I Want a Lawyer! is a blunt, uncompromising survival manual for anyone who might ever deal with law enforcement—which is to say, everyone. Written in a sharp, sardonic tone and grounded in real-world experience, this book dismantles every romanticized myth about police encounters and replaces it with one golden rule: shut up and lawyer up.

From traffic stops to full-blown interrogations, from surprise visits to your home to coercive “friendly chats” at the station, this book guides you through the tactics police use to get you talking—and how to keep your mouth shut. It explains why your innocence doesn’t protect you, why “cooperating” is often the worst thing you can do, and how every word you say becomes a tool to charge you or someone you know.

You’ll learn the critical differences between being detained and being arrested, how to assert your rights without escalating, and why the phrase “if you’ve got nothing to hide” is the dumbest thing you can believe. It also covers what to do if you’re pulled over while sober—or not—how to keep police out of your home, and why silence isn’t passive, it’s tactical.

No fluff, no legal jargon, and no apologies. Just hard facts, practical strategies, and a healthy distrust of authority. If you want to survive an encounter with law enforcement without ending up in cuffs or court, I Want a Lawyer! is your essential field guide.