Peyton

Needs a harem tag or similar warning

Revisado: 06-23-24

**Disclaimer** I made it only 6 hours in (our of 20 total). Also, this review contains spoilers up to that point.

Super interesting world-building but this story is pure wish fulfillment. The MC is stupidly OP and comes from a rich family whose parents love him. That was really interesting to me at first because - heck yeah! — an emotionally healthy MC for once! Also MC made it clear that those two facts have made it difficult for him to make friends in the past. His powers made it especially difficult to know whether someone would turn on him or use him. I thought, “Okay, so that’s going to make the B-plot about him trying to navigate between the snakes and the true friends! How interesting!” But nope. Everyone loves him, especially the girls. Good guys are good, bad guys are 2D paper maché characters.

Here are my issues with his interactions/ relationships: He makes friends with a future-telling girl right away and doesn’t question it. Did she see the future and aim to make friends with him? Who knows because he certainly doesn’t ask. Weird because he mentioned needing to keep an eye out for it before. He also meets a girl in an elevator on the first day, then makes a note about not trusting her. Then he meets her again later that same day, tells her everything about his new powers and makes a crazy-expensive item for her. Of course she throws herself at him in thanks. His mentor is also a woman who had flirted heavily with him upon first meeting him. At the 7ish hour mark it is clear he is building a hero team. What made me stop was that the next member of their team was also slotted to be a girl in dire straights. Every single one of those girls is lesser or made lesser to him in some way. Future-telling girl is non-combat. Shield girl needed that item to get higher in the ranks. Mentor screwed up their first interaction by embarrassing him and had to go apologize to him. And then this new girl needs his help because she’s “tortured”. The only two guy classmates he’s interacted with have been a super low rank guy that guy pummeled in the first round of combat trials and never mentioned again and a bully who punched the MC.

At some point don’t you have to question why the MC is surrounded only by girls??

Good for what it is, I suppose, which is male fantasy wish fulfillment. It’s not bad as far as that goes — MC is motivated to do good for the world and it a fairly likable (if boring and naive) — but it’s not what I signed up for. Needs a harem tag or similar warning.

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There is such thing as too much power fantasy

Revisado: 06-21-24

**Contains Spoilers**
I love power fantasies but man. This one is too much — verging on masterbatory. Formula goes: Alexa does a thing, someone is probably filming, then everyone reacts to that thing in at least 1-3 different scenes. That would be fine (god knows I normally love that), but those reactions often don’t provide any meaningful information or kick off any meaningful plot thread. It’s just: “wow she’s so amazing and badass”. Then it’s onto the next thing she does. If you’ve ever heard of the concept of “and then” vs. “cause and effect” storytelling, this story definitely falls into the former camp.

The writing also kind of needs some editing. It is sometimes repetitive, down to using the same word twice across the same two sentences. Ex: “She looked across the area, then walked across the area to the crime scene.” Or “Laughter. Beaufort started laughing.” The narrator often has to work REALLY hard to not make a lot of them sound as awkward as they are.

Also also, the worldbuilding and detail are pretty messy and inconsistent. Some stuff that irritated me:
>> The world is in a semi-DnD setting with dungeons, mimicks, and dragons. But also apparently superheroes? And also has a levelling system? But also has references to Sinatra and has other modern things like smartphones and livestreaming? But also apparently has a long history of wars between orcs and elves? All of it is barely described or explained. Instead we get a description of Alexa’s consultation dating service like 10 million times.
>> An investigator mentions that the suspect for their crime (Alexa) is 6’2” (which, how tf would he know that??) then when another investigator goes to talk to her, mentions that she doesn’t meet the height expectation. Then later in the book when she is being walked out of the school in handcuffs, it is mentioned that Alexa is 6’2” and that ridiculous height is never mentioned in an of her interactions.
>> Author mentions that parents are not allowed to provide funds or crystal to their kids. How on gods name is that even remotely enforcable? No explanation. Then author mentions that rich kids can “find” awakening crystals like how Luke did but somehow her and her brother are the only two Sophomores?? What.
>> Teachers named Mr. Mackey and Miss Tutelage? lol seriously?

There are some glimmers of good in the concepts and writing but this story needs some serious work. I only listened as far as I did because the narrator is excellent and my personal obsession for power fantasies.

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Best narration I’ve ever heard

Revisado: 04-20-24

Best narration I’ve ever heard. No hyperbole. The character and personality of the different voices from both narrators is incredible. The sounds engineering for the growls in book 3 were pretty awesome too. I think anyone who has read this series via kindle or Royal Road needs to listen to it here as well — the narrator interpretations of the lines and internal monolog are much better than I would have read them! 10/10 wow.

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Great story, not progression fantasy, not an epic

Revisado: 04-04-24

Amazing story, incredible and consistent writing — memorable characters who are easy to get attached to. I got emotional several times during the book and was truly impressed by the character growth throughout. And the narrator is top-notch! …But the marketing for this book is god-awful.

