Ivan J. Imes

Good Bones, But Flawed: Some Considerations

Revisado: 12-16-22

Tl;Dr: Use the core mechanisms and the cards. Don't hold too fast to the rules, including the ones that the author emphasizes. Your Unicorn Space is for YOU! The system is best used as a bandage to provide room to resolve underlying issues.

I will have to admit, that I was very ride-or-die in the beginning of this book, but my passions cooled as I continued reading and realized that I would have to be more analytical of the text than absorptive. At it's core, Fair Play seems like a system with "Good Bones" in that the concepts that Eve sets forth seem to be effective for the problem that she and we are trying to solve, but it would seem that a lot of her tangential thoughts and prescriptive statements in the periphery of the core tenants are flawed. This would not have bothered me so much if it were not for her extreme insistence on a few of them that most readers are sure to adopt due to the magnitude of her instruction. I feel as though some rules and some ideas in Fair Play sort of miss the point and even end up betraying the reader as they try to implement the system, thankfully though, these are pitfalls easily avoided.

Ultimately, I believe the system can address by-and-large many relationship issues related to division of labor, but I feel that it fails to solve the underlying problems that lead to disparity in division of labor. That being said, if adhered to consistently, it can effectively cover up those underlying issues, but they will still be there somewhere; lurking and waiting to strike. Perhaps the relief found by using this system can be used to fix those issues, but absolutely no acknowledgement is made of them or any next-steps in this book whatsoever. More on that later.

Performance: Eve seems like an awesome person and the performance was excellent. Self-Narration for a book as personal as this is useful to the reader in many ways, the ability to hear the emotional inflections in her voice at certain points in the book was both edifying and useful in understanding her perspective. I greatly appreciate her for doing the narration. No troubles there. Five Stars!

The rest:

First of all, the context. This book seems markedly directed at the Woman of a given relationship, which makes sense given historic gender roles and their sordid and pointed exploitation of women for free and invisible labor. It is not recommended that a Woman in an exploitative (I say this in the empirical sense, not the abusive sense) relationship read this to her Partner or have her Partner read this unless she is certain that his temperament can handle the criticism. It is entirely possible that a Man reading this book will seek to subvert the new system in recompense for the injuries his ego will inevitably endure whilst reading this book. That being said, if her Partner has good humor and a good temperament, he can benefit greatly from reading this book, as I did. That being said, not all relationships conform to traditional gender roles. In cases such as these, a lot of the author's words are lost or harder to appreciate. Though I think there is great value in the fact that they are said the way they are, this still bears mentioning. If you are a person not in the target audience, so to speak, there are still some gems in here for you, so don't dismiss the book out of hand.

The Cards: Overall, the cards system is very cool. It gives physicality to something in one's relationship that might otherwise be distorted, obscured, or hidden. So much emotional and physical labor is done in obscurity that there are some very real issues with equity in modern relationships that very frequently shake out along gender lines. The cards are an easy way for a couple to demonstrate to one another the significance and value of otherwise unknowable work to one party or the other. And, frankly, they are also useful to identify tasks and chores that the two of you may be neglecting entirely or addressing inconsistently. A solid mechanism!

