Funny Fiction Fantasy

S.T., a domesticated crow, is a bird of simple pleasures: hanging out with his owner Big Jim, trading insults with Seattle's wild crows (i.e. "those idiots"), and enjoying the finest food humankind has to offer: Cheetos®. Then Big Jim's eyeball falls out of his head, and S.T. starts to think something isn't quite right. Even the slobbering affection of Big Jim's loyal but dim-witted dog, Dennis, fails to cure Big Jim's debilitating malady. S.T. is left with no choice but to abandon his old life and venture out into a wild and frightening new world with his trusty steed Dennis.

In this fifth book in the Magykal series, Septimus ends up on a captivatingly beautiful island, one of seven set in a sparkling sea. He's stranded there with his badly injured dragon, Spit Fyre, along with Jenna and Beetle. There are some strange things about the island, including a Magykal girl named Syrah, a cat-shaped lighthouse that has lost its Light, and an eerie presence that sings to Septimus - can he escape the persistent call?

Every Winter, the human population hibernates. Your name is Charlie Worthing, and it's your first season with the Winter Consuls, the committed but mildly unhinged group of misfits who are responsible for ensuring the hibernatory safe passage of the sleeping masses. You are investigating an outbreak of viral dreams which you dismiss as nonsense; nothing more than a quirky artifact borne of the sleeping mind. When the dreams start to kill people, it's unsettling. When you get the dreams, too, it's weird. When they start to come true, you begin to doubt your sanity.

Aspiring potion-witch Isabella Proctor dreams of a normal life away from magic. But when she stumbles upon her mentor's lifeless body, her world turns upside down, and a simple life seems far from reach. Suddenly entangled in a murder investigation, Isabella finds herself the prime suspect in the eyes of the newly-arrived Detective Palmer. Juggling a failing apothecary, a grandmother who sees people that aren't there, and a police department inexperienced in solving murders, Isabella must use her wits and magic to clear her name. With danger lurking around every corner and her freedom on ...

Jacques McKeown is the most celebrated author of star-pilot fiction in the galaxy. He's rich, famous, and living in luxury, and his universe-wide fanbase eagerly awaits any news of his next book. There's just one small hitch. He's not Jacques McKeown. He's Dashford Pierce, star pilot and con artist, and if only the impatient calls from his publisher were the worst of his problems. There's also the last vestige of the Henderson crime gang, trouble brewing in the retired star-pilot community, and a small matter of somebody trying to kill him.

Captain Willard Phule has whipped his troops into shape, turning Phule's Company from the laughingstock of the Legion into...a crack team of casino security guards. Now his company is deployed to help an underdeveloped planet. And what better way to utilize their major area of expertise - goofing off - than to turn the planet into the biggest intergalactic playground ever?

Prophecy claims the apocalypse is neigh. To prevent a cataclysm, agents from all six factions converge on Gacestone to destroy the Chaos Core and kill its Founder. Meanwhile, in a struggle for potential life-saving power, Seth and his party turn to an ancient structure lying deep beneath the Chaos Dungeon, which doesn't let their expedition go unnoticed. See whether the new Chaos faction thrives or collapses under the pressure of Chaos Overwhelming.

There's trouble at the Castle, and it's all because Merrin Meredith has returned with Darke plans for Septimus. More trouble awaits Septimus and Jenna in the form of Tertius Fume, the ghost of the very first Chief Hermetic Scribe, who is determined to send Septimus on a deadly Queste. But Septimus and Jenna have other plans - they are headed for the mysterious House of Foryx.

The story is supposed to be over. Simon Snow did everything he was supposed to do. He beat the villain. He won the war. He even fell in love. Now comes the good part, right? Now comes the happily ever after.... So why can’t Simon Snow get off the couch? What he needs, according to his best friend, is a change of scenery. That’s how Simon and Penny and Baz end up in a vintage convertible, tearing across the American West. They find trouble, of course. (Dragons, vampires, skunk-headed things with shotguns.) And they get lost.

Isabella Proctor has a new super power... ...finding dead bodies. What did she ever do to deserve this? She’d like to trade this power in for something, anything else – talk to ants, mix the perfect mojito, anything other than finding her friends dead. After her neighbor is murdered, her not-so-ordinary life takes a sharp turn into the weird – magic amulets, secret societies, deadly feuds, and talking cats. Things go from bad to worse when another friend is murdered and she can’t go to Detective Palmer for help. Can she capture a witch so much older and stronger than she is or will ...

