MostlyHarmless

Realistic/practical advice

Revisado: 03-06-22

I have read dozens of books on the subject and the common approach to ‘how does one stay in a relationship with a narcissist’ is ‘here is some stuff you can try if you insist of being stupid and not leaving immediately, but really - nothing works and we know eventually you are going to want to leave anyhow’.
This is the first book that has an approach that doesn’t assume you are only interested in temporizing the situation and ‘surviving’ and has advice that assumes you want to have as much of a quality relationship as is possible in the situation.
Readers who complain that this suggests you ‘accommodate’ the narcissist do not ultimately understand narcissism. A relationship with a narcissist will NEVER be fair. Or emotionally rewarding/reciprocal in a ‘traditional’ sense. They are completely incapable of that for many reasons.
The consensus opinion is that ‘managing your expectations’ is key. This is all this book is suggesting. This is not martyrdom. It is simply that as a more emotionally mature person you will have to recognize what your narcissist’s buttons are and learn to work with that.

This is also one of the few books that doesn’t treat a narcissist like an unsalvageable dumpster fire and recognizes that under all the lashing out and blaster there is a hurt little boy/girl who has never felt loved, understood and supported.
Do you have to be the person to try to make up (and you never will) for years of emotional damage your narcissist has internalized so deeply it is now an integral part of their personality? Of course, not. But if for whatever reason this is a relationship you value and want to maintain - this is the best advice I have read. Just remember to manage expectations and expect to take care of most of your emotional needs yourself/elsewhere outside of this particular relationship.

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Is there such thing as too much sexual tension...?

Revisado: 07-14-17

I wouldn't have believed it possible until this book... shockingly, the MCs has SOOO much heat and chemistry between them pretty much every second of their time together it started to feel unrealistic and almost boring. (Mini spoiler: I'd think if anything in real life would put a damper on a boner it would be meeting with the ex-wife and her lawyer, apparently not...) Also, because their attraction was almost exclusively focused on the physical, I found it hard to believe they were developing an actual relationship beyond that.
So, as hot as those two were together, it was disappointing that too much of a good thing spoiled it for me and turned many potentially very hot moments into 'really? Here we go again' eye roll moments... the 'story-line to heat' ratio didn't quite work for me, sadly, as I kind of liked both aspects individually.

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A was hoping to like this more...

Revisado: 07-01-17

This is my third (and likely last) go at a Rhys Ford book and something is just not doing it for me. I really liked the premise (same as with her other books), but neither the plot nor the relationship between the MCs was doing it for me. There is 'insta-lust' followed by dancing around each other for a few chapters, then MCs finally have sex and 10 minutes later they are picking out the China... I just wasn't feeling it, which made the sex scenes fall flat despite nothing being wrong with those per se. I noticed a similar pattern with the other two book by the author that I've read.

Tristan James is one of my favorite narrators, but I found myself having to go back and re-listen because I was loosing interest and was not paying attention.

Also, perhaps a small pet-pieve, but it was driving me nuts - one the the MCs was constantly referred to as 'the blonde' throughout the book, which I found supremely annoying and just plain weird, as we already know the guy and he's got a name, etc..

I really wish I liked this book better :( but I guess Rhys Ford's writing style is just not doing it for me despite the fact the I am intrigued by the descriptions of most of her books....

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Kept me awake!

Revisado: 05-10-17

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Josh Lanyon is one of the few authors who's books I read/listen to over and over again just for the beautiful way she has with words, but not all of her many misteries are equally captivating. (Which is forgivable given how many stories she's written!) This one I loved! I made a mistake and started listening to it hoping it would lull me to sleep and ended up staying up in bed until 5 am after a 16 hour work day totally spooked and unable to stop listening! (and I do not spook easily!!)

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Glad it's over...

Revisado: 03-25-16

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Although there were some parts and characters of this book I highly enjoyed, overall this book felt self-indulgent and pretentious, not to mention - way too long!! The author certainly knows how to create a beautiful sentence and vivid imagery, but there was just way too much of it - not every single tiny moment in life (or in a book) is profound enough to describe in such excruciating detail. Too often in this book I felt like the story and the characters were overshadowed buy the endless masturbation on the intricacies of the English prose. It somehow made the story less compalling instead of more (which I imagine was the intent)! I liked the story/characters well enough, and the narrator was good, but I struggled to the end - it was a mind-numbing sensory overload of sorts, I had a hard time staying focused on the story for all the embellishments. Not to mention that remembering every minute detail of you thoughts, feelings and surroundings through ~10 years of your life is just unrealistic, especially for a 13-year old boy! It made his story as a young teenager seem fake, his relationship with his mother slightly creepy and his older self just plain annoying. I guess the best way I can summarize how I felt about this book is that it felt like one of those independent artsy movies that you suspect everyone has been raving about only because it is 'trendy' to do so. You don't want to be the only one to say that you didn't get it and thought it was crap because you don't want anyone to think you are not 'cultured enough' to understand/appreciate it, hence the hight overall reviews... Perhaps I AM not 'cultured' or sophisticated enough, but I couldn't make myself enjoy this book and kept switching to other books 'to take a break' (and I can usually listen even to the most isoteric technical non-fiction for 'fun' without having to take breaks)...

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decent advice, bad reasons....

Revisado: 12-21-14

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A second star only because following the authors advice will very likely make people healthier (which is great!), but not necessarily for the reasons the authors wants you to think.
I have a keen personal and professional interest in a subject of nutrition and have read/listened to most of the popular/"best seller" stuff on the subject in additinon to more technical literature. This book was very disappointing. It is not that I disagree with the premise, but I felt that there was very little in terms of scientific backing for the authors very strong statements. A lot of flowery language bashing "the poisonous, unfit for human consumption grasses", but saying something a thousand times doesn't make it so - I want to hear more about the science. If you are going to expect the reader to change their lives drastically, you got to offer a lot more evidence to be convincing (and for someone like me who's been very firmly on a low carb/keto vagon for years, to say a prescription is drastic is saying something - it is one thing not to eat bread and pasta, it is a different story to avoid every trace of every grain in your life).
Another big problem I had with the author's conclusions that grain is the root of essentially all evil is that his plan is not simply grain elimination - it is ALL carb elimination ("you blood glucose readings should stay the same before and after a meal" - that's pretty much a ketogenic diet). So how can you possibly contribute all the benefits to grain elimination alone?! I do not doubt that there are some people who are actually sensitive to grains, but to lump everyone who benefits from a low carb diet into a grain intolerance pile is unscientific, irresponsible and disappointing. Especially coming from a physician. The 'cure-all' wibe of the book was a huge turn-off from a physician as well (I am one, and I felt a strong tinge of embarrassment for the profession with every strong, yet unsupported claim....)
Again, I am not saying the author is wrong or that his 'total health' plan is not a good one for people to follow, but I am saying that the evidence he offers does not support his conclusions. Doing something right (eating less carbs, let's say) for the wrong reasons ('grains are the reason for all your health problems') is not a good solution for our health. A more nuanced approach is required if we are to really help people get healthier. And there are many other popular books that are better written and better scientifically supported.

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esto le resultó útil a 39 personas