If you’re reading this, we did it!

Our childhood dreams of writing a book have come true. Who could have believed that what started in the back row of Ms. Doris Longbottom’s freshman English class at Richard Nixon High School would lead to all this? (Certainly not you, Doris. You never saw our full potential. Also, we knew about you and the cafeteria cook from Ecuador who always smelled like radishes and regret. Oh, and we’ll be naming a future edition after you. You’re welcome.)

Ever since puberty raced through our veins like Red Bull and jet fuel, your esteemed co-writers have researched love-making maneuvers from around the world. For decades we have giggled, gathered, and sketched hundreds of hanky panky positions from entry level to pro-series. But we didn’t want to simply publish names and drawings in some callous cash grab, we wanted you to fully appreciate the origins of each position.

When you attempt the The Mayor of Shanty Town (32, Costa Rica) on your next weekend getaway, we hope you’ll remember those who came before you.

When you try the The Gliding Gondola (13, Canada) for the first time, the experience will mean more if you picture the man who first carried those keys.

And when you experiment with The Park Ranger and The Law Student (91, United States) on that long-overdue camping trip without the kids, it will be far more delicious if you plug-in to its history.

By now you’re aroused with questions. Wondering if the book is organized by difficulty level? It’s not. This isn’t a textbook. It’s an emotional ride on the rollercoaster of intimacy. However, for your safety, we have rated the positions on a highly-scientific scale of 1-100. Lower numbers are beginner level, little to no preparation required. Higher numbers should be approached with caution, practice, and significant stretching.

You might be asking if you’re allowed to try more than one position per night. Really? What are you? A 25-year old with a working thyroid? Be careful. These positions have been bedroom, backseat, and kitchen counter tested.

Are adaptations for physical limitations acceptable? Absolutely! Have a bad back? A minor adjustment could make it possible. Stressed about your prosthetic leg? A simple tweak might relieve pressure. Worried about your partner’s glass eye? Fear not. A modest modification will open both eyes to a brand new world of pleasure.

Have we included crude stick figure drawings to illustrate each position? Please. Like you haven’t already flipped through the pages. Of course we did. And this might surprise you, but many of the drawings are the originals that were sketched between giggles in that back row of Ms. Longbottom’s class.

Finally, we sincerely thank you for your interest in intercourse, history, and improving relationships. We hope these never before published positions from around the globe and the stories behind them will inspire you to connect and reconnect many times with that special someone.

Let’s get started!

Miles and Niles