Bill

My fellow Americans, we are here for one reason: the fact that I picked Marc Havak to represent us in the crucible of carnage. Now, before we talk about how fantastic I am at making world leader decisions, let’s talk about how great this sequel is. I've read many sequels, and all were bad. Very very bad. But this one? It's the best. And not just because I'm in it. No. Well, yes. I’m in it, and I always do a fantastic job with everything.

When the aliens came down and told us they’d enslave all of the human race if we didn’t send our bigliest warrior to participate in their arena death games, I laughed at them. It was really funny because they obviously didn’t know who they were dealing with. Know what I mean? Then they said they would pick the greatest warrior, and they picked Marc Havak. He seemed like such an average guy, but he was a true-blue American. He even worked as a truck driver! That’s the kind of good guy we want defending us from aliens.