In Built Not Born Episode 166 - We DIVE deep with Steve Hordinski, a 4th-degree black belt under Master Carlos "Caique" Elias and owner of the Katharo Training Center in Colorado.

Steve is a veteran US Navy diver and shares wisdom about BJJ principles, grip fighting his teaching methodology and hard lessons learned from training with the legendary founder of Gracie Jiu Jitsu - Helio Gracie.

Whether you're a seasoned practitioner or new to BJJ, Steve's insights on longevity, mental toughness, and the evolution of BJJ will transform your approach to the art.

• 🥋 [00:00] Introduction to Steve Hordinski, 4th-degree black belt under Master Kaiki
• 🌊 [03:12] Steve's Navy diving career - underwater leverage & challenges
• 🧨 [08:45] The World War II bomber recovery mission in Palau
• 💪 [12:20] Life lessons from Navy diving: "Discipline takes you far, mental toughness takes you further"
• 👨‍🏫 [15:40] Training with Helson and transitioning to Master Kaiki
• 🇧🇷 [19:25] Experience training with Helio Gracie in Brazil
• 🔄 [23:50] The old school BJJ survival approach vs. modern leg lock game
• 📊 [26:15] The four major principles Steve lives by in his BJJ
• 🤝 [29:30] The grip fighting game: "Everything bad happens when you don't control hands"
• 🧠 [31:45] Steve's three concepts of grip fighting that changed his game
• 🧘‍♂️ [36:10] Training strategies for longevity and injury prevention
• 👥 [39:45] Choosing the right training partners as you age
• 🏆 [41:20] The one lesson Steve wants everyone to take away: "Develop toughness"
• 🔍 [43:30] Closing thoughts: "Control and efficiency - that's Jiu-Jitsu"

1. Navy Diving Philosophy: Steve's experience as a Navy diver taught him that mental toughness exceeds discipline in importance for long-term success.
2. The Four BJJ Principles: Steve governs his jiu-jitsu by four key principles:

• Leverage over strength (but use strength at the end of the lever)
• Timing over speed
• Natural body movements/flexibility
• Street effectiveness (blocking punches also blocks grips)

1. Grip Fighting System: Steve breaks down his revolutionary approach to grip fighting into three concepts:
2. Training for Longevity: Incorporate Buddha Con movements (jiu-jitsu + yoga), meditation, hot yoga, and targeted strength conditioning to stay on the mats longer.
3. Mental Toughness: The key to longevity in BJJ isn't talent or physical attributes, but developing mental grit and perseverance.

Kathryn Gordon is the co-author of the bestselling book "Relationship GRIT" and wife of best selling author Jon Gordon.

Kathryn discusses her candid journey of nearly 30 years of marriage.

Using remarkable vulnerability, Kathryn reveals the framework that helped her and Jon overcome significant challenges and build a thriving relationship that's stood the test of time.

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• [00:03:15] 👋 Kathryn introduces herself and her journey from behind-the-scenes supporter to author and entrepreneur
• [00:06:40] 💘 The unexpected and persistent way she and John met (and almost didn't meet!)
• [00:11:20] 💔 Early marriage challenges and how they navigated having children while building businesses
• [00:15:30] 🧠 Introduction to the G.R.I.T. framework: God, Resolve, Invest, Together
• [00:18:45] 💯 Why perfect-looking couples often end up divorced
• [00:21:10] ⚖️ Why you shouldn't keep score in your relationship
• [00:24:30] 👏 The transformative power of complimenting your partner
• [00:28:15] 💪 Focusing on strengths instead of weaknesses
• [00:32:40] 🗣️ Why "where there is a void in communication, negativity will fill it"
• [00:35:50] 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The importance of regular family team meetings
• [00:39:20] 🚶‍♀️ Why walking together transforms difficult conversations
• [00:43:15] 🎢 Kathryn's one lesson for listeners: "Relationships are like riding a rollercoaster"

• G - God: Putting faith at the center of your relationship
• R - Resolve: Commitment to work through challenges instead of walking away
• I - Invest: Continuously investing time and energy in your relationship
• T - Together: Making decisions and facing obstacles as a united team

• Don't keep score - relationships have seasons where give and take naturally fluctuate
• Compliment each other regularly - even (especially) when you don't feel like it
• Focus on strengths, not weaknesses - appreciate what your partner excels at
• Communicate expectations clearly - don't expect mind-reading
• Have regular family/couple team meetings
• Walk and talk - side-by-side communication reduces confrontation

In this week's conversation, Joe Ciccarone sits down with Stephen Marche, acclaimed Canadian writer and cultural commentator whose work appears in The New Yorker, The Atlantic, and The New York Times.

Stephen shares insights from his book "On Writing and Failure," discussing the inevitable struggles of the creative process, the realities of rejection, and why perseverance might be the only thing that truly matters.

02:15 - Introduction to Stephen Marche and his diverse writing career 🖋️

04:30 - The power of short-form books and the Voltaire quote about pocket pamphlets 📖

07:10 - "The first job of a writer is to write. The second is to persevere." 💪

09:45 - Herman Melville's tragic story: how Moby Dick sold fewer than 400 copies 📚

12:30 - James Joyce couldn't even get hired to teach English as a second language 😮

15:20 - "Trying to find fulfillment in writing is like trying to learn how to fly by jumping off a cliff" 🧠

17:40 - Anne Frank's diary was rejected 15 times by publishers 📝

19:25 - The gap between intention, action, and consequence in creative work ⏳

22:10 - Why success is temporary and often disconnected from quality of work 🏆

24:30 - Margaret Atwood's story about still feeling insecure despite enormous success 🌟

26:15 - Depression as an occupational hazard in writing careers 😔

28:45 - "The quality of your writing has very little effect on the success of your career, but it's the only thing that matters" 💯

31:20 - Stephen's experience writing for Esquire and the intensive editorial process 🔍

35:10 - Why there's no such thing as required reading 📚

37:40 - Cormac McCarthy didn't sell more than 5,000 copies until he was 60 📖

41:35 - Stephen's writing routine: sleep as a creative superpower 💤

46:20 - The myth of alcohol fueling creativity 🍺

48:50 - Stephen's one lesson for aspiring writers 🎯

50:15 - Current projects and spending a day with Shakespeare 🎭

Stephen Marche is a Canadian writer, cultural commentator, and novelist. His work regularly appears in The New Yorker, The Atlantic, and The New York Times. With a PhD in Shakespeare studies, Marche brings both scholarly depth and journalistic clarity to his writing. His book