With & For / Dr. Pam King Podcast Por Dr. Pam King arte de portada

With & For / Dr. Pam King

With & For / Dr. Pam King

De: Dr. Pam King
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 With & For explores the depths of psychological science and spiritual wisdom to offer practical guidance towards spiritual health, wholeness, and a life of thriving. Hosted by developmental psychologist Dr. Pam King. Ciencia Ciencias Sociales Espiritualidad Hygiene & Healthy Living Psicología Psicología y Salud Mental
Episodios
  • The Gift of Mutual Relationships, with Dr. Jessica ChenFeng

    The Gift of Mutual Relationships, with Dr. Jessica ChenFeng
    Jun 9 2025
    Meaningful relationships are mutual. Balanced with give and take, equal influence between partners, and a vibrant dance of loving responsiveness and caring attention.Marriage and Family Therapist and professor Dr. Jessica ChenFeng is calling us toward a more justice-oriented approach to relationships and to mental health and well-being, She invites us to open-hearted and empathic perspective taking, and seeking an integrated wholeness that incorporates all of who we are—highlighting the gift of mutuality in our most intimate relationships in marriage and family life.In this conversation with Jessica ChenFeng, we discuss:The importance of integrated and whole experience of ourselves—allowing racial, gender, and cultural identities to weave together in our sense of vocation and contribution to the worldThe importance of mutuality in relationships—but particularly in marriage and family systems.The ways emotional power flows in a relationship and impacts marriage and family dynamicsThe difference between partners focusing on meeting their individual needs and caring for the health of an intimate relationshipAnd she offers a guided practical exercise to help us lovingly notice and accept our inner experience with a heart open to justice, vulnerability, and the reminder that we are beloved in the eyes of God.Episode Highlights"Systems of power harm everyone—and to live life to the full, we have to see each other fully.""I believe our move toward life to the full requires us to see the world through a third-order lens: not just family systems, but the racial, gender, and societal systems they exist within.""Mutuality means not just expressing our needs but being willing to be changed by the needs of others.""If we're not attuned to the pleasant sensations in our bodies, we miss the invitations to thrive.""Cultural norms are not God-given realities; they are social constructs we are invited to discern and transform.""Knowledge without authentic relationship keeps us from truly seeing the embodied experiences of others."Helpful Links and ResourcesCheck out the programs in Marriage & Family Therapy at Fuller School of Psychology www.fuller.edu/school-of-psychology/Fuller Asian American Center aac.fuller.edu/Socio-Emotional Relationship Therapy (SERT) OverviewCircle of Care Model ExplainedPositive Psychology and EmotionsJeanne Tsai's Research on Culture and EmotionAsian American Values Scale ReferenceRace and Trauma ResourcesJeanne Tsai’s research on culture and emotion – Stanford SPARQJohn and Julie Gottman Relationship ResearchAsian American Values Scale – Paniagua & Yamada (Academic resource)Show NotesJessica ChenFeng shares her "yes and" identity as a second-generation Taiwanese American grounded in both math and creativity.How earthy aesthetics and connection to nature shape Jessica's professional and personal flourishing.The integration of Christian faith with clinical work at Fuller Seminary."Seeing systems of systems" — why thriving requires understanding how race, gender, and cultural forces shape individuals and families.Introduction to socio-emotional relationship therapy (SERT) and the value of mutuality in relationships.Defining mutuality: mutual attunement, mutual influence, mutual vulnerability, and mutual relational responsibility."Mutuality asks: Are both people tending to the relationship itself?"Practical signs of mutual and non-mutual relationships, including emotional attunement and willingness to be influenced.The importance of humility and relational awareness in building mutual relationships.The Circle of Care model: cultivating healthy relational dynamics through attunement and responsiveness.Discerning relational power dynamics in marriages, friendships, and work relationships."Thriving is an open heart, even on a stressful day."How emotional self-control in Asian American cultures is often rooted in relational ethics, not personal repression.The risk and gift of navigating cross-generational emotional communication in immigrant families.Differentiated selfhood: balancing authenticity with cultural respect in relational dynamics.Race, culture, and relational healing: why systems of privilege harm everyone."Love your neighbor as yourself" as an ethic for mutual flourishing across racial and cultural difference.Building trust by leaning into discomfort and courageous conversations.The need for embodied encounters with real people beyond theories of race and difference.Mindfulness practice: Jessica leads a guided exercise in attuning to pleasant sensations in the body.The transformational power of positive emotions and embodiment for creativity and resilience.The relational impact of systemic racialization and why "colorblindness" fails to honor real lived experience.Final reflections: How knowing who we are through systemic and relational lenses allows deeper thriving.Pam King’s Key TakeawaysEach of us in the human family is a beloved child of God—and we need to ...
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    1 h y 8 m
  • How to Restore a Relationship, with Dr. Terry Hargrave

