Mikkikon

Review from a non-parent

Revisado: 05-03-21

First, I am not a parent. I got this this book in hopes that it might give me insight into my own past and feelings of shame, and how I might come to view myself and human sexuality in a more healthy way. It did just that.

The greatest testament to Dr. Shermer Seller's perspective on sexuality is that it is something that has served her well in her own life and in the raising of her own children. She did not come from a family in which sexuality was viewed as shameful, and she did not grow up feeling sexual shame. To many, the fact that this is possible will be a revelation in itself.

Dr. Schermer Sellers rightly points out the many harms caused to a generation of children by evangelical purity culture--something I have personal experience with. However, it is interesting to me that both evangelical purity culture and progressives like Dr. Schermer Sellers view "the media" and "the culture" as the enemy. Not only that, but they also both tend to see the other side as indistinguishable from this enemy, or as aiding and abetting it. Surely, lumping evangelicals together with rape culture, the media, the excesses of capitalism, and objectification of women is highly uncharitable and unfair reading of the motives of these individuals. And any "good evangelical kid" who grew up in purity culture (myself included) knows that all of this stuff is bad. Pointing out what is wrong with purity culture doesn't require that we ignore the areas of agreement or demonize people's intentions.

On gender identity and transgender issues... You would think that millennia of humanity getting these issues wrong (as I assume the author believes we have) might instill one with some sense of humility that perhaps we still haven’t yet arrived at a perfect understanding of sexuality and identity. Yet Dr. Schermer Sellers writes with what reads like absolute clarity and certainty when she discusses these issues, referring readers to various books and "transgender experts who can help guide you and your child..." Statements like this are extremely patronizing when you understand how far this stuff is from a settled science. I can't help but feel as though we're doomed to continue creating new sets of absolutist dogmas and deference to unquestionable authorities every time that we throw off the old ones.

It makes it more difficult for the reader to trust the veracity of anything the author tells us when she makes passing statements like "gender isn’t a binary", and then proceeds to belie this claim by using gendered language throughout the book. "Gender" is not clearly defined here (or anywhere, for that matter!), and it would be worth noting that many people do not see "gender" as a valid category. Moreover, gender is not "assigned at birth". Rather, the SEX of the child is observed and documented at birth. Making statements like these may appease those within the author's circle, but it will not help her important message spread far and wide.

Instead of reifying notions of gender by telling our children that they should alter their body when they don't fit the gender stereotype, perhaps we should be challenging our notions of gender and encouraging our children to accept and love their bodies exactly the way that they are. There is nothing wrong with them. To me, this inability to accept our bodies and our biological sex and distinguish this from our personalities and interests is just another manifestation of sexual shame.

Finally, I find it unfortunate that a book about shamelessness finds no fault worth mentioning in the doctrines of modern day antiracism which are leading many young children to identify deeply with immutable characteristics and to feel a sense of shame and otherness due to socially constructed categories of "race." We should not be encouraging children to see power dynamics between races, but empowering them to view themselves as the equals that they are. The more we continue to reify the category of race in the 21st century, and the more that we cultivate a sense of insecurity in children, the more resentment and division we will foster in the future.

While I feel the need to push back on some of these points, I loved the book and Dr. Tina's heart. I think that she has an extremely important and timely message that can help parents and non-parents alike.

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Good for confirming existing beliefs...

Revisado: 12-20-16

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

Christians who want their beliefs confirmed, or those who are on the fence but are more inclined toward being convinced.

Would you ever listen to anything by Timothy Keller again?

Yes. I have also read The Reason for God.

Have you listened to any of Sean Pratt’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

I think so. He sounded familiar. He has a very soothing, calm voice.

Any additional comments?

The moral argument comes up over and over in this book, but Keller's arguments do not really address the better thought out counter arguments. Instead, they beg the question.

The best example of this is the final chapter of the book, where Keller basically tries to make the case that morality cannot be defended rationally on the basis of self interest.

But wait... does that mean morality is irrational? He stops short of saying that outright, but it is what this type of argument implies.

Actually, Keller does not really attempt to refute the rational arguments for morality. Instead, what Keller argues is the empirical case that most people will not choose to be moral when given only rational, intellectual arguments for morality. Essentially, that people are too self-interested to be self-interested(!)

But this says nothing about the actual philosophical status of morality or the existence of God. This is just a way of saying that people are short-sighted and not generally insightful enough to grasp that morality actually is in their self interest!

This is something that Keller and I can probably agree on. But it is not a sound argument for God or against a rational understanding of morality. It is merely an argument about human psychology and what drives people.

It is easy to imagine that humans have developed ideas, creeds, and emotional responses that help us cooperate and behave in ways that are rational and mutually beneficial where our intellect and short-sightedness would otherwise fail us. But this does not imply that morality cannot be explained without a god.

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Will be listening to this more than once!

Revisado: 09-12-14

Where does The Practicing Mind rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

Best "self-help" book I've read yet, although I haven't read too many of them.

Have you listened to any of Thomas M. Sterner’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

No, but I would like to hear more from him. Great reading voice, very soothing and genuine.

What insight do you think you’ll apply from The Practicing Mind?

1. Focus on the present and on the process and use your goal only as a rudder. Most stress and anxiety are creations of your own mind, and come about when you're not focusing on the present. If you're always thinking about the future or the past and never the present, you will never be happy with where you are.

2. D.O.C. - Do. Observe. Correct. Just do your best. Failing is a part of life, so you shouldn't be anxious about it. When you fail, don't get emotional about it. Instead, observe what went wrong and correct it next time. This is how practice works.

3. "At what point in the stage of the life of a flower has it reached perfection?" This part of the book made me tear up on the first and subsequent listens. The answer is that the flower is always perfect at being what it is in that stage of its life. It's no use getting frustrated about not being where you want to be. You will get there, but it will take time, and you should enjoy where you are right now because there is beauty in every stage of life. This is an extremely freeing concept.

I've started trying to apply these concepts both in my work and while driving. I still have a long way to go, but when I remind myself of these ideas I experience much less fear, frustration, and restlessness, and are more compassionate towards others who I can see are struggling with the same issues.

Any additional comments?

I wish it was longer! I'm on my second listen and will probably revisit this book in the future to help reinforce these ideas in my mind.

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