Sarah

Gay romance, dark, slow, sexual trauma

Revisado: 01-24-24

So the concept behind this book is interesting and magical and had potential, but ultimately the book was a bleak reflection of society enabling and reinforcing men in power's ability to use and abuse women and anyone with less power. A magical calling/gift meant to be used to help others heal emotional wounds by sealing painful memories away in a book, in the hands of greedy men without morals, becomes a tool to control and abuse others, as well as a way to escape guilt caused by their own wrong-doings. The book is really dark and slow-moving. Then suddenly, it interjects a love story between 2 men who are taught to believe that their attraction to men is a sign of mental illness or depravity. It's a story of a boy shunned by his family because he had sex with his male lover, and another boy fearful of becoming his abusive sociopath of a father who teaches him to embrace power (his father views his sexuality as evidence that his son is just as F-d up as he is). The whole 2nd half of the book focuses on attempting to overcome the various forces that keep these lovers apart from each other. The story is pretty good, but I just wish the description had been more honest about the actual story. Sell it as a love story because it is a love story.

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Shallow Characters, Predictable Plot

Revisado: 01-08-24

Cavoite: I'm a mental health therapist and cannot turn my psychoanalysis off. I only bought this book because I loved her Empyrean series and was hoping her other books were similar. My intent of this review is NOT to dis the author because her latest work is MUCH improved.

This book feels like the author trying work through her own abandonment trauma, likely related to her father or male figures in her life. She likely craves being taken care of by a strong, tall, tattooed man who puts her needs before his own in every situation, who follows her around professing his love despite her ongoing rejection and insecurities.
In both this book and the aforementioned series, the romantic interests are nearly identical. They are dark and mysterious, experienced with women but have never loved anyone before the main character. She is special and makes him lose control. He instantly falls madly in love with her (for no apparent reason) and then pleasures her without allowing himself to partake as a way of showing restraint and love (red flag for sexual trauma history as this is an unreasonable expectation to demonstrate that he cares for her more than her body). He is codependently in love with her, losing much of himself in her and being willing to tolerate her emotional lability and abuse. He is her rescuer and empowers her to be a strong independent woman (no one else can empower us to be independent and strong by caretaking - check out Mindful Self-Compassion to learn how to care for your own emotional needs). The main character spends a lot of energy ignoring her feelings for this man, leading him on and being mean, and yet he seems to have no self-respect and continues going after her. This book portrays extremely unhealthy relationship expectations and a need for others to heal and contain the main character's emotions. Another similarity between this book and her Empyrean series is that the fathers are dead and the mothers are strong, but a bit absent. All of these patterns lead me to believe that the author uses writing as a form of healing - which I am not criticizing, but it doesn't make for compelling reading. It also bothers me that such unhealthy and codependent "love" is portrayed as something to be sought after and desired. It teaches women that a man is what they need to heal their emotional wounds, which sets them up to feel resentful in relationships and blame the man for their feelings.

My treatment recommendation for the author is to attend therapy to gain insight into the way her desires/expectations in relationships likely set her up to be dissatisfied and how her childhood experiences contributed to these unhealthy schemas. You are a great author as evidenced by your Empyrean series, though the men you seem to desire do not exist, and if they did, the relationships would be extremely unhealthy and codependent.

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The power of sunshine and nature

Revisado: 07-23-21

I sort of already knew, somewhere deep inside, that nature and sunshine were extremely healing. I've always been drawn to camping, but I never realized why it felt so good. This book shares examples and stories to illustrate the point that our brains need a lot of lumens (measurement of light) from the sun to feel good, motivated, energized, and happy. We spend so much time indoors (myself included), and that alone might be a huge cause for the prolific nature of mental health disorders (though I acknowledge it's definitely not the only variable). I can say that reading this book lead to some practical changes in my life; when I'm feeling down I try to go outside and stand in the sunshine for several minutes (or switch on my sunshine lamp if that's not a possibility). I also recommend reading The Circadian Code, which talks about the impact of sunshine on our sleep cycle, mental well being, and so much more.