The Demon Lord form on the cover is only in chapter 1 and is not the Demon Lord form that the MC takes for the remainder of the book. Also, the book is not a progression fantasy. The MC has “skills” but they honestly don’t feel like they fit in this setting and the MC is already at the top of his power level so there’s nowhere to progress to. Also also, the book is not an epic as the book is no longer than 9 hours and appears to be a one-and-done as far as I can tell. There is nothing wrong with one-and-done books. Honestly I welcome them in a market saturated with so many super long series. I just wish the marketing of the book had been more honest.

All in all, worth the credit and 5 stars minus a star for lying to me.

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Ella Lynch is a freaking incredible narrator

Revisado: 03-18-24

I love this series. I read the first two books on Kindle a year or so ago and when I saw that there were four books on Audible I was very excited. Audiobooks are so lovely for multitasking! And these books are especially good for gardening and cooking — It’s lovely to imagine myself a badass, undead witch with her people mulch as I am weeding my tulips.

Most importantly, though, the narrator of these books is the best narrator I have ever heard. I have never been so enthralled by someone’s voice or performance and I have a listened to a LOT of audiobooks. She reads lines MUCH better than how I did in my head and often gets a laugh out of me where I wouldn’t have with text alone by the way she delivers sass or emphasizes Maud’s thoughts. (Although, to be fair to the author — the text is very funny to start with!) I also love how she lingers on the author’s lovely descriptions, as rightly deserved. In general, Ella clearly thinks out the way she will deliver the story and it definitely shows. So well done! I want to hear her on more of my books in the future.

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Adding to the pile - EDIT PLEASE!

Revisado: 12-31-23

Great story, lots of laughs, and a great performance but please edit this thing. It took me weeks to get through it because of how irritating the repeated dialog was.

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Garbage Ending

Revisado: 12-27-23

I got a good couple of laughs out of this book but jeez. I haven’t read an ending this bad in a very long time. Honestly it would have been better if all of the characters had died instead. The ending completely invalidates everything that happened in the book, and worse, it is lazy writing. It feels like the author wrote himself into a corner and then when he couldn’t figure out a good ending decided to throw his hands up and go with a similar approach to “it was all a dream”. It’s so frustrating given how good the book is until that point.

Also, the whole “supervillain” thing feels shoehorned in as an afterthought to better market the book. You could rip out all of those aspects (while still keeping the cat and dolphin stuff because yeah, intelligence agencies have been known for investigating avenues like that irl) and the book would be either exactly the same or better for it… Which sucks because that is why I bought the book.

**Spoilers**

The ending is essentially “everything was planned from the beginning”. The premise of the MC’s uncle having left him everything is a lie. He didn’t leave him anything — the MC is being used. It’s just all part of a big plot to bring down a group of corrupt billionaires for which, as it turns out, his uncle has no more reason to do than just that his friend wanted him to. Throughout the book, the author sets up these compelling motivations and events only to tear them down a replace them with objectively shittier things. The berry spoons weren’t some secret method of telling the future, it was just the uncle being a dick. The mother wasn’t killed by the cabal, it was just a random death and the uncle said something dickish at the funeral. The uncle isn’t remorseful and doesn’t love or care about family — he is just some asshole that sets the MC up to being used like a dirty dishrag and, possibly killed, but most certainly tossed out to live in Serbia with a tracker in his neck for the rest of his life. It never mattered what the MC did or chose, he was always going to get pulled in and used. The only thing that saves the MC is his cat. And the MC’s reaction to all this? Nothing. Except to mourn that he doesn’t get his cat back. I mean, come on! They made him believe that his mom was murdered! And then afterward we are supposed to feel pity for the uncle with that crap apology note?

All in all, MC begins as a sad, broke boy and ends as a sad, broke boy whose cat gives him money. No character growth or agency for him. It’s pathetic both writing-wise and story-wise and ruined a chance to show us something more fun and meaningful. Total bummer.

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Wish there was a “YA” or “Adult” tag on Audible

Revisado: 08-16-23

It wasn’t a bad book. But I, a 30 year old female, am definitely not it’s intended audience. This is definitely meant for a teenage boy demographic. MC was rebellious against his father and everything lol.

WARNING: Spoilers

The Positives

> Worldbuilding. It’s what drew me to the book to begin with. I want to see more of this world and how it works. What an interesting mix of fantasy and dystopian cyberpunk future… and all of it super internally consistent too!

> Pacing. There was a good mix of fighting and talking. Actually, I would have put up with a lot more talking for the sake of character building (I’ll get to that soon), but for people who like action, this is a good book for you.