    How to Restore a Relationship, with Dr. Terry Hargrave
    May 26 2025
    Romantic relationships are sacred, powerful, and life-giving. But I don’t have to tell you how difficult it is to love and let yourself be loved.Marriage and family therapist Dr. Terry Hargrave has been helping couples in crisis restore broken relationships for decades, teaching them how to get unstuck, improve communication, and move beyond destructive coping mechanisms—to find reciprocity, self-affirming confidence, emotional regulation, and a joyful, lasting love.In a world marked by loneliness, disconnection, and emotional dysregulation, Hargrave offers powerful insights on the human need for identity, safety, and belonging—and how we can heal the wounds that keep us stuck. Drawing on decades of therapeutic experience and deep personal reflection, Hargrave explains how coping mechanisms like blame, shame, control, and escape can damage relationships—and how the peace cycle of nurture, self-valuing, balanced give-and-take, and connection can restore wholeness. He discusses his unique approach to the healing and restorative power of relationships, which lifts us up to our potential, encouraging us toward a nurturing, self-valuing, non-controlling reciprocity, and true connection.In this conversation with Terry Hargrave, we discuss:How to turn around a relationship in crisis and get off the emotional rollercoasterHow to build security and trust in order to improve or repair a marriage or long-term relationshipCoping mechanisms of blame, shame, control, and escapePractical steps to learn emotional self-regulationWhat to do when only one partner is working on a relationshipThe role of the brain and neuroplasticity in relational repairAnd the spiritual underpinnings of Terry’s approach to restoration therapyEpisode Highlights"It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing—until you claim your belovedness for yourself, nothing will change.""Relationships are a mirror—we discover who we are through how others see us.""Blame, shame, control, and escape—nothing good comes from these coping mechanisms.""Understanding doesn’t produce change. Doing produces change.""When we nurture, self-value, connect, and cooperate, unleashed joy happens.""Thriving is doing more of your best self, not learning something new."Helpful Links and ResourcesRestoration Therapy Training ResourcesThe Mindful Marriage by Ron Deal and Nan Deal (with Terry and Sharon Hargrave)Five Days to a New Self by Terry HargraveEmotionally Focused Therapy and Sue Johnson's LegacyShow NotesIntroduction to Terry Hargrave and the importance of Restoration Therapy today"We are still the same humans, but with a bigger pipe of problems and fewer emotional connections."Emotional dysregulation linked to identity and safety threatsRelationships as a mirror to the self and necessary for human thriving"For there to be a me, there has to be a thou."Why relationships are difficult: imperfection, wounding, and unmet needsHow family of origin wounds influence coping styles"Families don't mean to screw each other up, but somehow they manage to."Introduction of the four major unhealthy coping mechanisms: blame, shame, control, and escapeHow overachievement, perfectionism, and withdrawal are survival strategies from early wounding"Your greatest strength might actually be an old coping habit getting in the way of intimacy."The relational signs that coping mechanisms are damaging relationshipsHealing through self-regulation: speaking truth to yourself with love"Put your hand on your heart and remind yourself of who you really are."The difference between co-regulation and self-regulation in emotional healingRestoration Therapy’s peace cycle: nurture, self-value, balance, connection"Nothing good comes from blame, shame, control, or escape."The role of practice and neuroplasticity in forming new relational habits"Doing, not just understanding, is what rewires the brain."How thriving relationships move from neediness to adventurous partnershipIntimacy as knowing yourself more fully through connection, not just need satisfactionCooperative growth and mutual flourishing as hallmarks of thrivingApplication of restoration principles to broader societal healing and reconciliation"Unleashed joy happens when we choose nurture and connection, even with adversaries."The critical role of faith in affirming belovedness and ultimate identity"Everyone else and even God can tell you you're beloved—but you have to claim it for yourself."Practical advice for knowing when to seek therapyWhere to find Restoration Therapy-trained therapistsResources for learning more: Mindful Marriage and other Restoration Therapy booksThe key takeaways that I will carry with me from this conversation are the following:You can change. Your relationship can change. But it takes a daily practice of hard work to create lasting change.And though you might fail, there is hope that you can begin again.Our coping mechanisms are not superpowers. They hurt us and the people we ...
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    1 h y 8 m
  • Why Morality Matters: Gratitude, Loyalty, and Hope, with Dr. Mona Siddiqui