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A Diamond in the Rough

Revisado: 07-23-21

Let me start by saying that I'm a mental health therapist, and they don't teach you this stuff in school. The author is an expert on the topic, having spent his entire life researching it. I love his personal story and the many examples he shares to illustrate points. I had no idea how much there was to our circadian rhythm - so much more than just sleep. I've gained insight about why I've not been feeling rested and what practical steps I can take to not only sleep better, but lose weight, just by aligning my eating habits with my circadian rhythm. He shares lots of examples and gives advice for people struggling with various sleep disorders. I highly recommend this book to everyone who asks me for advice on "good books to read". It's truly a diamond in the rough and I'm forever grateful to the person who recommended it to me.

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Research-Based Practical & Helpful Advice

Revisado: 07-23-21

I would say that this book isn't a magic bullet to cure your depression, but I still recommend it's teachings to all my clients (I'm a mental health therapist). I love that the data presented in the book is 1. based on research, 2. easy to understand, 3. doable for everyone, and 4. held my attention (I have ADHD and can't handle really dry books). I think that applying the life-changes in this book (even if you have to do it slowly, over time), plus getting some counseling if you're dealing with deeper issues like trauma or self-hate, can be a great combination to overcome depression. If you're a DYI with self-help books sort of person, then also check out The Happiness Trap and look into learning DBT skills (but seriously if you have trauma, a trauma therapist is necessary). I also recommend the Circadian Code, which teaches you the importance of aligning your eating/sleeping habits with natural rhythms of your own body (which helps the advice about eating and sleeping in this book have a greater effect on your mood). If you're interested, another book that supports the importance of getting sunshine is called The 3-Day Effect.

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Great advice for kids with ASD

Revisado: 07-23-21

My son was a huge handful and no matter what I did, no matter how many parenting books I read, nothing ever helped. While this book didn't give me the magic bullet, it did help me shift my way of thinking about being a parent. I didn't have to control his behavior (because that was downright impossible), but I needed to teach him how to be a more effective human being. My job as a parent was to teach him how to understand why he was experiencing interpersonal problems, how to consider others' points of view and needs, and teach him how to problem-solve and compromise. My son is no longer alive, but when he was, I would say that this book (and Love and Logic) was the most helpful parenting book I read.

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Highly Effective & Practical Advice

Revisado: 07-23-21

This book was really helpful. I loved that it wasn't filled with unnecessary fluff, but got right to point and gave practical advice with lots of examples. It has helped me in my professional life greatly (I am a mental health clinician and specialize in trauma). The author seems well informed, very experienced, and has a deep compassion for people who struggle with fragmented selves. I learned tips to help me treat people with DID and basically, anyone with PTSD who struggles with some level of fragmentation of themselves.

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Best Habits Book Around

Revisado: 07-23-21

I'm a clinical therapist. I read A LOT of psychology and self-help books, and this is by far the most practically helpful book about building effective habits. If after reading it, you're still struggling, it would be useful to read The Happiness Trap to gain insight about how your thoughts/beliefs might be getting in the way of your motivation (or work with a therapist who does ACT or even DBT). Anyway, this book does a great job of laying out the basics you need to know about setting up and maintaining habits, but sometimes we can psych ourselves out of good habits due to unhealthy beliefs like, "I can't do anything right," or, "I always end up failing." That's why I recommend further reading to help overcome barriers to going for your goals.

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Rambling Pointlessness

Revisado: 10-22-19

I'm a mental health therapist who's been in a relationship with a narcissist, but I couldn't even finish this book. The writer projects onto the reader the image of being the perfect, selfless empath, trapped in the web of a narcissist, a blameless and angelic victim of fate. She talks about karma, energies, and ancestral trauma that lives in our cells. She rambles around the points she's trying to make, as if she was just trying to find enough words to fill a book. and the reading is atrocious; several times the reader starts to say something, pauses, and then continues reading from the beginning of the sentence again, repeating what she just said so she made an error and didn't want to re-record over it. This book is a joke.

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What the Heck?

Revisado: 10-14-19

I didn't really view this as a story, more like a therapy session with a trauma client. What is the point of this book? The set-up was odd, someone reading a script and they kept jumping out of character to be shocked at what they read, which detracted from the work I thought. I stopped with 20min left because I kept thinking how stupid this"book" was and realized I didn't have to finish it.

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esto le resultó útil a 5 personas