On April 8, 1964, my life changed. I was two months from graduation from college in june, ready for a summer job with Virginia Tech extension, preparing for marriage in august and starting graduate school in September.

While studying between classes, a secretary said i needed to call home. I was told my father had been killed in a sawmill accident on the farm. I drove the 250 miles home, wondering all the way how this could have happened and wondering what the future held. We lived on a 200-acre farm with about one half of it in a managed forest, the other in cropland and pasture. My mother was a typical farm wife and mother to my two younger sisters who were still in high school and an older sister who was a teacher.

There was no receiving of friends in those days except many came by our home and said to let them know if they could do anything. The neighboring farmers came and plowed the fields and planted the corn, soybeans and peanuts. My uncle whose place was next to ours farmed our place that year and rented it years after. I graduated, worked at my summer job and farmed in the evenings. I married in august and started graduate school in September.

For at least two years, I could not get out of my mind what had happened. In particular, I could not understand how God could have allowed or caused this accident to happen when i was facing several major decisions in my life. I had been baptized at age twelve, and been active in church, royal ambassadors and such. However, it seemed all of that had in no way prepared me for the grief and decisions i had to make then and in the future.

I continued graduate school but came home on every opportunity to fix things that were not working at home, mostly plumbing. Yet, I still could not get out of my mind why the accident happened at all and why at that critical time in my life. Should I have stayed at home and farmed? My fiancé had already accepted a teaching job. I am sure some of the neighbors thought I took the easy way out by going to graduate school. At least i did not have to hear it.

I came upon a poem.

That seemed to help me move on, looking more toward the future. Later, in 1996, the man who bought the sawmill said my dad had installed the transmission in backwards which led to the accident. That seemed to answer my question of how it could have happed. It also brought closure. God wastes no opportunity to use our experiences for his glory. That experience has helped me comfort and better relate to those who suffer tragic losses.

Dear God, help us to learn from the past, but focus on the future and how we can be and do more to serve you. Amen.

This devotion was written and read by Emmit Rawls.

Grace for All is a daily devotional podcast produced by the members of the congregation of First United Methodist Church in Maryville, Tennessee. With these devotionals, we want to remind listeners on a daily basis of the love and grace that God extends to all human beings, no matter their location, status, or condition in life.

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