Strategic Procrastination and Stealthwork Model (SPASM): Practitioner Course Handbook

Master the Art of Workplace Survival While Doing the Bare Minimum

Are you tired of watching others get ahead while you drown in actual work? Do you suspect that the most “productive” people in your office are simply better at looking busy than actually working? Welcome to the Strategic Procrastination and Stealthwork Model (SPASM): Practitioner Course Handbook—your definitive guide to mastering effort minimization, perception management, and career optimization.

This practitioner-level handbook provides the foundations of SPASM and offers deeper insights and advanced tactics for navigating corporate environments with maximum efficiency and minimal effort.

✔ Master Strategic Procrastination Models (SPM)—ensuring tasks either disappear, become someone else’s problem, or get done in a last-minute burst of optimized chaos.
✔ Deploy Stealthwork Techniques—including Semi-Techular Drivechain Syntax (STDS) to confuse and impress colleagues with jargon while saying absolutely nothing of substance.
✔ Reinforce the Virtual Competence Union (VCU)—building alliances that block competence threats and protect your position.
✔ Harness the Power of Condeception—a strategic mix of confidence, condescension, and deception to ensure no one questions your expertise.
✔ Optimize Your DELULU Index—the ultimate measure of SPASM mastery, quantifying how effectively you maintain an illusion of productivity while doing as little as possible.

Whether you’re a seasoned SPASM practitioner looking to refine your techniques or an aspiring professional seeking to break free from the cycle of endless work, this handbook provides the ultimate roadmap for getting ahead while working less.

🔹 WARNING: This book is for those who understand that success isn’t about working harder—it’s about working smarter. If used correctly, these tactics may lead to promotions, workplace admiration, and an absurdly easy professional life. Proceed with caution.