You've done the coaching and the therapy, you've read the books, you've listened to the podcasts - and finally, you can accept that you're just as worthy as the next person! You belong here! You can stand up, take up space, and be proud! You can stop carrying all that anxiety, fear, and shame! Except ... nobody told your anxiety, fear, and shame. You feel just as uncertain as you ever did. And, to make things worse, you now also feel like an irrational mess, because if all those insights you've made about yourself haven't made any difference, perhaps you're beyond help?

Don't worry, friend. We've all been there. Your imperfect friend here is throwing you a lifeline in the shape of the 18th-century Scottish philosopher, David Hume. Weird image, but still: you're normal, you're still moving forward, and all you need is a primer on what's going on when what you believe clashes with what you feel.

Reference:

Hume, David. 1739: A Treatise of Human Nature, Book II, Section III.

You know all the advice about ignoring your inner critic, avoiding comparisons, and giving yourself credit for your achievements. But you can't shake the sense that the real you is something shameful, something you need to keep hidden at all costs, and that those people who say nice things about you would be horrified if they knew what you were really like.

Friend, you've got Real You all wrong. The fact that there are parts of you that you'd hate to share with others doesn't make you wrong, or an impostor, or shameful. According to the sociologist Erving Goffman, you're completely normal. Your Imperfectionist Godmother is here to help you make friends with your secret self - and to see that everyone else has one too.

Reference:

Goffman, Erving. 1956: The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life (University of Edinburgh Social Sciences Research Centre).

Ah, the sabbatical. Getting one is like hitting the jackpot, right? All your problems would melt away if you had one. You'd go into it a frazzled, anxious, burnt out mess, and emerge serene, rested, and with a few dazzling additions to your CV. In fact, you'd be so sorted if you got a sabbatical that it's probably never occurred to you that you might need some hand-holding through the process.

Enter our guest for this episode, Bethany Wilinski, Associate Professor at Michigan State University, sabbatical coach, and host of the Sabbatical 101 podcast. Bethany's own sabbatical experience taught her that, if you're not careful, a sabbatical can make you feel more burnt out and depleted, not less. She now works with academics to help them use their sabbaticals to rest, recharge, reconnect with what excites them, and relate to their work in a healthier way. Bethany is here to ensure that, if and when you're lucky enough to get a sabbatical, you can make it work for you.

You can find Bethany's website, including a link to her podcast, here.

What's your reaction when your inner critic tells you that what you're doing is not good enough? If you think she's right, and that it's only thanks to her that you're getting anything done at all, you're not alone. But while you're busy listening to your inner critic, you're overlooking the fact that she's not helping you. In fact, she's making things worse. She's so greedy and impatient to get more from you that she's hurting your ability to get things done. She's killing your productivity, just like the farmer killed the goose that laid the golden eggs in Aesop's fable. Join your imperfect friend for an important fairytale lesson on the importance of self-acceptance.

Do you know how writing is supposed to feel when it's going well? If you're anything like I was a few years ago, you have some pretty bizarre ideas here, involving things like hours on end of laser-sharp flow, iron-clad willpower to resist distractions, and a mind that is drawn towards lofty ideas instead of flighty nonsense. The fact that my actual experiences with writing didn't remotely resemble this fantasy was, in my mind, due to my many shameful shortcomings. I'm not like that now, and my writing goes a lot better as a result. In large part, that's because I better understand what writing is really like. And in this episode I want to talk about an aspect of that: the writing warm-up.

When you're done with this episode, why not go and listen to Bethany Wilinski interview me on her podcast, Sabbatical 101?

Are you entitled? If not, you should be. No, not like that. I'm not talking about over-entitlement, which these days seems to be what people mean when they talk about entitlement. We don't hear so much about under-entitlement: people who allow themselves to be short-changed by life because they don't realise they should be getting more. Or, rather, we do hear about this, but we don't talk about it using the language of entitlement. Does that matter? Yes, it does, because thinking of 'entitlement' as a dirty word is holding you back.

Focus your attention on what you can control. That's what the Stoics taught us. But if you're someone who responds to every bad outcome with guilt-filled 'If only I'd ...' thoughts, you might be overestimating how much lies within your control. Don't worry - we can fix that. Grab a cuppa and sit down with your Imperfectionist friend for the first solo episode of 2025.

You can find the Wheel of Life exercise here, and the Core Values exercise here.

Have you ever wondered whether Stoicism might help you manage the stresses of modern life and find peace and satisfaction despite things being far more imperfect that you'd like? Have you ever wondered what Stoicism even is, other than a source of motivational poster slogans and the inspiration for 4-minute-read online articles called things like 'Use These 3 Stoic Hacks to Put Out Your Bin Fire of a Life'? You have? Then this is the episode for you. I interview my colleague, Professor John Sellars, who is not only a scholar of Stoicism, but is also devoted to helping people improve their lives by following Stoic principles.

John Sellars is professor of philosophy at Royal Holloway, University of London, Visiting Research Fellow at King’s College London, and Member of Common Room at Wolfson College, Oxford. He’s a founding member of the London Centre for Ancient Philosophy and a member of two non-profit organizations aimed at bringing Stoicism to a wider audience, Modern Stoicism and The Aurelius Foundation. You can learn more about John, and find links to his books, articles, and more, at his website.

Do you want to live like a Stoic for a week?

Find The Academic Imperfectionist on Medium!