Judgment is one of the most hidden—but most powerful—forces keeping recovery stuck. In this episode, we take a deep dive into malignant self-judgment—the toxic inner dialogue that convinces unfaithful partners they are irredeemable, unworthy of love, and incapable of change.

We explore how internalized shame, perceived judgment, and self-condemnation erode emotional safety, block empathy, and shut down intimacy. More importantly, we offer tools to help you reframe, reconnect, and rebuild—starting with how you see yourself.

In this episode:
• The 4 kinds of judgment in recovery (actual, perceived, internal, wise)
• What makes self-judgment “malignant” and how it sabotages repair
• How shame turns into emotional paralysis and relational avoidance
• Why self-condemnation is not humility—it’s self-protection
• How to shift from identity shame to responsible action
• Tools to reality-check judgmental thoughts and reclaim relational leadership

“You are not your worst moment. You are not your shame. You are capable of repair.”

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Download it at: AskTheUnfaithful.com/Downloads

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To Healing,

James and Sam

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: AskTheUnfaithful@gmail.com

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Fear is part of being human—but when you’ve betrayed someone you love, fear can become a wall between you and the emotional honesty your partner needs to heal. In this powerful episode, we explore how emotional inhibition, shame, and fear-based expectations keep unfaithful partners stuck—and what it takes to break through.

You’ll learn how to challenge fear, dissolve shame, and start showing up with truth, vulnerability, and presence. Healing doesn’t require perfection—it requires courage, responsibility, and a willingness to risk connection again.

🔑 In this episode:
• What emotional inhibition is—and how it silently damages recovery
• How fear and shame distort your expectations of pain
• Five truths about fear that every unfaithful partner needs to hear
• Practical tools to act bravely even when fear doesn’t go away
• The shift from blame and paralysis to ownership and empowerment
• How to rebuild emotional safety through honest, consistent actions

💬 “Fear is not the enemy. Avoiding it is.”

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To Healing,

James and Sam

------

Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: AskTheUnfaithful@gmail.com

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

People pleasing can be described as the tendency to prioritize others’ needs over your own, often driven by fear of rejection or a need for validation.

• In marriages or relationships, this can mean:
  Constantly putting family, friends, or co-workers first.
  Leaving the primary partner, aka the betrayed partner, feeling like an afterthought.

Post infidelity, people-pleasing is not only difficult but toxic for the entire recovery process.

It oftentimes feels like yet another betrayal to the betrayed partner.

When an unfaithful partner prioritizes pleasing others outside the primary relationship, the betrayed
partner who doesn't people-please can experience significant emotional and relational harm,
including resentment, distrust, and loss of intimacy, as their needs and boundaries are
consistently disregarded. This not only undermines all efforts at restoration, but continues to leave the betrayed partner confused and lost in the aftermath of not only the initial affair, but the feelings of isolation, despair and insignificance due to the unfaithful refusing to prioritize the betrayed above all others.

The simple truth is, it doesn't need to be this way.

We hope today not only validates the betrayed but gives words to feelings possibly never expressed.
For you the unfaithful, listen carefully as we talk through how your actions can make things worse, not better. And.....know that there is a better way.

To Healing,

James and Sam

------

Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: AskTheUnfaithful@gmail.com

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery