will they end up on the sidelines?When Jackie Thompson’s paranormal documentary team is called to investigate eerie disturbances at Smoky Stadium, she’s skeptical but intrigued. Rumors of restless spirits, ghostly pranksters, and a notorious serial killer’s remains are too enticing to pass up. As the crew explores the maze-like underbelly of the iconic structure, they uncover more than just creaky floorboards. A scandalous history, spectral football...

Residential school stank while ‘Witch Hazel’ was alive. Now her ghost makes sure it keeps stinking after she’s dead. Fulton Convent was only a residential school for one year. Yet, it was open long enough for Witch Hazel to die. The convent got converted into a bed-and-breakfast that some review sites say is haunted. Sisters, Edna and Agnes Crawford, find themselves in the worst tourist trap imaginable. Their vacation is ruined when Witch Hazel possesses a skunk pelt. The angry ghost stink bombs the trapped guests over one long night. Will the sisters’ sanity survive this campaign ...

Can the Blood Flower save them all? Ezekiel isn't so sure. But he's not about to let Myra ride off alone into Sioux holy land to find out. When Jed gets sick, they need help, and Private Shane introduces them to Miss Calamity Jane. That's when the chaos starts. (This is book 3 of the Ezekiel Cool Weird Western Trilogy.)

A haunted mansion, an unsolved murder, and a team that’s more misfit than mystical. Can she unravel the mystery, or will she become part of the legend?When Jackie Thompson’s best friend suggests her life could be a cozy mystery novel, she laughs it off—until the paranormal documentary she pitched finally gets the green light. Armed with her trusty team, her sassy parrot, and a psychic's knack for paranormal predicaments, Jackie dives headfirst into a haunting that stretches back over a century. As the eclectic crew digs deeper, they uncover more than just old letters and dusty ...

From the lightly-scented pen of Scott Telek, whose writing has been celebrated on seventeen continents, comes another hilarious and insightful look at horror movies brilliant, good, good-bad, bad, bad-good, and just plain godawful. You will laugh, gasp, convulse, grind, harumph and gesticulate as you read Telek’s straight-talk reviews that look past the supposed quality of the films under discussion to break down the more salient question: Is it worth watching? Here we have 36 movie reviews of films beginning with either the letters H or I. This includes the Halloween series, the Hostel ...

Scott Telek’s movie writing has become a worldwide phenomenon on a microscopic scale. Those who have experienced his particular blend of snark, sarcasm, puerile humor and serious, intelligent criticism find it difficult to go back to conventional movie reviews that center themselves around assessments of celebrity star power and attempts to guess at modern views on culture war issues. Here we have 40 film reviews of horror movies whose titles begin with the letters J, K L or M. On the fun side, there is Kingdom of the Spiders, which is just a good time for all involved, and the go-for-...

Telekfilm’s horror movie survey continues with this fifth installment, including 35 reviews of horror films that begin with the letters E, F and G. Scott Telek continues to supply film reviews that combine hilarious, off-the-cuff commentary with encyclopedic film knowledge and rare insight into movie writing unlike any other. Here we have a towering bad movie colossuses in Exorcist II: The Heretic, which will exhaust you with the shocking depth and scope of its awfulness, and truly deserves a special place of its own because… it simply cannot be believed. Then there’s major studio ...

From the snark-laden pen of Scott Telek, author of the acclaimed The Swithen series of Arthurian fiction, 33 humorous and insightful movie reviews in the horror genre. As fun to read as they are to watch—sometimes more so—Telek considers less whether a movie is “good” by mainstream standards and more whether it is interesting, thought provoking, individual and entertaining. Culled from the beloved cult website he ran from 2005 to 2013, this collection contains reviews of all three versions of Carrie, both the 1943 Cat People and its even-better follow-up, Curse of the Cat People, as...

Fans of Scott Telek’s film writing have come to expect an irreverent, insightful and often outrageously funny take on films from the good to the very, very bad. The tradition continues in this fourth volume, archiving 43 movie reviews in the horror genre, all beginning with the letter D. It turns out the letter D is a good one for horror, as it contains the words “Dead,” “Don’t,” “Demon” and “Dracula.” And if you were trapped on a desert island with these movies (as well as fresh water, food and a TV and DVD player!) you would actually be doing pretty well, as many fine ...