Rachel Noor

This helped me stay sane during a hard time in my life.

Revisado: 02-26-22

I needed this book as there aren’t many raw true Muslim American reverts talking openly about this. I am dealing with a half polygamy situation except for the fact I was supposed to be married first to my kashmiri fiancé and knew my fiancé was to be married a few months later to a Kashmiri girl which had already been arranged. He didn’t tell his family we were halal dating with intention to be married. I am divorced with 4 kids, (2 married and two in high school), ten years older than my fiancé and cannot and do not want more children from my own body. I knew he wanted a child and I am open to polygamy. I am open and willing to do this. Yet after his marriage he said he can’t marry me, that his culture won’t accept it. Now I feel in limbo. Broken hearted. Before marriage and now after I came to kashmir, met his parents and sister and family and loved them and they love me. They call me a daughter.i met his wife and she is pregnant. I am happy for him and her and looking forward to the baby. However those months that he got married and after I was tormented by the same thoughts about them having sex, the jealousy and the pain. The feelings are same no matter what. I don’t know what to do. I came across this book while on my return visit to kashmir. I’m still trying to figure my place in this all. He doesn’t nor ever wanted to marry for a greencard. He loves me very much. He provides for me financially and emotionally in so many ways. I’ve never had sex with or kissed him even as I don’t have nikah.

This book just helped me a lot to not feel alone, to remind me to stay true to Islam and protect my rights as a Muslim woman, to seek out justice and peace in my heart and to not feel enmity towards his wife as she is innocent in all of this and a good girl. I hope and pray that in time, my fiancé (or whatever he is) will do the right thing. Until then and always, I accept this test from Allah and hope to be stronger for it.

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