Funny Clean

Ever feel like your emotions are dustier than your baseboards? You’re not alone. In I Was Going to Clean, But Then I Had Feelings, author Annie Rowen offers a hilarious and heartfelt permission slip to put down the mop and pick up some grace. Part cozy confessional, part self-help pep talk, this book is for anyone who’s ever cried into a roll of toilet paper, felt overwhelmed by expectations, or simply chosen rest over a perfectly folded towel. With chapter titles like The Dust Bunnies Understand Me, Mood-Swing Mopping and Other Lies, and Febreze Doesn’t Fix Feelings (But It Tries), ...

Welcome to the seaside town of New Shrimpton, where magic is in the air, shrimp can be scooped up by the barrel, and a murderer hides in plain sight… Alice Munroe is the only PI in town, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a little help. For one, she can speak to animals and plants… though her cat, the extravagantly grumpy Mr. Ploppers, sometimes makes her wish she couldn’t. Still, when that’s not enough, she has a few other magical tricks up her sleeve. Things go sideways, however, when she’s hired to investigate a death that everyone has written off as natural. Save for ...

Fantastic possibilities and terrible consequences. When her job interview goes down in flames, archaeologist Dr. Arienne Cerasola makes a desperate decision to get her life back on track. Returning to the thing that wrecked her life in the first place isn’t rational, but magic is the only option she has. To find a legendary healing tree and save her friends, Ari must outsmart magic practitioners way more talented and prepared than she is. Can she beat the competition to the prize, or is another magical disaster inevitable? Elementary Magic is the first book in R. Leonia Shea’s urban ...

Her good heart has a really bad plan--destined to fail spectacularly.Nanny and grad student Eliza has a harebrained, movie plot-based scheme to teach her terrible boss a lesson: find a wretched hobo, give him a Hollywood makeover, and trick the selfish woman into falling for him and becoming a better person. What could go wrong? Hint: everything. Henry, the hunky lost traveler with the dashing Australian accent that weakens Eliza’s knees, is game. More than game. For Eliza, he gladly gets a glow-up, debuts at a film premier, and plays the role of the fake rich dude on a posh, exclusive ...

Magic, Murder, and a Meddling Parrot—Welcome to Aria’s World! Wedding specialist Aria Whitmore thought picking up an antique wedding dress would be easy. Then the owner, Fletcher Davenport, turns up dead—possibly killed by magic. Now, Aria is the prime suspect. Juggling bridezilla clients, a nosy mother, and a snack-obsessed, wisecracking parrot familiar, Aria has no time for murder accusations. But if she doesn’t clear her name fast, she might be next on the killer’s list. With time running out and magic in the air, Aria must solve the case before the real killer gets away. ...

It should’ve been the sale of a lifetime… Bridal boutique owner (and secret witch) Aria Whitmore has hit the jackpot: dress designer to the rich and famous, Zola Cates, will be holding her first ever sample sale... at Aria's store! "Winters will have you giggling into your book!" Aria prepares tirelessly for the showing, with the help of her assistant Sarah, and her wise-cracking parrot Kiwi. (Ok, so maybe Kiwi’s “help” isn’t quite so helpful…) However, when the day of the sale arrives, Aria discovers a nightmare in her normally glamorous store: the shop wrecked, the sale ...

“I liked the strong female characters that didn’t back down. It is a great novel to show women that you can get positions just as easily as men and to not back down when being pushed into corners.” –NetGalley Reviewer "...offers the reader a heroine with grace, gumption, and brains, who finds her way out of a difficult position with satisfying aplomb." –IndieReader The university's selection committee nominates Georgia Davis to become their first woman vice president – a job she's coveted for more than a quarter century. But the university's new president, Paul Van Horne, sours ...

Novella. College freshman Hannah dreams of becoming an artist for a major motion picture studio. And, she’s got a shot…if she can get Max Stone to sign a few little forms. Max Stone. The Max Stone – the studio’s hottest, top-ranked, action star. Dark hair. Golden Eyes. Max. Maybe she’ll get to draw him. Maybe she’ll get a date out of this. Or, two, or three...Sure, Max never dates a girl more than twice. And, he doesn’t date nice girls, or co-workers, or crazy artists…and Hannah is all three….but if Max thinks Hannah will take ‘no’ for an answer, he doesn’t know ...

"Michaels truly shines in this gem of a historical romance rich in witty dialogue and intriguing political maneuverings.” -- Review by Patty Engelmann American Library Association Perry Shepherd, Earl of Brentwood, presents himself to Society as a bit of a fribble; carefree, fairly indolent, and bored to flinders by anything remotely political. But appearances can deceive, because scratch that polished surface and the real Perry appears, an invaluable and rather ruthless covert asset to England during the late war with Bonaparte. Perry ignores the reappearance of Princess Caroline, ...