The Four Rules:
All Time Is Created Equal - YES
Reclaim Your Right To Be Interesting - Good, but the author cites some of the motivations as being what I would consider misplaced. Specifically, she notes that one should keep themselves interesting for the benefit of their partner IE, a husband may become bored with and subsequently divorce a "boring" wife that does all the housework but stopped dancing or singing or making pottery or whatever. This is intrinsically a poor motivator. Reclaim your right to be interesting for your own benefit and nothing else. If a spouse would leave you for being boring, the problem is with them and you should leave them instead. Becoming interesting to avoid them leaving is not fixing the underlying issue.
Start Where You Are Now - Yes, with a caveat. As with all negotiation, imbalance in offers weights subsequent negotiations and never favors the participant presenting the minority offer. Such negotiations ALWAYS favor the other side. This is why it is common practice to make almost outrageous initial offers to ensure that a reasonable outcome is achieved. This single rule ensures that the Woman in the relationship will still end up with a majority of the responsibilities. While it is a good idea to start small, since the person who had more sparse responsibilities is inevitably going to feel defensive (the Man usually), it is worth mentioning that the majority of tasks still exists and still must be addressed. So while the minority partner is getting gold stars for doing one additional thing, the majority partner is still having to do most of the work with little appreciation and the added burden of driving this new system. At some point, there should be a discussion on total dissolution of all responsibilities with the intent of a truly equitable reformation. Without that, this system is almost worthless and WILL fail.
Establish Your Values and Standards - In theory this is a great idea. You need minimum standards of care, and you need to understand and possibly recalibrate how different tasks and labor are valued. For sure. However, Eve sort of also uses this rule as an opiate, which raised a lot of red flags for me. For example. You divide up the cards, your husband has 17 cards, and you have the remaining 83. Establishing Values and Standards is a way for one to make this unequitable situation *feel* equitable. Eve directly cites several examples of this in a positive light in the book, IE: "My husband does car stuff and I highly value that". Incorrect, if all time is created equal at least. Valuing a partner performing something that feels hard to you, usually because you are unfamiliar, does not ensure that time is equitably distributed. The top "husband" cards are things like cars, yard and garden work, and IT. Cars is mostly sitting around in waiting rooms. Yard and Garden is a vacation from your family, and IT is just a lot of googling. None of these tasks are terribly valuable, yet Eve does not warn her readers of this. She makes a minor attempt related to Lawn and Garden in that she says that the task is not time-sensitive, but that seems to be all there is. Do not fall into this pit! Be objective about your values and standards, even if it means having to do something you might initially feel uncomfortable with, like pushing or riding a lawn mower. It will help both you and your partner overall.

The Rubs:
These final issues are intrinsic of Eve's prescriptions, but not to the system itself. Which I found interesting, but they will absolutely destroy any hope of equity by using Fair Play if adhered to or not appreciated. They could not be arranged by rule or chapter, so I will address them here:

CPE - CPE is great! You should use it in your relationship, HOWEVER. You should understand that it IS just the two of you. Eve is very insistent about avoidance of RATS, Randomly Assigned Tasks, which she defines as anything one partner asks another to do for a card that they, themselves, hold. So, in effect, any time you ask your partner for help. I do not believe that this has to be random and I do not believe that this has to be bad. Starting out, yes, it would be good to have a more survivalist approach, especially for the minority partner. Let them struggle, let them fail a little. It will make them stronger and give them an enhanced appreciation for the work that has to be done. However, there really are only two of you, so delegation (which sort of is a contradiction of CPE, but consider the context please) is sort of necessary. Eve is fire-and-brimstone about this and avoiding it, but frankly it can just be part of a card-holder's CPE to delegate. A task is not really a RAT if the receiving partner is properly informed. Most perplexingly, Eve's solution for needing help, which we all require from time to time, is to "ask your village", which she does not really elaborate on at all or address further. She also does not explain how asking someone outside your marriage is not a RAT with the same catastrophic consequences or about how external parties to relationships lack the same value as involved parties. How can asking your partner to pick up some legos be catastrophic to your marriage, but asking your aunt who lives across town not be? Also, isn't that a little weird? This just felt too similar to splitting beds and bank accounts for me to take seriously in the light that Eve cast it. A more flexible take seems much more prudent.

Emotional Labor - The initiator is mostly responsible for implementing this system and, since we are using the term, basically has CPE for its entire implementation and operation. There isn't a card for that. Deficiencies and implementation issues are handled by her and the system lives and dies based on her input and commitment to it. Let's be honest, if one's husband can't even figure out how to check to see if the trash is full and take it out, how on earth will he run this system? There should be some sort of rebalance of responsibility when it comes to maintaining the system, but that doesn't happen and is not addressed in the book. There is not even a card for it. Responsibility for the system needs to also be shared or at least be resealable, but it cannot be because the system does not take this into consideration. This is a huge problem because it continues the habit of invisible and unpaid labor and relegates that to ostensibly the woman.

How Imbalances are Handled - Eve recommends the husband to have 21 cards and frankly, I just find this ridiculous because, to do some uncharitable math (as not all cards will be in-play for all relationships all of the time), that means the wife will have 79. I don't feel as though this is solving any issues, especially considering it is very easy to get to 21 as the Husband once you account for the cards both of you are required to hold and the traditional husband cards they will adopt immediately because they are "man things". It feels more and more unfair the more you think about it. You should also be on the lookout for weaponized incompetence. Eve says that if a partner fails consistently at a task it can be redealed, but that just means that the majority partner will have to pick it up. Do not allow your partner, who will already be at a large advantage, exploit this. Ideally, they should be held accountable like the adult that they are. Adult men know when the trash is full and when the kitty litter needs to be scooped, they just play dumb. Unfortunately, Eve does not really discuss accountability or remediation mechanisms at all outside of redealing. This was a missed opportunity and is a glaring weakness in the system. Make a stronger effort to reach equity than what Eve prescribes, or you will really just be back at square-one.

