Funny Christmas

Inspector Tuffle here, Scotland Yard. Speaking with the retiree seated before me in her Florida home. I have knowledge of a Christmas situation from 1964. Been keeping an envelope in my coat pocket while interrogating Ms. Helen Spencer on her 1960s experiences. It’s time to explore what happened. What exactly was Ms Spencer doing leading up to the Beatles Christmas shows of 1964? Who was the masked man? And why has she offered no information on it? All of London was scared, however she remains tight-lipped. A few things are certain: she was there, she worked with the Beatles… and no one...

Fantasy, mystery, and adventure collide in this exciting story that will leave you believing in the magic of Christmas! The perfect book for kids ages 8 to 12 this holiday season. Leo spends his time drinking hot cocoa, inventing new toys, and celebrating Christmas––but he is no ordinary elf! Leo is Santa’s guardian and sworn protector of the North Pole. Leo's life is pretty great, until the day Santa Claus tells him the world’s Christmas Spirit is in danger. With Christmas just around the corner, Santa Claus sends Leo on a mission to find the evil Sorrow King, a powerful wizard who...

As Izzie Firecracker dreams of Christmas in skimpy bikinis, her new husband changes the plan. The family business, a castle hotel on the Isle of Scree, is short of funds and can't refuse a wealthy American family who wants the 'Full Scottish Castle Experience' – complete with a resident ghost. But there is no ghost. Or is there? And no guest has murder in mind. Or do they? What Izzie presumed would be a quiet Christmas is anything but, and she's soon in a race against time to save the hotel, a guest's life - and a marriage! The Christmas Castle Ghost is the fourth and final book in the ...

A posh holiday party. The highest stakes. And more than a little danger.... A secretive philanthropist books Betty Snickerdoodle's brand new inn for her elite, ultra-private holiday poker tournament. With the hefty fee she's offering, it seems like Christmas has come a few days early--especially since the inn's not even open yet! But Bea Sickles--the savvy, 70-something ex-poker pro turned author behind Betty Snickerdoodle--smells trouble. "Might be a special gift from Santa," Bea says. "Or we might be getting a scam in our stocking." The set-up is undeniably odd. And as the tycoons settle ...

She nips to modern-day London for a spot of Christmas shopping.... ...and ends up in 1958. Scarlett visits London’s Oxford Street to soak up the festive atmosphere, buy gifts, drink coffee and eat pastries. There, she meets Maisie, an elderly homeless woman who regales the tragic tale of how she was imprisoned for a murder she didn't commit. And lost the love of her life. Soon, Scarlett and her hunky husband are in December 1958 to avert a tragedy, armed only with mince pies and Christmas cake. If they fail, Maisie will spend thirty years in prison and miss out on marriage. Don't miss the...

What if Mr. Martin had proposed to Harriet in person instead of writing a letter, thus receiving an acceptance rather than a refusal? Thus begins Harriet's Secret... When Mr. Martin visits Harriet one morning and proposes, she joyfully says yes without hesitation. But when she meets with Emma to deliver the happy news, confusion abounds—Emma thinks it's Mr. Elton who has proposed, and upon Harriet's clarification that it was not Mr. Elton but Mr. Martin, Emma assumes that Harriet refused the man—and poor Harriet leads Emma to believe she had refused him! When Mr. Knightley offers his ...

Dear Readers, Thank you for choosing this book! Before diving in, please note: this is NOT a children’s book. If you purchased this expecting a festive tale for little ones, please reconsider—this story was written with an adult audience in mind. Think of it as a glimpse into the real North Pole—without the sugarcoating. The characters here are as human as the rest of us, with all the complexities and imperfections that come with it. You’ll find adult language and themes that aren’t suitable for younger readers. You’ve been warned! Now, let’s dive into the story... The North ...

The North Wind and the Sun ******************************* " One day in late spring with the sun shining strong She announced to the North Wind, “You do not belong!” “It’s time you must leave, so things can get hot.” But the North Wind said simply, “Oh, no, I will not.” ********** About Aesop’s Fables ****** Who was Aesop, and why are his fables famous all over the world? In fact, very little is known about this mysterious Ancient Greek figure. He is thought to have been a slave originally from Africa, but even that isn’t known for certain. But his stories, with their ...

'Farting in a lift.... it's wrong on so many levels' A sh*t load of dad jokes that have been compiled and created by Joe King to entertain Dad's (and mums!) on whilst on the toilet. With over 500 jokes, you will love this! A superb gift to those dad's who think they are funny yet actually need some new jokes!

A cop, a pig, & a potty mouthed parrot walk into a bar. A Santa Claus thief, two special friends, pirates on the high seas, treasure hunts, lost dogs, an unruly pot-bellied pig, and a Jersey cow in the wrong place at the wrong time, spell trouble for Seal Island residents this Christmas. It is up to Gertrude, a pot-bellied pig, and her cohort, Peaches, a Jersey cow, to help save Christmas from a Grinch-like Santa Claus thief who decides that Seal Island is the perfect place for his base of operations while Betty & Reggie are out of commission having been kidnapped by smugglers on the high ...

