Jay

A good summary but has questionable parts

Revisado: 02-05-24

This book does a good job simplifying values aims and techniques of parenting but occasionally has questionable viewpoints.

For example, it still encouraged the use of time-outs even though “Parenting experts have criticized the timeout technique in recent years, saying that it might neglect a child's emotional needs. Most experts agree that punishment is harmful to a child's emotional development and that isolation — the defining quality of the timeout technique — is a form of punishment.”

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Lack of accountability; Spoke in Extremes; Questionable advice

Revisado: 01-11-24

Lack of Accountability:
A lot of children with BPD also have parents with BPD. I know the authors probably don’t want parents to feel attacked and stop reading the book and yet there does need to be some compromise between acting as if the listener is 1. a mostly healthy functioning loving but burned out parent and 2. an abusive or neglectful parent that caused the BPD. The closest they got was saying that it’s understandable to feel guilty about past neglect or abuse you did but should stop feeling guilty since (they assume) it was years ago. They talked about the importance of accountability but didn’t seem to actually encourage reflection that would lead to readers taking accountability for actions or roles in the family system.

Spoke in Extremes:
I also think the book is written in extremes and lacks important moderating words. For example, the book said “your child will test boundaries after you set them;” instead this could have been written “your child may test boundaries” or “many children with BPD end up testing boundaries.” I found it ironic that a book about BPD failed to use dialectics and opted for extreme and all or nothing language in how itself was written.

Questionable Advice:
Also I think some of the advice is bad. If a child is very disregulated, they may benefit from co-regulating with a parent as opposed to (as the book recommended) the parent just leaving until the child is more calm (and no they didn’t just recommend this when the child was a danger to the parent).

However, the book examples and anecdotes were very helpful. I am currently listening to “Understanding the Borderline Mother” and it is similarly helpful in explaining symptomology but more frequently explains possible causes for behavior and speaks in more dialectical ways. This book however does not contain direct advice for interacting with a “problematic child” (as the present book does-and yes this is me commenting on how the present book frames kids with BPD). However, I am learning much more from “Understanding the Borderline Mother” and do not feel as though any advice or teachings would encourage questionable (all or nothing) explained advice.

Also I absolutely understand and do not disagree with much of the advice in the present book (Stop walking on egg…) but found the other advice potentially damaging (again, just leaving a kiddo in extreme distress) or potentially encouraging Quiet/Discouraged BPD type behavior in the parent themself.

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Fantastic

Revisado: 02-25-21

This was such a well written piece. It was extremely insightful and helped me with understanding myself. As a Mexican American, my identity crisis is very present. This was just wonderful

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Inclusive

Revisado: 02-25-21

This book was so open to different perspectives. I loved how it didn’t assume the religion or culture of the reader.

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Stressed me out

Revisado: 08-17-20

The affirmations included were good, but they only lasted for 10 minutes and were spoken in a very fast stressful manner. The rest of the book included ocean waves, white noise etc. which could easily be found on youtube, Spotify, or downloaded on your device. I returned this audible "book."

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Very Dated

Revisado: 11-16-19

This book was very dated. There were parts that were offensive. For an outsider who is not within the LGBT+ community, it may be a tentatively alright introduction to trans topics. However, certain assumptions and perspectives were assumed that is not appreciated. This book was written in 2012 and times have certainly changed since then.

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esto le resultó útil a 6 personas

Very Dated

Revisado: 11-16-19

This book was very dated. There were parts that were offensive. For an outsider who is not within the LGBT+ community, it may be a tentatively alright introduction to trans topics. However, certain assumptions and perspectives were assumed that is not appreciated. This book was written in 2012 and times have certainly changed since then.

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esto le resultó útil a 6 personas