Unicorn Space - A minor gripe here, Eve insists that one's Unicorn Space must be something that will be shared with others. I feel as though this is a little troublesome as women are continually conditioned to serve their families and their society at the expense of themselves. Furthering this habit by insisting that one's personal development and most sacred personal time and space should basically be public is a little hard to get around for me. I love the idea of Unicorn Space, but hate the idea of it being a communal thing. Eve cites no intrinsic complaint with a man climbing a mountain as his Unicorn Space outside of when he choses to do so, IE don't pursue this goal immediately after child birth, But she is sure to address the reader and impress upon her (because lets face it, the book is directed right at the woman in a given relationship) that she should share her Unicorn Space with others. The idea is a little gross. Eve does make some good points about how sharing with others has psychological benefits, and I don't disagree, but that should not be a requirement in any way. If your Unicorn Space is playing Stardew Valley, please don't feel compelled to stream your gameplay at Eve's insistence. That space is for YOU and no one else unless you allow it.

The Real Problem - Finally, let's address the real issue here. Unequitable division of labor and class consciousness. To boil common contemporary nuclear relationships down a bit, most issues exist because men are conditioned to use their wives as slaves to perform labor that is unpaid, unrecognized, and required at almost any expense to their spouse, even death (think child birth or stress-induced terminal illness). As such, they are conditioned to avoid and divest themselves from as much domestic responsibility as possible to the point that they actually have negative responsibility, where they cause more problems instead of fixing them in the form of making messes and also in the form of overzealous enforcement, continually shifting rules and expectations, and direct and indirect domestic abuse.

All of this is to say that when a Man comes to the table to talk about Fair Play, he is coming from a position of negotiating power, even if he is dumb as dirt, he can control you with ease. The weight of his position carries with it a gravity that pervasively distorts any sort of discussion in his favor and he is benefitted by non-cooperation. Weaponized incompetence, like trying to make the argument that you and he "have different minimum standards of care" related to how and when a trash bin might need to be taken out will be common. Do not CP for him as Eve did in setting a nightly trash takeout time of 7 PM. Make him C, P, AND E. It truly is an easy problem to solve, but expect hime to make it unreasonably difficult because he will resist you at every single point and every single turn. Do not settle for less, do not settle for a few small victories. If equity is to be achieved, you have to fundamentally change his perspective and make his a competent and equitable partner. Making him a rule-follower, as Eve would suggest, is a consolation but not a solution. If he were to adhere perfectly to the rules of the system but not take true and full responsibility for the operation of the household as you do, then you have not fixed the problem. To be real, at the end of the day, your household has to run and it needs TWO equitable partners and the man taking chores like a child that are assigned to them by mommy and dragging their feet over stuff they do not wish to do ain't that.

Has calificado esta reseña.

Reportaste esta reseña

esto le resultó útil a 4 personas

Disappointing in ways that are hard to explain

Revisado: 12-01-20

=====This Review contains spoilers=====

If Ready Player One was an NES classic like Contra or Super Mario Bros., Ready Player Two is an LJN game.

It reads more like an average fan fiction than a novel from the originating author.

I should be clear early on here that for the Audio version, Will Wheaton's performance was every bit as enthusiastic and exceptional as always. His exuberance brought a lot of shine to an otherwise dull collection of material.

Some things I did like were the authors attempts at presenting alternative nostalgias that other types of people from different walks of life may have enjoyed. This was in concept interesting and enjoyable. In practice it was a little off and not relatable or deep enough to actually result in an empathetic exchange (which the book definitely wanted to illicit to be sure as empathetic exchange is a key theme). I feel that this mechanism was largely marred by the vehicles and mechanisms which the author used to convey them. The least accessible of which being the "needle drops" which essentially are clips of music that play when the characters enter certain areas or perform certain tasks. They are great if one has encyclopedic knowledge of all of the music referenced, but since the nostalgias being conveyed were most likely nostalgias that the reader may only be vaguely familiar with, having the name and performing artist of different songs thrown at you in sometimes rapid fire fashion just does not have the intended effect. If nothing else, it serves to alienate the reader if they do not know enough. The alternative nostalgia scenes were all sort of like that. It felt like perhaps a virtual videogame world presented in literary form was not the best way to present such things. Were Ready Player Two a movie it might have worked a little better but then the true density of the references would become apparent and that would serve only to muddy the experience and make it seem cheap. I appreciate the effort with this and the message that everyone has their own nostalgias is not lost on me. The attempt was just weak and not effective at all.