A small-town, sweet southern romance about finding home where you least expect it. Runway model Charlie Weston is used to flashbulbs, fast flights, and faking perfection. Burnt out and hiding from the headlines after a very public fall from grace, she escapes to the last place anyone would look—Dent County, Missouri, population nosy and proud of it. She’s just here to breathe. To disappear. To stay until the dust settles. But then there’s Jackson Sharp—a quiet, stubborn craftsman who prefers wood over words and thinks Instagram is a brand of crackers. He’s everything Charlie ...

A broken-down fugitive with nothing to lose, an arms dealer hiding a deadly secret and an elderly robot set to inherit a vast fortune... it's a typical cargo job for freighter pilot Hal Spacejock and his offsider, Clunk. Baker's Dough features intense rivalry, sublime double-crosses and more greed than a free buffet.

An arranged engagement goes sideways when the guy lays eyes on the wrong girl first. Noah Rush has only one job to do for his father's company: win over the competition's daughter. Although he's not crazy about the idea of an arranged engagement, he falls head over heels at their first meeting. Except ... it's the wrong girl. Keeley Castle has one job on this vacation: help her cousin Echo forget Mr. Wrong and focus on the business deal with the Rush Holdings heir. She had zero plans of getting in the way of a multi-faceted merger by finding Noah irresistible. Now Noah has to choose between...

When Elizabeth Chatham met her new boss, department-store owner Nicholas Lancaster, she completely fell for him. But she never imagined that after a whirlwind courtship, Nick would be on bended knee proposing to her. It was the stuff of a Christmas fairy tale... Then Nick and Elizabeth decided to hold their wedding in Elizabeth's hometown of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and their dream of an idyllic Christmas wedding began to turn into a disaster. Elizabeth's family wanted a lively, down-home, country-style party with all their friends and relatives. Nick's family, on the other hand, pushed for...

New roots, old love, and a whole lot of wild. After years away, Emma Wild is back on the family farm, ready to rebuild her life one stubborn donkey and broken fence at a time. With her siblings by her side, she’s determined to turn Wild Roots Farm into a thriving success. But lurking among the hay bales and memories is one particularly pesky ghost from her past—Oren McCoy. Oren, the guy who shattered her heart and then vanished like a tumbleweed, is back. And wouldn’t you know it, he’s still maddeningly good-looking. Worse, he’s got that sheepish smile and a knack for making her ...

Modesty “Mo” Tarleton has a dream: to own the world's first airship café. Her children have their doubts, but she's determined to make it work. Who wouldn't want to have a coffee and cakes while soaring through the clouds? However, there's something bizarre about Mo's new business. In the corner of the café, there's a mysterious wardrobe—a portal to other worlds. Whether she likes it or not, Mo's café will be the new home of some rather paranormal guests, including a mermaid, a zombie, and a handsome cowboy with a secret.

Trouble seems to follow Penny Preston wherever she goes, but as usual when life gives her lemons, she makes lemon bars. Her trusty sidekick, Linda, has convinced her they need their Private Investigators licenses. The only problem is she can’t figure out how to tell the overprotective Deputy Hanson, now that they are dating, that she’s going all in on this mystery business.Penny’s new adventure takes a back seat when the local baker, Violet, turns up missing. With the baker’s ex-fiancé mysteriously returning to town it seems like the police may have a viable suspect, that is until ...

A Sweet, Clean, Small Town, Feel Good Christmas Romance Series Melissa Aspen dreams of owning a charming Bed and Breakfast, and when she steps into a breathtaking Victorian house up for auction, it feels like destiny. But her excitement is dashed when Harry Whittaker, a handsome yet infuriating businessman, enters the picture with his own plans for the property. When both submit identical bids, the owner proposes an unheard of solution: a Christmas Day Cook-Off in her home to decide the winner. Forced to work together through a whirlwind of festive projects, including preparing their ...

When a beautiful detective rolls into town with superior sleuthing skills, Luke and Bandit might just be out of a job. A charming baker-detective moves to Crystal Falls and wins over the town with her pastries, crime solving skills, and cuddly cat. But when a string of burglaries confound the police, Luke and Bandit must scramble to out-sleuth the new investigator before she takes over as the town detective. The burglaries take a deadly turn, and Luke’s telepathic link with his dog Bandit is more vital than ever to sniff out the criminal. The suspect list grows as Luke works from the ...

Hundreds of clean jokes for you, your family, and your kids.

This audiobook contains hundreds upon hundreds of the most funny and amusing jokes - so you can fall on the ground and start laughing your head off! You only live once, but if you live it right, then once is enough. These jokes will get you laughing for hours upon hours. Enjoy! Get it now.