So, You Wanna Get Naked, Huh?

Alright, alright, simmer down now, put your pants in a drawer and let’s talk about this. Welcome to Get Naked: Enough Said!—the only book that will make you laugh, cringe, and possibly chafe, all while exploring the weirdly wonderful world of being as God made you: butt-naked and possibly slightly sunburnt.

Now before you start clutching your pearls or Googling “Is it illegal to read a nudist book in pants?” let me just say—I didn’t always live this way. Nope. I was once just like you. Wearing pants. Sweating in bras. Adjusting wedgies in public restrooms and pretending that was the life I chose. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

It all started one summer when I got heat rash in places I didn’t know had sweat glands. I was house-sitting for a couple who apparently lived their entire lives without clothing—Jackson and Georgina, sweet couple, big on essential oils and coconut water enemas. They left me their keys and a laminated checklist that said “Please water the plants, feed the cat, and try being naked at least once. Seriously. It’ll change your life.”

And let me tell you, those weren’t just empty words from a couple who owns a Himalayan salt lamp shaped like a womb.

The First Time I Got Naked (On Purpose)

I was by the pool, nobody around, sun shining, margarita in hand, already halfway to a good decision. I thought, “What’s the worst that could happen?” And then my bathing suit bottom got caught on a lounge chair slat and basically flossed me like a turkey leg at the Renaissance fair. So I just ripped it off and sat there in the breeze like a damn goddess.

Y’all. That breeze hit parts of me that had never been breezed before. I felt like a popsicle unwrapped for the very first time. A little sticky. A little exposed. But undeniably free.

So What’s This Book, Then?

This is your naked Bible. Except there’s no judgment, no commandments (unless you count “Thou shalt not sit bare-butted on my suede ottoman”), and I cuss a little more. You’re going to learn everything from how to start your nudie journey without looking like a pervert, to handling unexpected visitors while you’re oiling your thighs in the living room. We’ll talk about nude etiquette, the politics of pubes, farting in hot tubs, tan lines in weird places, and how to walk confidently while everything’s swinging in the breeze.

You’ll also hear about my many, many boyfriends (some great, some barely worth the effort of shaving), my best friend Tanya who once yelled at me for mispronouncing “labia,” and my neighbor Susan who once flashed a UPS guy just to “test the vibe.”

But Is This Book For Me?

Yes. If you’ve ever stood in a dressing room under fluorescent lighting and thought, “This thong looks like it’s judging me,” this book is for you.
If you’ve ever wanted to garden topless but were worried about bees, this book is for you.
If you’ve ever had a bra strap slice into your shoulder so hard you felt your soul leave your body, honey, this book is for you.

So grab a drink. Lock the door. Maybe untie that drawstring.

Let’s get naked, y’all. Enough said.