===============================
========Here Be Spoilers==========
===============================

Aside from that, a lot of the narrative seemed kind of stale. Like this book was published a few years too late. Most of the Sci-Fi themes are sort of beaten to death these days. Virtual Reality, Direct Neural Interface, and Consciousness Digitization are all common transhumanist themes that any consumer of modern Sci-Fi media is familiar with and this book does not bring anything novel or interesting to the table in that regard which is not to say that a novel necessarily HAS to but just to say that these themes do not contribute in any way to redeem the story.

Perhaps, if Cline had offered some sort of novel conception or twist, the story could have been more fun, but they did not.

The story does try to touch on disenfranchised peoples as if to bring them some sort of recompense or acknowledgement, but the storytelling energy utilized to do so is so minimal that I can see these attempts as nothing other than pandering. An attempt to make the book more marketable, no doubt. The idea of being able to experience life through another persons perception was interesting, but ultimately just talking about it doesn't seem to be adequate and the presentation was, again, minimal. It was portrayed in the course of the story in such a way that it could have been completely removed and not made much of a difference one way or another to the end result of the story. Plenty of people have spent plenty of time just talking about helping the poor, minorities, women, etc but few have ever done much of anything for them.

Finally, the pacing just seemed odd. It seemed as though maybe the book never saw a competent editor's desk or something. It leans too heavily on explanation and exposition over action, far too many major events in the story happen "off screen". This becomes frustrating almost immediately and it is leveraged too heavily to provide adversity. Plenty of things could have been acted out on screen and many of them should have been. Instead the reader is left playing catch-up for nearly the entirety of the book. Important things are left out until the last moment, at which point they become irrelevant, for example Shoto's wardrobe change. Other things are just befuddling, especially near the end when our heroes are "running out of time". The challenges are suddenly and miraculously abbreviated as though the author himself was running out of time. Problems are solved off screen or through otherwise effortless means including a twist near the very end that just wasn't believable. It seemed to be more of a story telling convenience than a genuine twist. Genuine twists generally require at least a little evidence for the reader to reflect on to be truly gratifying. The twist with the shards was just sort of an easy out to an otherwise more complex situation. Again, it seemed as though the author himself was running out of time and had to abbreviate things, which was odd. The entire end story arc seemed run together and ungratifying, much like the abundant exposition at the beginning. It gets the brass tacks across, but not in an enjoyable way.

My recommendation would be to pretend that this book doesn't exist and hope that if there is a cinematic adaptation, the director will be afforded enough artistic license to make the sequel good. The are enough good bones in this carcass to do it, I am sure.

Has calificado esta reseña.

Reportaste esta reseña

Not sure who this book is for

Revisado: 02-05-20

So, let me preface by saying something nice. I think that this book has value in that it does contain decent meditations to practice and also that there are a few grains of wisdom here or there that are useful. However, this book has more than it's share of problems.

The most confusing problem being the author's anecdotes that she bases her lessons around. They are just so shockingly unrelatable that they verge on humor. When the author mentions that she had a painful time in her life that she could hardly make it through, there are many things that come to mind that are possibilities, but the story the author tells is not one of them.

The other major issue that I saw was that the author's use of science as justification for her points is iffy. It seems fairly obvious there is some cherry picking going on because she often mentions that this study or that study proves her point, but never really goes into the details. Her relationship with science seems tenuous at best. This is how we go from things like eggs being pure congestive heart failure to superfood to just kinda normal every few years. If science is to be used to justify points, broader and more comprehensive justification and discussion is required. I was waiting for the author to cite a survey as evidence, but for all I know some of these studies might be because she is so vague, I found it difficult to find anything she referenced.

Finally, a lot of the issues and problems this book claims to solve seem like non problems. Many times I just had to pause the book and take a breath to process what I just heard. If this were a children's book, perhaps the book would be justified, but the optimist in me refuses to believe that adults at large can be so inept and so oblivious that they float through life hardly grasping the fact that they have feelings.

Has calificado esta reseña.