    Why Morality Matters: Gratitude, Loyalty, and Hope, with Dr. Mona Siddiqui
    May 12 2025
    You can’t be moral on your own. That’s a radical idea in this time of moral outrage, but thriving in public life requires a sense of mutual accountability, belonging, and hospitality for each other.Mona Siddiqui is a professor of religion and society, an author, commentator, and public intellectual, and she suggests that the virtues of loyalty, gratitude, hospitality, and hope can lead us through the common struggle of being human together, living forward into a thriving life of public faith and renewed moral imagination.As Professor of Islamic and Interreligious Studies, Assistant Principal for Religion and Society, and Dean international for the Middle-East at the University of Edinburgh, she is an international beacon of hope that we might find restoration, hospitality, and flourishing in our world of struggle. Working through questions of loyalty, responsibility, belonging, gratitude, robust faith, and what we owe each other, we can find abundant resources for thriving and spiritual health.In this conversation with Mona Siddiqui, we discuss:What is a moral life?The connection between faith, spirituality, and living a moral life of responsibility and integrityThe difference between cultivating virtuous character and doing justiceHow to thrive in a pluralistic society marked by constant struggle and conflictThe promise of gratitude and hospitality in a life of thrivingAnd how to pursue a hopeful, forward-looking approach to restoration in the wake of harm, loss, pain, and suffering.Episode Highlights"Our moral life only becomes alive when we are in a relationship—you can't be moral on your own.""Life is all about searching. Life is all about introspection. Life is all about reflection.""The good life is hard; it's not about ease, but about living with accountability and responsibility.""Hospitality isn't just welcoming—it's negotiating belonging, loyalty, and a sense of shared life.""Gratitude can liberate, but it can also create hierarchies and transactional indebtedness.""Hope is not naive optimism—without hope, how do you live, build relationships, or carry forward at all?"Helpful Links and ResourcesFollow Mona on X (Twitter) at @monasiddiqui7*Christians, Muslims, and Jesus,* by Mona SiddiquiHuman Struggle, Christian and Muslim Perspectives, by Mona SiddiquiA Theology of Gratitude: Christian and Muslim Perspectives, by Mona SiddiquiMy Way: A Muslim Woman’s Journey by Mona SiddiquiThe Moral Maze, BBC Radio 4Show NotesMona Siddiqui’s personal background in Islamic jurisprudence and public theology“I got into Islamic jurisprudence because of personal connection and intellectual curiosity.”Navigating public discourse post-9/11 as a non-white, non-Christian scholarImportance of pluralism and living within diverse identities"I need to create a space that appeals to a wider audience—not just about what I think."Growing up with intellectual freedom in a traditional Islamic householdHow faith upbringing seeds lifelong moral introspection"You are always answering to yourself—you know when you have not lived rightly."Developing comparative theology through seminars with Christian scholarsOverlapping themes between Islamic and Christian thought on the good lifeThe significance of accountability over blanket forgiveness"Belonging is crucial to being a good citizen—you can’t flourish alone."Exploration of loyalty: loyalty to people vs loyalty to principlesCivic loyalty and critical engagement with the state“Because I feel loyal to my country, I should also be its critic.”The role of prayer in cultivating internal moral awarenessReflection on virtues: gratitude, loyalty, hopeThe dark sides of gratitude and loyalty in institutionsParenting with a focus on integrity, accountability, and faithfulness“Live so that whatever you say in public, you can say at home—and vice versa.”Emphasis on public engagement: speaking clearly, making complex ideas accessible"Radio became a gift—people want complex ideas made simple and meaningful."Remaining hopeful despite the culture of outrage and cynicismYoung people’s resilience and persistent hopefulnessHospitality as a fundamental ethic for creating trust and belongingStruggle as a normative, transformative experience that shapes flourishing"Thriving is not just freedom—it’s centering, writing, speaking, and deep human connection."The importance of relationships in thriving and flourishing“Most of us realize—relationships are the hardest, but the most rewarding.”Redefining gratitude: avoiding transactional gratitude, cultivating authentic gratefulnessStruggle cultivates introspection, resilience, creativity, and a deeper moral lifePam King’s Key TakeawaysI can’t be moral on my own. But my decisions are my own. In the end, living with integrity means living with virtue.Personal and public flourishing are deeply connected to our lives of faith and spirituality; and all of us need to bring the depths of our personal spiritual ...
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    1 h y 2 m
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