Fiction Suspense Adventure Humor

Daniel T. Drunk, Jr. if you really wanna know. And I’m on a plane headed to Paradise Isle on the trip of a lifetime. The occasion? My honeymoon. Except, there’s only one problem. I’m riding solo. It’s a really long story, and if you don’t mind, I’d prefer to leave it at that. Really? You must know? Fine, I get it. You’re the nosey type. Here’s the abbreviated version. I came within an inch of marrying a cheating slut. There. Get the picture? Good.

Even after an exhausting morning defending the ranch against a vicious one-eyed robot, Hank the Cowdog, Head of Ranch Security, still has energy left to supervise Little Alfred's fishing trip.

When Hank the Cowdog hears suspicious sounds coming from near Sally May's clothesline, it leads to a midnight investigation of the ranch. Before he knows it, Hank finds himself caught up with his old friend Eddy the Rac - and face-to-face with one of a dog's greatest enemies: the dreaded Laundry Monster!

While Freddy the pig relaxes in his best cowboy outfit and sings a song, he decides that he needs a vacation. He will ride his pony, Cy, out West. He'll see some wide-open spaces and maybe find some excitement. But before Freddy can leave, the excitement finds him first. Uncle Ben races up to the farm and asks Freddy for help. A pack of sneaky spies is trying to steal Uncle Ben's plans for building a flying saucer.

There's something spooky going on at the ranch! When Halloween arrives, Hank - the self-appointed Head of Ranch Security - has got his hands full of adventure. First there's a problem with the Tricker Trees. Then the ranch is invaded by two skeletons, a witch, and a pirate. And when Hank goes to investigate a strange sound in the cake house, he's sure it can only be one thing...a ghost. Can Hank rid the ranch of this unwanted visitor? Or is he destined to be spooked for good?

Rufus the Doberman Pinscher has come to the ranch, and he's harassing the girl of Hank's dreams - the beautiful Miss Beulah the Collie. Meanwhile, Hank is suffering a serious case of mopwater poisoning. In his weakened condition, he enlists the help of that crafty little owl, Madame Moonshine.

When Hank the Cowdog sticks his nose where it doesn't belong - into an old pipe behind the machine shed - he gets more than he bargained for. Before he can say "boy howdy", Hank gets a nip that sets his eyes a-watering and his snouta-throbbing.

Henry and his wife, Frances, have gone bamboo - living an idyllic, tequila-drenched life as two of the Caribbean's most charming expatriates (and professional assassins). But when Charlie "Wagons" Iannello, a powerful capo with a heart of gold, is relocated to the island under the Federal Witness Protection Program, Henry and Frances' plan suddenly, dangerously falls apart.

Never meddle with unidentified spying objects...The year is: The Future. Mars and Earth are like that divorced couple who don’t exactly like each other but have at least stopped fighting in public. Floating somewhere in between them, amid all the garbage and Gene Roddenberry’s ashes, a transport vessel called the SS Jefferson is homeward bound. Its crew might have even made it on time for once, too...

No sooner has Sally May finished planting her vegetable garden when some kind of unearthly being decides to burrow in the neatly planted rows of tomatoes and peppers. It looks like a job for the Head of Ranch Security, so Hank sets straight to work trying to dig the space monster robot out of its hole.

Eleven-year-old P. T. Wilkie may be the greatest storyteller alive. But he knows one thing for a fact: The Wonderland Motel is the best place a kid could ever live! All-you-can-eat poolside ice cream! A snack machine in the living room! A frog slide! A giant rampaging alligator! (Okay, that last one may or may not be made up.) There's only one thing the Wonderland doesn't have, though: customers. And if the Wonderland doesn't get them soon, P. T. and his friend Gloria may have to say good-bye to their motel.

It all starts with a school essay. Twelve-year-old Gratuity “Tip” Tucci is assigned to write five pages on “The True Meaning of Smekday” for the National Time Capsule contest, and she’s not sure where to begin: When her mom started telling everyone about the messages aliens were sending through a mole on the back of her neck? Maybe on Christmas Eve, when huge, bizarre spaceships descended to Earth, and aliens - called the Boov - abducted her mother?

For a policeman, there can be few things worse than a serial killer loose in your city. Except, perhaps, a serial killer who targets coppers, and a city on the brink of bloody revolution. For Commander Sam Vimes, it all feels horribly familiar. Caught on the roof of a very magical building during a storm, he's found himself back in his own rough, tough past without even the clothes he was standing up in when the lightning struck. Living in the past is hard, especially when your time travel companion is a serial killer who knows where you live.

How do you spell trouble? R-A-M-B-O. After a brilliant use of the Syruptishus Loaderation maneuver, Hank the Cowdog wins himself a free ride into town. But when the ticket turns out to be one-way, the trouble begins for the head of ranch security.

It seems that Hank's beloved sister and her children are the target of malicious threats from the neighborhood bully, a Great Dane named Rambo.

The Bailey School soccer team hasn't had a lot of success, but their new coach seems like the woman to help whip them into shape. Coach Graves is a little rough around the edges, but she's good at what she does. That is until a strange old lady turns up at one of their practices. After that, Coach Graves has a vacant look in her eyes, mumbles and groans in response to the kids, and moves like she's back from the dead.

Someone has been stealing feed out of the feed shed, and Hank knows that it's his job to do whatever he can do to help nab the culprit. So when Slim sets a live-animal trap in the shed, Hank takes it upon himself to check it in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, the trap is a little trickier than Hank anticipated, and in the process of his investigation Hank manages to get himself...well...trapped.

Will the twins make it back home to California in one piece, or will they fall off the top of the Golden Gate Bridge? It's all coming to an end with this fifth book in the Genius Files series. You'll have to listen to believe it!

After two rollicking adventures through Western literature, resourceful literary detective Thursday Next definitely needs some downtime. And what better place for a respite than in the hidden depths of the Well of Lost Plots, where all unpublished books reside? But peace and quiet remain elusive for Thursday, who soon discovers that the Well is a veritable linguistic free-for-all, where grammasites run rampant, plot devices are hawked on the black market, and lousy books—like the one she has taken up residence in—are scrapped for salvage.

When the body of a mysterious woman is found to be carrying the phone number of James Bond, Bond is called in by M to help the investigation. But before he can even reach headquarters he is nearly run off the road in a high-speed motorway chase. Someone wants Bond dead.

Florian is 12 years old and has just moved to Washington. He's learning his way around using TOAST, which stands for the Theory of All Small Things. It's a technique he invented to solve life's little mysteries. But when he teaches it to his new friend Margaret, they uncover a mystery that isn't little. In fact, it's huge, and it involves the National Gallery, the FBI, and a notorious crime syndicate known as EEL. Can Florian decipher the clues and finish his homework in time to help the FBI solve the case?