🎙️ Crumb Confessional — Episode 48a

Title: I'm trying to prove myself worthy of the blessing

Description:

It's early morning on June 29, 2025, and I'm driving out to get coffee for my wife while staying at my in-laws’ place. Later today, we’re heading to a big family party, but my mind is still tangled in yesterday’s wrestling. I recorded one of my most vulnerable episodes—processing idols, ego, prosperity, and the real motives behind my obedience. This episode is a reflection and continuation of that—raw, unfiltered, and as honest as I know how to be. I end with a prayer to mark the moment and surrender the outcome.

I talk about:

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• My desire to live for Jesus vs. my ego-driven hunger to be materially blessed
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• The danger of making spiritual pursuit itself an idol
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• My internal battle with prosperity theology and provision
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• Why rest is hard for me, and how burnout affects my family
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• The need to embody truth, not just talk about it
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• Wanting to be trusted by God with wealth to glorify Him
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• Trusting God’s pace, even when I don’t understand His plan
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💡 Highlights & Timestamps:

00:00 – Morning coffee run, big family day ahead

01:30 – Reflection on yesterday’s vulnerable confession

03:00 – Wrestling with whether Jesus is truly my reward

06:45 – The fine line between obedience and idolatry

12:30 – My ego wants to prove God’s goodness through success

19:00 – The craving for rest and how burnout affects my love

26:10 – A prayer of surrender over calling, provision, and legacy

📖 Scriptures Referenced:

Matthew 11:28–30 – “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 6:33 – “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness…”

Ephesians 3:20 – “Exceedingly abundantly more than all we ask or imagine.”

2 Corinthians 5:7 – “We walk by faith, not by sight.”

🧠 Core Takeaway:

God has proven He’s faithful—now I’m learning how to be faithful, too, without needing to prove anything to anyone but Him.

🙏 Closing Line:

Crumb Confessional #48a — I'm doing this as best as I possibly can, all for you, because you have blessed me beyond my wildest imagination.