Scholarly Reviewer

Just a few small things:

Revisado: 04-28-25

Expressions:
“Curled his nose” should be “wrinkled his nose”.
“and everything in between” doesn’t make sense in reference to items that lack a natural progression.

I’ll add more.

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Mostly fine until chapter 60.

Revisado: 03-19-25

The reader’s pronunciation of Kagahime is tragic and distracting, and frequent repetition made it irritating.

I’d be fine with skipping all of the past chapters. They could have just been brief summaries in conversations.

Even with near death experiences, I didn’t feel any sense of urgency in the fights. Probably because I don’t care what happens to either of the main characters. The only character I liked in this was the yeti. The little girl and wolf were okay.

The author forgot that the wolf’s eye color changed.

I probably won’t get the next book.

The author overuses the word “power”, and starting in chapter 60, seemed to be rushing the writing. The quality of the grammar drops sharply from there on. Before that, there were some forgivable errors.

The writing is heavy handed and repetitive and expresses a limited vocabulary. Like talking to someone a bit slow. This suggests a lack of revision.

Coupled with the author’s errors in common expressions and correct word order, the author talking with the repetition of an elementary school teacher risks becoming vaguely insulting to readers that notice it.

Using the word “gotten” makes it sound like the author didn’t go to university.

I recommend reading “The Elements of Style” by E.B. White and William Strunk, Jr. Every author should read it.

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The stakes are too low, and stop saying “alas”

Revisado: 03-07-25

Crafting beautiful sentences:

“You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” “Alas” was used correctly four times, if I remember rightly, and incorrectly the rest of the time.
Also:
- There is a lot of redundancy in descriptions, excessively explaining things by restating them within the same sentence or next sentence.
- If something is “prepared”, you don’t need to say it was “pre-prepared”.
- “thus” doesn’t need the word “why” after it.
- If something is exaggerated or excessive, you don’t need the word “over” in front of it. You can “over indulge”, or you can “glut”, but you wouldn’t “over glut”. In the same way, you can “over state” or “exaggerate”, but you wouldn’t “over exaggerate”.

- “Weak” is a word that implies a comparison, so it’s excessive to say, “weak in comparison”, unless the potential to mistake what the subject is being compared to exists. Ex. “Charles was weak compared to Jill, but much stronger than Harold.”
- “Begging the question” refers to an informal logical fallacy. It is not synonymous with “raising the question”, meaning to bring up a subject for consideration by others.
I’ll add more to this once I remember what else I noticed. There was some issue with mixing expressions…

The story:

I like the interactions with, and between, gods, but the challenge dungeons are dull due to low stakes.

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Mr. Hayes is an excellent writer

Revisado: 01-31-25

Mr. Hayes writes excellent books. He only has one habit that distracts from the narrative. He writes “thus why” instead of “thus”, which is incorrect. It’s a very small distraction only professional editors are likely to notice. I fell in love with this series almost immediately.

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The first 35 chapters are utter garbage

Revisado: 12-31-24

After the first 35 chapters, the story is elevated to the rank of Barely Tolerable. The author needs to read “The Elements of Style” by White and Strunk. They also need to look up unfamiliar words to make sure they are using them correctly. I only kept reading because my brothers’ mistakenly insist this is a fantastic series. I spent the first 35 chapters shouting at the author for making the same awful mistakes OVER and OVER. Normally, when I read something like this novel, I think, “I wish I could edit this”. You couldn’t pay me enough to work on this. It’s not a fixer upper. It’s a tear down, rebuild. This was painful and I hate it.

If you recommend this series to anyone, tell them to start on chapter 85. It’s the first chapter that is almost enjoyable.

He lost my interest again in the last 5 minutes. Every time we’re in the head of the main character, I am reminded how much I hate the main character and writing quality.

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esto le resultó útil a 1 persona

Not as good as his other books.

Revisado: 12-30-24

I was excited when this came out.

This book was a slog, and there were more errors. It was boring and disappointing. I hope there won’t be any more like this one in the series.

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esto le resultó útil a 1 persona

Excellent. Just one note for the narrator.

Revisado: 12-27-24

These books only get better with each addition to the set.

The narrator is also excellent. Just one note: “mob” is pronounced the same way as in the phrase “mob mentality” or “mobster”, not “mobe”. Mobs mob the party.

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Well written, but one note for the author…

Revisado: 12-24-24

My only note is that the author occasionally accidentally calls women ugly because he means “comely”, but he’s saying “homely”, and a warrior looks for “chinks” in their opponent’s armor, not “kinks”. Other than that, it’s well written.

I generally struggle to get through litrpgs because they are poorly written. Mr. Thorne is a rare exception.

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Limited

Revisado: 12-19-24

It seems like the end of book 2 is where ADASTRA339 hit the limits on his vocabulary, sense of proportion, and understanding of Chinese mysticism. Everything is just an unstoppable force that is stopped or an immovable object that is moved. He’s left no room for growth. He shouldn’t have used absolute language for incomplete characters and places.

More so than the first two books, this one gives a clear sense that the author has a weak grasp of common expressions and the meanings of words. This book should have been edited before being pushed through to publication.

Still, it is more pleasant than it is irritating. The narrator is carrying the author like Zane carries his party.

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Not very interesting.

Revisado: 09-19-24

Just felt like playing the first few quests and watching generic cutscenes from any mmorpg. The mundane scenes on Earth felt like a 90’s daytime tv college football drama. The dialogue is mechanical. The character interactions don’t seem natural. The descriptions are flowery when it should be practical, and occasionally vaguely offensive, suggesting an author with an outdated sense of political correctness. The excuses for stat chapters are worse than just including them, but if the author isn’t sure, they shouldn’t include them. If it doesn’t drive the story, it doesn’t belong in the book.

I’d like my book credit back.

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