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Refrain from the Norm

Refrain from the Norm

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STOP don't fall for the normal tricks, you know the one that got you hurt the last time, and the time before. You know the pattern that you always tend to fall for, either in intimate relationships or in friendships. What is wrong with you? Why do you keep setting yourself up for failure, and then fall into a depressed state? Do you have " use me" written across your forehead, or, are you putting too much expectations on relationships, or in people who do not care about the relationship as much as you? Why do we automatically feel that just because you associate with someone that you are best friends or that it would be a two-sided relationship? In relationships, you must have common interests, and you should get to know each other on different levels. Get to know a persons character, the morals and values, their pet peaves or likes and dislikes.  When we speak or elaborate on the norm, What are we truly asking? Are we inquiring about the norms of society? or the norm for different genders? or the norm for different ethnic groups and races of people? or the norm for those that are christian or athiest?  I think that the norm is basically what each individual or group considers to be normal based on experiences.  For example: An abusive home life compared to a nurturing homelife. If someone has grown up in an abusive home, would it be fair to assume, that they think it is normal? Especially if they only witnessed abuse throughout their life.  Would someone that was raised in a nurturing home understand the problems of someone that was raised in an abusive home? How would they respond to visiting someone in an abusive environment? Would they have more understanding of the behaviors of the abuse victim?  Would they sympathize with the individual? Would they think that it is just a victims mentality they are protraying, are they seeking attention from others if they share their life history, or have they overcome these obstacles in life and share their testimony to help others, or express who they are and what they've overcome in life as a way of strengthening themselves?  For me I share my testimony, because I am amazed how the Lord brought me through and I still have peace, joy, happiness. You know the unspeakable joy the bible speaks about. I have that type of joy now in my life. I am ever so thankful to the Lord, he is the one who gets the Glory when we share what he brought us through, and it helps others who think they are alone to know that their is someone else in the world that experienced what they have and survived.  My life as a teenager and into adulthood was surrounded by abuse for many years, things that I witnessed as a child with different female relatives and even while in school. It had my thought process thinking that abuse was normal, being hit by a man, keeping you in line. But, then as I got older and started dating I found that it was not normal, but constant occurrence. I personally experienced domestic violence in different relationships and each time I thought I was getting out, I ended right back in a new abusive relationship, if it wasn't sexual assault, it was financial, verbal or physical abuse. It truly became my normal for a few years, until the last straw. That's what I thought!  Relationships would start out beautiful, but after a few months it would go down like a fiery flame. I don't know what changed, was it me, was I naive? Did I miss something? Did I cause the problem or did they have a problem? Why didn't I see the evidence, or did I just dismiss the evidence? Those were the questions I started asking myself after decades of turmoil. I know those maybe the same questions you might have asked yourself as well. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in the beauty of the relationship that we miss those signs when he/she would get verbally aggressive and chalk it up to them having a bad day at work or something. Other times we dismiss the aggressive grab or push and they realize it, so they immediately apologize, so again you dismiss this behavior as a bad day or bad mood. It was evident already where this would end up, but you stayed in it, because it felt good to be loved. I know; and so we decide to give it a try after all, he/she couldn't be that bad of a person. Look at how many friends they have, and the fun we have together, the family life, and yes you feel security there, or is it a facade? As I got older I realized that a person can only pretend to be something they are not for about 30 to 60 days, you'll start to see evidence within 30 days, but chalk it off to something else. Guess what? You just fell into the pattern of the norm that you are accustomed to. Things you need to refrain from: Rushing a relationship, having intimate relations after a short period of time, sharing past relationship failures, and letting people know just how vulnerable you are. Once I realized that fighting, yelling, sexual abuse, financial abuse or control was not normal, I ...
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