This week, DISASTERPIECE celebrates the 50th anniversary of JAWS by taking a look at its worst sequel, JAWS: THE REVENGE … A movie so crazy and misguided that a shark seeking personal revenge on the Brody family is the least of its problems.

Join Steve and Justin as they navigate a sea of insane decision-making that includes (but is not limited to): a magic shark that can roar, Michael Caine in shorts, telepathy, extremely horny characters, and some of the craziest dialogue the boys have ever had to try to decode. Not to mention one of the most unjustified explosions in film history.

Nothing in this movie makes much sense … except for the dollar signs in the producers' eyes. Luckily, when JAWS: THE REVENGE was released, audiences made it clear that they were “DONE-DONE” with the franchise, and let the descendants of Bruce the shark rest ... for now.

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Justin and Steve are here to podcast and chew bubble gum. And we’re all out of bubble gum…

It’s time for DISASTERPIECE to cover their first-ever video game sequel: DUKE NUKEM FOREVER, the worst entry in a beloved—and wildly offensive—first-person shooter franchise. A game in development for so long that many of the teens who weren’t allowed to play the original had kids by the time it was released.

But even though DUKE NUKEM FOREVER took almost forever to create, don’t worry, kids—it’s still packed with just as much crass humor, toxic masculinity, hyper-violence, misogyny, and good old-fashioned swearing as you remember. And if all of that seemed way too offensive to grown-ups in 2011, don’t worry about that either—because the game was such a stinker, it killed the whole franchise.

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The weather’s getting nicer and the multiplexes are packed with IP, which can only mean one thing… It’s SEQUEL SUMMER!

Justin and Steve are spending the next three months exploring some of the worst #2s of all time—starting with the infamous cult disaster: Highlander II: The Quickening.

“There should have only been ONE!” pretty much sums up how the boys feel about it, especially since they got their hands on the notorious, out-of-print U.S. theatrical cut of this classic disasterpiece.

This version is somehow shorter and much worse than the fully restored cut. It’s a movie so bad, they invented the “Poochie” rule—retconning the main characters’ origin stories to explain that they’ve been aliens the whole time.

Yeah… It’s that bad.

WATCH HIGHLANDER II: THE QUICKENING (Theatrical cut)

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What is DIVX?? It’s a super convenient way to rent movies without rentals or late fees. Simply go to Circuit City, buy a DIVX disc and DIVX DVD player, connect the player to your phone line, call to activate the disc for 48hrs, call back if you want to watch it again for a fee, call back a third time if you want to purchase your movie for an additional fee, or just go all the way back to Circuit City to recycle the disc. IT’S THAT EASY!

Join Justin and Steve as Disasterpiece explores one of the biggest failures in the home media market and a harbinger of doom for the entire film industry.

It’s high art! It’s shlock trash! It’s maybe a money laundering scheme?! It’s AFTER LAST SEASON, a true oddity of a film that manages to simultaneously be the most abstract and literal-minded movie you’ve ever seen. This week Justin and Steve meld their brains to explore the mind of filmmaker Mark Region. Not only is this director surrounded by mystery, but the boys have reason to believe he doesn’t exist at all.

What kind of artist uses one of the most expensive formats to film the worst sets you’ve ever seen? Who spends time writing dialogue as bland as this? The truth is… we might never know. AFTER LAST SEASON is a puzzle inside an enigma, covered in 8x10 loose-leaf paper.

WATCH AFTER LAST SEASON

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Steve & Justin are here in NYC to shed some light on SPIDER-MAN: TURN OFF THE DARK. The multimillion-dollar Broadway musical-Disasterpiece that flopped so hard it should have killed the movie musical adaptation trend before it even started. Unfortunately, all it killed was its producer, even if it didn’t stop trying to end the lives of various cast members.

Can the boys weave their way through this wild web of questionable decision-making? Will anyone ever understand what aging Irish rock stars Bono and The Edge have to say about a teenager from Queens? And most importantly…can a freak like me get some company?

WATCH 'A FREAK LIKE ME' ON LETTERMAN

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We’re wrapping up CATASTANIC by going back out to sea with TITANIC II. It’s not a sequel to 1997’s TITANIC, but the creative minds at The Asylum film company sure want to trick your Nana into thinking it is.

Wave goodbye to Justin and Steve as they board the maiden voyage of a ship that has less of a chance of crossing that ocean than a cruise liner made of concrete. This D-tier action thriller is more POSEIDON ADVENTURE than romantic-tragedy as it tries to raise the stakes of the catastrophe it’s exploiting, with less than 1% of the budget of the movie it’s trying to capitalize on. But even with lame stunts, atrocious CGI, impossible logic, a script held together with chewing gum, and the cultural impact of throwing a pebble into the ocean… It’s still one of the most successful releases under The Asylum name.

WATCH TITANIC II

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It’s TITANIC: THE BOARD GAME: THE DISASTERPIECE EPISODE!! It’s still smooth sailing for us as we continue to celebrate CATASTANIC, a month-long look at the craziest Titanic-inspired disasters. And this week, with the help of Ellen Gutoskey and Paul Ramsdell, Justin and Steve roll the dice on a board game that wants all of the namesake that comes with the Titanic, but none of the tragedy. And it ends up being just as boring and uneventful as a cruise that doesn’t hit an iceberg. It may be totally lacking in gameplay, fun, strategy, and logic, but at least the board is pretty to look at, and the public can now know what it felt like to win the famous Titanic weightlifting competition.

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