CM

maybe not for trauma survivors

Revisado: 10-27-20

edit: I crafted an apology to an estranged lover and could not have had better results. ***I actually thought this book was brilliant after first reading/listening to it. I read this book to understand why my family and ex boyfriend won't apologize, but after listening, I wondered if I owed these abusive people apologies, too. After all, because of this book, I could see that they were hurt by me and my reactions to trauma too and likely deserved an apology. My family and I were in a vicious cycle of not validating or respecting each other's perspectives and fights were rampant. I have realized that denial is in fact a way to deal with trauma, and they need support regardless, not my judgement, so I should apologize for that. Actually, that's a big reason I was mad at them- they judged me for my very different way of coping instead of supporting! I can really see how it could deescalate my situation by apologizing first, even to my mother who, unlike my sisters, definitely started it. But still, when a toxic situation like mine is the case, this book falls short. The people in my life are still dangerous for me, and apologizing may not get me an apology eventually, but instead, vulnerability to more harm. I regularly see a talented therapist specializing in trauma and attachment and she disagreed with the author's notion that I should apologize to my family at all, or to my ex, as they still haven't done the work, and it takes two. I'm left with more questions than answers. If you don't have serious relationship issues in general, I can definitely recommend this book.

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