Brook Rock

Generational Trauma

Revisado: 02-05-25

This is nothing more than generational trauma playing out among the rich and powerful. What strikes me most is that these men were not stopped by those in power or adjacent to power around them. I’m struck by the way in which abuse perpetuates with enablers as well as damaged souls looking for resolution to their own childhoods by being with people who will carry on where their caretakers left off.

As for Mary Kennedy, I cannot say that I see a lot of blame on Bobby’s part… yes, he cheated and was probably very ill-equipped to give Mary what she wanted and maybe needed; but, I don’t think the children of borderline mothers would be very sad to have their fathers divorce them and cut them off. They are highly abusive and destroy their children’s lives if they don’t get help to heal before raising children. I think Amber Heard is a great example of this. I wish my own father had divorced my extremely abusive BPD/NPD mother. Some of my childhood, teen years or even adulthood may have been salvaged from her reign of terror and may have changed the entire course of mine and my siblings’ lives for the better.

As for the corruption, sexual assaults, murders and infidelities, these men are wholly responsible and to blame for the damage they caused and should not be upheld in public opinion as they are. However, the resolve to stay with such men, and the enabling, by these women shows the lack of nurturing and self worth they came out of their childhoods with, which is evidence of the generational trauma that created their own cognitive dissonance and made them wholly susceptible to continually choosing that which hurt them. I blame their parents. And I’m sad they did not get the help and support they needed to choose better for themselves before it was too late for them to experience real love.

Sadly, this dynamic plays out in all classes. Power dynamics that are abusive are happening in the poorest of families, the middle class and with those who have political and religious power and influence. It’s legitimized spiritually as well as socially and politically by being swept under the rug, covered up, excused and enabled in the name of “the greater good”. Our only hope as a species is to find healing and to nurture children to have healthy boundaries and self love so that there is no need or kink or perversion of the soul to abuse others and to subconsciously crave abuse by others in order to work out early life traumas. Narcissistic injury in early development is the surest way to perpetuate these atrocities in society and it happens by parents and caregivers who have not healed their own narcissistic injuries…hence, generational trauma.

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Needs More Research

Revisado: 06-07-24

Interesting that this author’s definition of endometriosis fits right in with the patriarchal misogynistic tropes she’s writing against. Endometriosis is not endometrial tissue as she describes. This is an outdated definition based on a debunked theory of “retrograde menstruation” formulated out of the very ideologies she’s writing against. Endometriosis is a full body disease that has even been found in cisgender men. It is not a gynecological disease at all. It is more common in women — but this is one example of how the book is not as well researched as it could be. Not are the arguments that well thought out or developed. There is so much more that could be delved into on this — and how these beliefs are still permeating even the most self-described liberated women’s minds.

Chronic illnesses that affect women also affect men. Some of the injustices and inequalities are simply due to ableist mindsets that see all people complaining of pain as inferior, weak and worth less than their peers. Women are just as denigrating to men, labeling their viruses as a “man cold” and seeing them as weak when they are laid low with illness. Just because women mask their pain and push themselves too hard, doesn’t mean a man’s pain is any less legitimate than theirs. I’m kind of tired of these narrow minded approaches to what is a much more universal problem, overarching problem. Patriarchal misogyny negatively affects all genders. And women are just as guilty as men of carrying these beliefs through, generation after generation.

Very narrow, biased view.

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Scott Triggered Some People

Revisado: 03-28-23

And I agree with him. Listening to the women on this podcast need Lorelei to be “right” about Rory’s moral dilemma and Lorelei’s self righteous reaction was VERY annoying. The dysfunction of R & L’s relationship shows up in the confrontation scene about Dean. This is a classic case of too little parenting too late and the parentification/emotional incest of Rory all her life, along with Lorelei’s need to be top dog. THIS is why Rory appears disgusted by her mother and wants to get the heck out of Dodge to Europe with her g-mother. The problem isn’t that L was right, it was that she had to be right when her daughter was vulnerable and clearly messed up from a lifetime of parenting her own mother (which is a form of abuse, btw, and probably caused R to make a poor decision that hurt her in the first place. These women sound like they’ve been cheated on and have bitterness about the “other woman” - and, sorry, that just isn’t R in this scenario. She needed a mother who was supportive and understanding in that moment, because she never really had that — not really, despite how close they seem. Kudos to Scott for his empathetic understanding of childhood development and generational trauma.

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Wanted to like it

Revisado: 02-10-23

I wanted to like this book. I found the author’s narration had the bored and throw-away tone of the affluent. Could not relate to her upbringing and it almost lacked detail to understand why she struggled with symptoms of trauma and neglect. She obviously struggled/struggles with mental health and I’m sure horses are very healing to work with — but Polo… and learning Spanish… to heal… she seems like someone who is stuck between two worlds and feels the need to prove something. Her political meanderings don’t match up with her desire to play a rich person’s sport. It feels as though she both rests on her family’s affluence and is ashamed of it at the same time. It’s not a relatable story. This story feels disingenuous somehow. That said, I did finish it because I kept hoping it was going to have some redeeming or grounding quality to it. It just doesn’t. It falls flat. I literally had to stop listening for days at a time because her waspy boredom just oozes out and drones on like she’s complaining about her charmed life. It felt like she was building a story around horses so that she wouldn’t have to go into detail about her true experiences. Also, listening to someone complain about not being able to put on weight or losing weight after a summer in Spain or being lavished with gifts as a child or having a toddler while not addressing what the abandonment and emotional neglect of her parents actually felt like and looked like makes it hard to follow and makes it seem like she’s just complaining. I feel like there’s more there or should be to make it make sense.

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A Cautionary Tale

Revisado: 07-11-22

Hard truths about hard things. Well written, and a cautionary tale about giving up on yourself.

I couldn’t help but think this woman gave up on something very important to her for a man who seems avoidant and stubborn and not willing to really understand her, instead of “healthy” as she attempts to portray. Yes, she wasn’t direct with him at times. She didn’t hold to her own standard of wanting a baby. Bad on her. But she was vocal and insistent at times. And was trying to show him who she was in her own way. He didn’t seem to care in the telling of this. I’m not sure if I admire the honesty or am disappointed in her giving up on her dreams more.

It was frustrating to see an unwanted outcome for the author. We don’t get everything we want in life. But to give up without even trying is a hard truth to live with. There are thousands of men who would have wanted a baby who are, perhaps “healthier” than her husband. I don’t understand why she chose to be with a man who disregarded, not one but, two of her deepest longings (career as well). Perhaps more unwritten about.

No man is worth giving up your deepest longings for. No matter how “self aware” or “healthy” they seem due to their not giving in. Don’t be with someone who is insisting you give up on soul-desire that is healthy and not harmful. To have a marriage full of resentment and resignation isn’t any kind of marriage I would recommend.

A good book about accepting the wrong choices we’ve made.

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Validating and enlightening

Revisado: 08-05-21

Best comprehensive work I’ve read on what it means and takes to heal from emotional, physical and psychological abuse by parents and take responsibility for your own life. It’s a journey that never ends but gets much, much better.

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