I carried a victim mentality for most of my life, thinking everything was happening TO me, and I had no choices. I blamed everyone else for my suffering, and when I ran out of other people to blame, I blamed my anxiety and depression. I didn’t believe that I could make a difference in my own life. The cards were dealt, and I had to play the game until I lost. Working the steps of my sobriety program changed that view and still does today in stroke recovery. This morning, I had lots of memory bubbles, that reminded me of all my “not-yets” that are waiting for me if I pick up a drink again.

Today I know I have choices, and I don’t need extraordinary strength to persevere. I just need to do the next right thing in front of me. When my ego wants to point fingers, I can pause, remove unhealthy people from my life, surrender to what I can’t control, or simply rest. Each small choice rewrites my story from a powerless victim to a person participating in recovery with grace, gratitude, and many many gifts.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#SobrietyJourney #RecoveryCommunity #StrokeRecovery #MentalHealthMatters #ChooseRecovery #NextRightThing #ProgressNotPerfection #FromVictimToVictor #LetGoLetGod #EmpoweredLiving

This Independence Day, I didn’t watch the fireworks. I crawled into bed with my pups and put on meditation music for dogs (link included below.) It actually worked! Boris, who just the night before was shaking the bed with his nerves, calmed down after only a few minutes. I must admit they had some assistance from a little puppy-safe catnip called PuppyJawana. I turned the volume up just enough to blend the booms with the music. So, we didn’t miss out. We tuned in to calm and peaceful gratitude. And for the first time, I didn’t feel jealous that I couldn’t watch the fireworks. There was no place I’d rather be, and I honored my boundaries. That’s something worth celebrating! Sometimes the most freeing thing I can do is say no to what hurts me even if it's something I want.

For so long, I believed I had no willpower to do what was best for me. I thought I was just weak and unable to resist what I wanted in the moment. But through sobriety, stroke recovery, and everyday surrender to chronic pain, I’ve realized I don’t need willpower. I need consistent willingness to do the next right thing in front of me. What looks like strength from the outside isn’t superhuman effort. It’s just one step at a time over and over again. Some days, my “wanter” and the next right thing align, and those days feel like gratitude. But even when they don’t align, I can pause, make healthy choices, and keep my eyes on the horizon without tripping over the pebbles right in front of me. That’s not willpower. That’s freedom of choice not blurred by addiction.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Relaxing Music for Dogs to Calm Down | GREAT FOR FIREWORKS! @MerlinsRealms https://youtu.be/wsYT7ErnznQ?si=8zY7os_4qqH2iTSh

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#IndependenceInRecovery #WillingnessOverWillpower #SobrietyJourney #StrokeRecovery #EmotionalSobriety #NextRightThing #HealingNotHustling #FireworksAndFeelings #HonorYourBoundaries #RecoveryWithGrace

I went rucking today for an entire mile and a half by myself! I’m trying to build strength, and it’s absolutely a “no pain, no gain” situation. Afterward, before heading home, I sat on a park bench and was surrounded by birds singing. Before I even had a chance to exhale, I started recording my podcast for the day.

My topic today, “Easy Does It,” is easier said than done. Even when I’m walking, I have to remind myself to relax my shoulders, breathe, slow down, you’re not in a race. I’m repeatedly reminded in life to let go of my tension. Yoga, dog training, vestibular recovery, doing the dishes (without braking any) have all taught me that, and yet I’m twisted up like a rubber band no matter what I’m doing. I want to do as much as possible in the least amount of time.

Stroke recovery is teaching me to stop between tasks and check in on how I’m feeling. Sometimes, like today, I talk about slowing down, but don’t actually do it. I’m holding myself accountability and sharing it out loud because I know I’m not unique in this. “Easy Does It” echoes the same idea as yesterday about slowing down to the speed of joy. I’m still figuring out where that line is between doing the next right thing and just busying myself to avoid stillness.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#EasyDoesIt #StrokeRecovery #OneDayAtATime #NoPainNoGain #RecoveryJourney #SlowDownToGrow #MindfulMovement #VestibularRecovery #ProgressNotPerfection #NextRightThing

Our inner dialogue can be shaped by the voices around us, especially the critical ones. I can latch on to a passing comment from a stranger and fester in it. Today I noticed that what I feed myself is what I’ll come to believe. If I dwell in shame or defensiveness, those beliefs grow stronger. But if I stay grounded in present moment within my little footprint on the earth, in addition to faith and community, I feed myself the gentle truth of who I am, worthy of compassion.

Belief grows from what we repeatedly give our attention to. That includes the spaces we create for peace, the people we surround ourselves with, and the quiet ways we talk to ourselves when no one else is watching. When I plug into recovery meetings, my higher power, and my podcast, I’m recharging my battery. As I heard this morning, it’s like plugging into a power source, and the longer I stay connected to what heals me, the longer I hold onto the faith that fuels me. We are what we eat, yes. But we also become what we feed our minds and spirits.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#FeedYourFaith #InnerHealing #RecoveryJourney #MindfulLiving #SpiritualGrowth #CompassionOverCriticism #BeliefInAction #EmotionalSobriety #HealingEnergy #RechargeYourSoul

Where does fierce determination come from? I always thought those people who never stop and drive themselves to triumph each day have unbelievable will power. But how is that possible? Will power is depleting, so they must depend on something inexhaustible. The two sources that came to mind are faith and desperation.

I heard someone say this morning that desperation is a gift, and in my recovery journey it has been exactly that. That feeling of confusion, fear, and hopelessness can fuel determination just in knowing the alternative tied to giving up. Desperation is a sense of full depletion, and yet it can fuel us remake ourselves. And honestly, desperation can trigger and fuel faith as well. My determination comes from consistently seeking faith, because faith doesn’t deplete when I seek it.

When I’m bored, I feel some emotions that mimic desperation. Boredom, I’ve determined, is not a sign that I need to find something to do. It’s a signal that something is depleted within me. The restlessness, frustration, and emotional exhaustion is an invitation to self-reflect and lean in to faith.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#FaithInRecovery #GiftOfDesperation #FierceDetermination #EmotionalSobriety #RecoveryJourney #WillpowerVsFaith #MentalHealthHealing #InnerStrength #SpiritualGrowth #BoredomAndBreakthrough

After my stroke, and on the day I medically retired, I sat crying on my front stoop feeling defeated. I thought, “What do I have left?” But then came the answer, “my voice.” I had lost my ability to speak during the stroke and regained it thanks to a clot-busting medication. Since then, I’ve felt this deep responsibility to use my voice, but not just with my podcast. In recovery, I also began expressing myself through painting, sewing, sketching, and upcycling. I love to transform old broken jewelry, scrap fabric, and other materials into something beautiful and meaningful. Creativity became another frequency of my voice, one that speaks of resilience.

Through recovery upcycling and creativity, I’m healing while also making the invisible parts of me visible through my art. I’m reclaiming pieces of myself that felt thrown away long ago. Whether it's sketching an eye with a tear, restoring a cracked bracelet with a little wood filler and gold paint, or creating a bowl sculpture out of shell necklaces, I’m expressing what words can’t always reach. Creativity has given me structure, peace, and inspiration. I don’t have to be an artist to become one.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#CreativeRecovery #StrokeSurvivor #ArtAsTherapy #FindingMyVoice #UpcycledArt #HealingThroughArt #RecoveryJourney #EmotionalExpression #MakeSomethingBeautiful #VoiceThroughCreativity