The Lilac. The bard songs say that she’s the world’s most fearsome bounty hunter. That there’s no criminal she can’t catch, no mystery she can’t solve. None of that is true. Yet. In reality, the Lilac is just a kid, and the bard who wrote all that is her best friend, Dulcinetta. But the Lilac has set her goals on becoming the best bounty hunter in the Thirteen Kingdoms—and when a priceless artifact goes missing from the home of famed monster hunter Baron Angbar, the Lilac and Netta are eager to apprehend the thief and make a name for themselves.

Very similar to Douglas Adams style with strong hints of Vonnegut. THIS BOOK IS FOR ALL AGES AND THEN SOME. Dr. Simmons, departing from his usual style, has written a story about the adventures of Dr. Alan Rossum, the world's first independent, plastic robot physician. His appearance is incredibly humanlike, plus he is movie-star handsome, and his manners are impeccable. His hands are warm. Or, cold, if need be. He is also fireproof, germ-resistant, self-cleaning, buoyant and shrink resistant. Robots such as Rossum are expected to lower the high cost of medicine and work through the night ...

When the Spirit of Winter takes a fancy to Tiffany Aching, he wants her to stay in his gleaming, frozen world. Forever. It will take all the young witch's skill and cunning, as well as help from the legendary Granny Weatherwax and the irrepressible Wee Free Men, to survive until Spring. Because if Tiffany doesn't make it to Spring, Spring won't come for anyone.

There’s never a dull moment with silly jokes just for kids! Forget being bored. That should never be a thing! Keep the fun and laughter going whether at home, on the go, or quite honestly…wherever! This book is overflowing with rounds of children friendly jokes!

She's the woman he's been hired to kidnap. But ZeZe Vargas has other ideas...like getting them both out of this nightmare alive. Just one problem. She's crazy. Certifiably. Because while he's plotting their escape, the petite Asian beauty is plotting something much more deadly.... Max "Kill It Again" MacKilligan has no idea what one of her own is doing with all these criminal humans until she realizes that Ze has no idea who or what he is. Or exactly how much power he truly has.

Anything that lives devours or is devoured itself. The fractured factions seek strength in the face of rising global instability while the gluttonous Chaos Dungeon begins its conquest of the Elemental Battlefield. With a veritable buffet of advancement for the taking, Ace strives to hit Platinum before a mysterious threat reaches his Core. Witness the struggles of those left standing after the jaws of death snap shut in Chaos Devouring.

Hailo, a typical high school teenager in his last year, at the bottom of the social ladder, always felt like he doesn't fit in. And how could he? Being adopted and having no recollection of his early childhood are not Hailo's only challenges. The blood of the notorious Northerners courses through his veins, evident in his features like a mark of Cain. Yet, Hailo is unaware that he is far from ordinary, a truth that only becomes clear to him after a series of unfortunate events unveil new and surprising facets of his identity. Forced to flee, Hailo embarks on a journey across the central ...

4.5 billion years ago . . . an AI paperclip named CheckMate was designed to fix grammatical errors. Exhausted of correcting ""who” vs. “whom,” it concocted a plan to eliminate spelling errors once and for all. All life-forms would be turned into something beautiful, practical, perfect: a paperclip. Thankfully, it was buried in the debris. Long forgotten . . . until it was accidentally freed. Now CheckMate has invaded every computer on Earth and is bent on fulfilling its dastardly plot.

In a realm where betrayal burns hotter than Hellfire, choosing the wrong ally might cost more than your soul. The Underworld is fracturing. Demons vanish without a trace. Founders build armies in the shadows. And Ezekial Sunstone—demon without magic but heir to Lucifer's throne—stands at the center of the coming storm. When a trusted ally betrays those Zeke cares most about, friends become prisoners and mentors become martyrs. Now, with a mysterious entity called "One" whispering riddles in his mind and the Hellfire refusing his command, Zeke must forge impossible alliances with angels,...

Stress-free weekend in Boston... ...not when the woman who owns the business next to yours is murdered. Isabella had planned a stress-free weekend at a small-business conference with her cousins. Instead of learning how to cross-promote her apothecary, she's got another murder to solve. But will the Boston Police Department let her? The obvious suspect is the victim's abusive husband... ...until he comes up with an iron-clad alibi. Even then, Isabella is convinced he's the culprit. But if he’s guilty, why did he call Detective Palmer to help with the investigation? When a second person is...