Reportaste esta reseña

As Good As The First

Revisado: 05-21-19

A long time ago, Audible incessantly recommend Hard Luck Hank to me and I ignored it. In my view, it was just another low brow sci-fi/fantasy book about a cliché "hard to kill" hero. One day, however, I was out of books to read, had an abundance of credits, and a lot of time to fill driving. When I purchased the first book, I soon discovered exactly how ignorant and incorrect I was. Needless to say, several books later the author has not lost his voice and the characters continue to be as interesting, diverse, and vibrant as ever. The world is novel and well constructed, the stories are crazy and often hilarious, and Hank is always himself. He never disappoints. The series has strong noir/mystery overtones that fit surprisingly well in the sci-fi/fantasy world the author has built. Everything is always fresh and interesting, even in the most recent entry, which is surprising. Most series get sort of dull and watered down by this point, but not Hank. While the universe evolves and changes around him, Hank always stays his usual self as if he is some sort of a cosmically singular counterweight to the chaos that is existence. Bless Hank and bless Steve Campbell for creating him. Truly a treat.

Has calificado esta reseña.

Reportaste esta reseña

esto le resultó útil a 18 personas

Consistently funny and interesting

Revisado: 04-23-19

The author blocked me on Facebook for being conservative, but his books are still great, so I still read them! :) Many stories that I follow get stale or weird by now, but Bevan has done a very good job of keeping things fresh, funny, and interesting. Critical Failures has not only provided entertainment, but also inspired myself and my group to have more light hearted and fun-filled D&D campaigns of our own. Many of us made the mistake of trying to be entirely too serious and it was really making the game unfun for all of us. I was happy that I shared the series with the rest of my friends and we all continue to do so with everyone that we know. I sincerely hope that these stories continue to be inspired, humorous, and creative as they have been this far. Most excellent.

Has calificado esta reseña.

Reportaste esta reseña

Generally good but soft spots are starting to show

Revisado: 10-30-18

Was overall good. The story delivers the same tone and content the previous entries in the series did. This book seems primarily focused on relationship drama as the primary agitant and that is all well and good in theory. The execution was somewhat lacking however as there seemed to be gaps in logic and reasoning with the development of the conflicts. This is not to say that the conflicts themselves should have been logical, it is just that they seemed a bit contrived and to be forced along by skips in continuity. Things that would have been enjoyable to see developed were skipped and other things seemed to be developed in strange ways that undermine the character of the individuals involved especially considering the stakes surrounding each respective situation. This resulted in a narrative with a strange texture. I read through to the end, but really only for the sake of the characters that I enjoy reading about, not because I believed that their reactions and actions were representative of their personalities. I will certainly give the author a chance in the next book to clean things up as a great deal was left unaddressed and many loose ends were simply never fully explained or given adequate closure. To be frank though, if I wanted frivolous relationship drama, I could just watch something on network television. Generally, I read to experience narratives and worlds with structure and meaning, not to observe a replication the psuedo-nihilistic realities of material existence. In this case, I feel that the author has done a disservice to his characters with this story and by extent, the reader who is emotionally invested in all of them at this point.

Has calificado esta reseña.

Reportaste esta reseña

Unexpectedly Intriguing, a real treat

Revisado: 09-24-18

After reading so many articles and seeing so many videos depicting Peterson as a white supremest scion, I wholly expected this book to be a tome of evil and oppression. That was not the case. What I found in this book was a thoughtful and well reasoned approach for strengthening one's life through philosophic consideration and development. I am giving Peterson a second chance, as a whole, thanks to this book and I have yet to be disappointed.

Has calificado esta reseña.

Reportaste esta reseña

Continued excellence

Revisado: 04-25-18

An improvement upon the first. greatly enjoyed the humor and gimmicks used. My only wish is that it were longer. Looking forward to the next.

Has calificado esta reseña.

Reportaste esta reseña

esto le resultó útil a 1 persona

A fresh twist on villain-centric fiction

Revisado: 04-24-18

I didn't know what to think of this series upon first glance but I am very happy that I gave it a chance. It was quite enjoyable the whole way through and novel enough to keep me guessing despite me being an avid fan of villain/brooding anti-hero fiction. Very happy that there is a second book already on audible and looking forward already to the third.

Has calificado esta reseña.

Reportaste esta reseña

esto le resultó útil a 1 persona

very impressed

Revisado: 08-03-17

hope they do more like this. Short, but amazing production value. The full cast makes it a fantasy experience.

Has calificado esta reseña.

Reportaste esta reseña

esto le resultó útil a 3 personas