The Negatives

> The MC. This is the biggest thing for me. I just couldn’t respect him. He’s a terrible leader, and a crappier teacher. (I literally yelled out loud “oh come ON! that’s so dumb” to one particular scene in the classroom… he was like an attention-seeking child in those scenes.) MC is a genetically-engineered baby of one of richest people in the galaxy who, thankfully, uses the privileges he has to benefit the galaxy. With an interesting background like that you would think he’d be a bit quirky. But he’s super f-ing generic. Like, there was a moment when he was talking to another character to get him to be on crew and I was like “Yes! Negotiation! He grew up as a high-powered businessman’s son. He’ll be so good at this and prove his worth as the Face of the group.” Nope. He used his knowledge from another life to convince him. It was narratively relevant moment but it was a moment the author could have used to show us a new facet of the MC and he just didn’t. MC has an over-reliance on his tools and uses only 2 of the 6 disciplines he has supposedly mastered with mere brute force and no finesse. Even if he wasn’t a planner by personality, then surely by experience?? I struggled to believe that the MC is a war veteran or anyone remotely experienced with combat. It is mentioned that he had never lived to an old age in any of his other lives, but shouldn’t it give him something besides power? I dunno I guess it just comes back to respect. Throughout the entire book, he was constantly reacting, never planning, anticipating or showing any cleverness.

> The Cast. Everyone besides the MC the defined by their power-set, a single motivation, and nothing more. Watching the Horizon gather members felt kinda like watching her gather members of the Power Rangers.

> A personal pet peeve: There were some lines where the author clearly decided on a concept mid-stream-of-consciousness. Example: “I turned around and met the Bishop face-to-face. I mean literally! He was a giant face.” That’s fine, especially if a writer stays internally consistent throughout the book, but awkward lines like that should stay in the first draft.

Overall, I don’t think it’s worth the credit unless you’re a teen or like power fantasies you can turn your brain off for.

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Worth the credit

Revisado: 07-30-23

Awesome character development, thorough world building, consistent pacing. Descriptive writing and clever dialog. 100% worth the credit. Can’t wait to see where this goes.

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Great beginning, weak end

Revisado: 07-26-23

SPOILER WARNING on this review.




Firstly, I LOVE the concept and initial execution of that concept. A father is summoned to another world and is immediately killed and turned into a vampire. Protagonist bullshit occurs and makes him an “ancient vampire” right away. Love it. He wakes up to this fact and that his son has been summoned to the same world along with his wife and daughter. The first few chapters with the MC and his son’s interactions were my favorite part of this book. He’s lost his emotions and cares about nothing but his family ties and the author does a great job describing that. The ongoing “Language!” thing was hilarious. I laughed out loud at that multiple times.

Then more protagonist bullshit occurs and MC knows everything about everything and can master anything right away. Personally I hated this. It kinda kills the reason that Isekai is such a great literary tool. Firstly, transmigration gives you a story device that allows you to explain the world to the reader in a more natural way. MC knowing everything throws this out the window. But fine, MC’s supposed to be a super-strong father figure and him knowing less than his son wouldn’t look great so I understand. Secondly, no leveling. No struggle. Just zero to mastery right away. Boring.

Once his son leaves though, the story starts downhill into quest crunch and terrible pacing. Sometimes the author spends WAY too long describing the details of an armor set and other concepts that we will never see again and then sometimes he’s like “7 months later” (with no foreshadowing!) and then expo dumps everything that happened. Also, I am a huge fan of power fantasy but there needs to be some more attention to world-building and character development. Give me more one-on-one human interaction. I get that he’s near-emotionless so you can’t go about it in the typical way but people are still important to the MC as resources. I think there was a missed opportunity to explore that. Maybe the author is wary of leaning into how inhuman the MC has become for fear of making him unlikable? That’s the draw of a vampire though. In any case, the MC’s personality is terribly boring as a result — his personality consists of bad references and “will this make the world safer for my son?” What did he do for a living? No idea. Did he have parents, friends? Does he miss them too? No idea. What was his life like before his kids and wife? No idea. Also, valuing a single end over any means is very often the *definition* of how evil happens yet MC never comes comes close to crossing any moral lines because of plot magic. Kinda frustrating. Speaking of plot magic, would love to see some actual negative consequences for the MC’s rash actions occasionally. Him being right about everything all the time and us knowing he will succeed removes almost all stakes and interest.

All in all, like the title says, awesome beginning, crap at the end. Balances out to a 3, I guess. As it is, I definitely won’t go for the second book but I’m interested enough that I’ll probably visit the author’s Patreon in a year or two to skim though and see how the story turned out.

EDIT: So apparently I am a sucker for power fantasies now. I came back to the author’s Patreon a couple months later and found myself really loving the story again. Enough that I re-listened to this whole first book again. It helped that a future chapter said the MC used to be a lawyer which totally explains why this MC is willing and able to read so much during the events of this book. While my previous critique still stands, I think my personal rating definitely needed to be changed. So there we go: 5 stars.

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