Enjoy another slay-ride with this collection of Christmas horror stories. Creepy Christmas is the second volume in the series of holiday related terror penned by author Toby Bennett. A man who looked down the winding years of his tedious life and realized that he was more appalled by cheap cards and plastic trees than anything that might issue from the stygian depths of Dante’s pit. Join him this year for an alien invasion, an encounter with a yuletide psychopath and a traditional Wight Christmas. Not to mention the Boxing Day bonus. Four stories, a few laughs and one or two scares to ...

Escape the horrors of the festive season with this collection of zany and horrific tales. Thrill to the cries of bad children facing Krampus. Laugh along with Dr. Giggles holiday entertainer and quail before Frosty the incensed snowman. All with a healthy dose of idol worship, humour and irreverence… get this Christmas Cult Classic now!

‘A masterpiece. It’s like Jim Thompson and Irvine Welsh got together to write a Tony Black story’ BARRY GRAHAM When young Scots carpenter Joe is visited by the Wing Wizard Davie Cooper one Christmas Eve he gets the shock of his life—his partner is to give birth to a king that very night. Setting off through their scheme—guided only by an unusual, yet familiar, constellation—Joe and Mary-doll soon discover their shared passion for the opposing ends of the Scottish football terraces unites them in ways they could never have imagined. The Holy Father is a novelette delving into the...

It's a surprise Christmas wedding! Christmastime is here and due largely to the remarkable efforts of Sondra and Simon, the harrowing threat of the last few months is over. What better way to celebrate than with a lavish wedding? But Sondra insists she wants a courthouse ceremony. Simon isn’t convinced and is determined to make it an extraordinary celebration for the love of his life. Join the O’Brians as they transform the drab wedding into an enchanting winter wonderland, complete with twinkling lights, a Bitsy ring-bearer, and holiday cheer. Don’t forget the champagne and sprinkles...

This book was previously published as “The Christmas Swap” by Reba Bale. This year they’ll give each other a special Christmas gift…someone else! Nancy and James have been married for ten years, and things have gotten stale. Dull. Boring. Until the morning they finally open up to each other about their fantasies and realize that neither one of them is as vanilla as they assumed. The couple decides to dip their toes into the swingers lifestyle with an attractive couple who have offered to play with them in the past and things quickly get hot. As they swap partners and engage in sexy ...

Swipe Right for Disaster (A Holiday Novella) Lark Finley isn't exactly feeling the holiday spirit when her best friend signs her up for the Mistletoe Match Dating App—a Christmas-themed matchmaking service with one goal: find your perfect match before Christmas Day. But after a series of disastrous dates, Lark is ready to give up on love, the app, and maybe even Christmas altogether. The one bright spot in her holiday chaos? Liam, the sexy, easygoing bartender who’s been quietly watching her dating disasters unfold from the sidelines. As Christmas approaches and the pressure to find “...

Dr. Georgia Thackery is back at home with her parents after finding a new adjunct position at Bostock College. Everyone is excited for their first family Christmas with nothing to hide. Why? Because Georgia’s daughter, Madison, is now in the know about Sid, their walking, talking family skeleton. But their Christmas cheer is interrupted when the Thackerys' dog, Byron, goes missing on a cold December night. When he’s finally found, he has a femur clutched between his jaws, and Georgia and Madison race to apologize to Sid for letting the dog gnaw on him yet again

Is it possible to fall in love in one evening with a complete stranger? Ian Parker is about to find out. Ian is the proprietor of a successful local coffee house, in a suburb of Detroit. He wasn't expecting to fall head over heels in love with the beautiful, petite blonde that graced his presence, the weekend before Christmas, but he did. And how! When Nixie Davenport drove up to The Coffee Cabin on a Friday night, in a stolen car, she had no idea what kind of evening she was in for. The Coffee Cabin picks up where Alley Girl left off, only now Dalen Reese is part owner of The Coffee Cabin,...

Nothing breaks the ice like a frozen wife and whiskey. In the murderously hot kingdom of Lithowania—an island so deliberately missing from maps that explorers go to "great pains" to exclude it—Captain Slavic Kristofferson arrives with the ultimate diplomatic strategy: a massive ice sculpture of his wife's face. Where previous negotiators earned only spears in their hulls, Kristofferson's whiskey-on-ice and innovative snow machine soon have the natives building temples to frozen Hilda. After all, when you've spent your entire existence melting, the sudden discovery of "cold" becomes ...

When Lisa Marsh reluctantly agrees to serve Thanksgiving dinner at the local community center, she’s not prepared for the chaos that ensues. Between the lively teenagers, fiercely independent veterans, eccentric seniors, and one particularly gruff homeless man named Pete, the evening spirals into a disaster. But when her best friend dares her to do more, Lisa accepts the challenge: she’s going to help Pete turn his life around—whether he likes it or not. Her plan? Simple: clean him up (starting with a shave), find him a job, and make him respectable. Pete, however, has no interest in ...