Funny Biography

There's a mark on every stage around the world that signifies the center of its depth and width, called "center center." James Whiteside has dreamed of standing on that very mark as a principal dancer with the prestigious American Ballet Theatre ever since he was a twelve-year-old blown away by watching the company's spring gala.

This is a two-volume ebook edition of Doreen and Ken Tonks’ amusing, down-to-earth books about their life in southern Spain. Please see individual titles for descriptions and reviews.

(THE TONKS IN SPAIN containing SETTLING IN SPAIN and PROSPERING IN SPAIN is now also on sale at a reduced price.) Ken E. Tonks, husband of the celebrated travel writer Doreen B. Tonks, has finally put pen to paper to give his version of their first months in Spain, before recording the exciting events of the following spring and summer. Ken, usually a man of few words, bares his soul in this eventful narrative set on and around the Costa del Sol. His budding friendship with Fede the artist proves to be his passport into a life far removed from the insular expat community, and the singular ...

I never planned to write about my life with cerebral palsy (CP), but after years of absurd, frustrating, and hilarious experiences, I had to share them. This book is part memoir, part guide to navigating an able-bodied world when your body has its own agenda. From my mom almost being mistaken for a prostitute to a first date disaster in a movie theater, my life is full of bizarre encounters. Doctors talk over me, cops have been afraid of me, and strangers treat me like a sideshow.

Justin Brown sets off with nothing but a guitar, a backpack, and a G-string… the musical kind. Armed with charm and cheek he sets out to win a bet, one cringe-worthy doorstep at a time. From turkey farms to chip shops, posh suburbs to dodgy estates, Justin meets a cast of unforgettable Brits. Justin delivers a hilarious account of his fraught and totally unpredictable journey showing why he’s become an award-winning travel writer and bestselling author. 5 ★ REVIEW BY THE NZ HERALD By MARGIE THOMSON Blame it on the All Blacks: if they'd won their test match against Australia in August ...

Comedy meets drama in this cosy, heart-warming tale of a man, his dogs, and his dreams. Join Mark as he struggles with zany patients, gets fleeced by his ex-wife, and makes a friend called “Shovelhead”. Sometimes Mark’s ahead, mostly the world tramples him into the dirt, but so long as he has his dogs to go home to, his caravan (which IS home), and now Diane - Mark’s optimism never falters. Well, hardly ever... “Eyes Up” is the story of a home-visiting optician, written by—a home-visiting optician! WHAT READERS HAVE SAID: ‘The Optometrist equivalent of James Herriot?’ ‘...

STEADY ON, GEORGE! is the stirring and humorous account of the adventures of two mature men in Spain. Five months after his friend George becomes a widower, 76-year-old Mel Taylor finally gets his new knee into gear and flies out to visit him in Denia. Intending to stay for a couple of weeks, George soon whisks him off on a trip whose consequences threaten to turn his quiet life by the English seaside upside down. Despite the misgivings of his protective daughter Beth, Mel soon finds George’s desire for change and renewal so contagious that previously unthinkable ideas begin to seem quite...

She's spent thirty-five years in the public eye: 'Vanessa's Friends Say She's Drinking Custard!' Vanessa seizes her chance to set the record straight in this warm, witty, intensely human story. She spares no one's blushes, including her own. How could someone so clever make such cataclysmic mistakes? Vanessa's often wrong, but always relatable. She puts the 'Oh my goodness, I can never unread that paragraph!' into celebrity autobiography.

Matt Knott spent more than a decade traveling the globe as a private tutor. He has taught Shakespeare in Moscow, times tables in Tuscany and is still trying to figure out how to explain long division. With brilliant honesty and wit, he takes us inside a world most of us only glimpse speeding past in a luxury SUV. Unfolding across four continents and featuring a colourful cast of butlers, billionaires and yummy mummies, this is a hilarious and touching chronicle of an unforgettable time.

FROM THE FOREWORD BY MILLIE STEVENTON My Uncle Stan was a grumpy man when he began to write to me from Spain and he can’t be said to have mellowed much with age. This book contains only his letters to me, as his old-school habit of always referring to my missives removes the need to include my supportive, and sometimes censorious, replies which possess little of the descriptive power and mostly unintentional humour of his own copious correspondence. In a way I suppose that in the last few years I have been his only constant and empathic contact with the rest of humanity and this first ...

Eric Tansey, a former Army scout and Special Operations military veteran, joined the police force with a ton of unrealistic expectations. The reality of the job knocked him down and changed his perspective on everything. Always a magnet for uncanny, wild situations, Tansey reveals exactly what it’s like to deal with everyday life as a police officer—from trying to tackle naked suspects to pepper spraying yourself in the face, from dealing with an angry mob to coaxing suicidal subjects off a bridge, an uncut version of everything is included.

* BERYL AND FRED IN SPAIN now available, containing this book plus A Cat called Cheryl, with Fred and Beryl at a reduced price.* When Beryl and Fred decide to sell up and take a camper van tour around Spain with their lovable Cocker Spaniel, Ted, little do they realise how eventful their poorly planned trip will turn out to be. Intending to tour the whole country thoroughly in an anti-clockwise direction, one unexpected incident after another throws them off track and sees their faithful VW Camper, Vernon, transporting them to the south coast well ahead of any real or imagined schedule. ...

Maz Jobriani reads his hilarious and moving memoir of growing up Iranian in America and the quest to make it in Hollywood without having to wear a turban, tote a bomb, or get kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

Have you ever wondered what really happens during the day when your precious little angels are at school? In this book, the Two Mr Ps take you on a side-splittingly funny journey through the weird and wonderful world of primary schools. They also explore the pressures of modern-day teaching, revealing exactly what it takes to wrangle a chaotic classroom (or seven) on a weekly basis. From the absolute characters found in the staffroom to school-trip mishaps and everything else in between, Put a Wet Paper Towel on It is a must-hear for teachers and parents alike.

Filius Thoreau, arch-benefit fraudster and jaunty raconteur, celebrates the silver anniversary of his induction into the world of the workshy with his candid, but not too candid, autobiography in which he celebrates the unique and sinuous path he has steered through the minefield of work-obsessed modern Britain. From the dark days of the Poll Tax through the laissez-faire nineties to the ghastly government work schemes of the new millennium, Filius has marched onwards to the sound of his own personal drummer and constructed a uniquely apologist philosophy along the way.

Edited by Toni Morrison and first published in 1974, An Autobiography is a classic of the Black Liberation era which resonates just as powerfully today. Long hard to find, it is reissued now with a new introduction by Davis, for a new audience inspired and galvanised by her ongoing activism and her extraordinary example. In the book, she describes her journey from a childhood on Dynamite Hill in Birmingham, Alabama, to one of the most significant political trials of the century.

Before Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, and Doonesbury, there was Art Buchwald. For more than fifty years, from 1949 to 2006, Art Buchwald’s Pulitzer Prize-winning column of political satire and biting wit made him one of the most widely read American humorists and a popular player in the Washington world of Ethel and Ted Kennedy, Ben Bradlee, and Katharine Graham. Dean Acheson, former U.S. Secretary of State, called Buchwald the “greatest satirist in the English language since Pope and Swift.”

The first two books in THE PEDLEY CHRONICLES series: BERYL, FRED AND A DOG CALLED TED: When Beryl and Fred decide to sell up and take a camper van tour around Spain with their lovable Cocker Spaniel, Ted, little do they realise how eventful their poorly planned trip will turn out to be. Intending to tour the whole country thoroughly in an anti-clockwise direction, one unexpected incident after another throws them off track and sees their faithful VW Camper, Vernon, transporting them to the south coast well ahead of any real or imagined schedule. Parked up and ready to enjoy the delights of ...

The youngest of five siblings, Sara grew up on her father's cattle farm surrounded by dogs, cows, horses, fields and lots of 'cack'. The lanky kid sister - half girl, half forehead - a nuisance to the older kids, the farm was her very own dangerous adventure playground, 'a Bolton version of Narnia'. Her writing conjures up a time of wagon rides and haymaking and agricultural shows alongside chain-smoking pensioners, cabaret nights at the Conservative club and benign parenting.

The famed Internet personality - named one of Rolling Stone's Funniest People on Twitter and creator of the viral #notokay for women to share their stories of sexual assault - and best-selling author of Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar turns her laser-like wit to anxiety, parenthood (or "the sheer insanity of being in charge of the safety and livelihood of three people besides myself"), popular culture, and more in this razor sharp essay collection.