
Tell Me What You Want
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Narrated by:
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Justin J. Lehmiller
About this listen
A leading expert on human sexuality and author of the blog Sex and Psychology offers an unprecedented look at sexual fantasy based on the most comprehensive, scientific survey ever undertaken.
What do Americans really want when it comes to sex? And is it possible for us to get what we want? Justin J. Lehmiller, one of the country's leading experts on human sexuality and author of the popular blog Sex and Psychology, has made it his career's ambition to answer these questions. He recently concluded the largest and most comprehensive scientific survey of Americans' sexual fantasies ever undertaken, a monumental two-year study involving more than 4,000 Americans from all walks of life, answering questions of unusual scope.
Based on this study, Tell Me What You Want offers an unprecedented look into our fantasy worlds and what they reveal about us. It helps readers to better understand their own sexual desires and how to attain them within their relationships, but also to appreciate why the desires of their partners may be so incredibly different.
If we only better understood the incredible diversity of human sexual desire and why this diversity exists in the first place, we would experience less distress, anxiety, and shame about our own sexual fantasies and better understand why our partners often have sexual proclivities that are so different from our own. Ultimately, this book will help readers to enhance their sex lives and to maintain more satisfying relationships and marriages in the future by breaking down barriers to discussing sexual fantasies and allowing them to become a part of readers' sexual realities.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2018 Justin J. Lehmiller (P)2018 Hachette AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Lehmiller's smart, warm, sex-positive book breaks the toxic silence around our sexual fantasies. Reading it may be the best thing you ever do for your sex life, your relationships and your self-acceptance." (Geoffrey Miller, author of The Mating Mind, Spent, and Mate)
"Lehmiller's groundbreaking book points to an alarming divide between the conversations we're having about sex and the conversation we should be having about sex. It provides the nudge we need to change the conversation - and, in doing so, to live healthier, hotter lives." (Eli J. Finkel, professor of psychology, Northwestern University)
"A penetrating, erotic X-ray into the hidden recesses of our sexual psyches. Illuminating and incisive, Lehmiller lays bare the gray matter of great sex." (Ian Kerner, PhD, New York Times best-selling author of She Comes First)
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Story
Nancy Friday's taboo-shattering best seller My Secret Garden is the most popular and controversial book of women's sexual fantasies ever published. Women who feared their erotic fantasies called it scandalous. Women who recognized their own fantasies in its pages, rejoiced. Outspoken, graphic, vulnerable and shameless, My Secret Garden is a classic study of female sexuality. Friday interviewed hundreds of women from every part of the country to learn their sexual private thoughts, and she listened like no one else.
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Great read! Even for men!
- By Thomas Carter on 12-31-18
By: Nancy Friday
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Insatiable Wives
- Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them
- By: David J. Ley
- Narrated by: Rose Caraway
- Length: 12 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Long before the term cuckold was a common word thrown around in the media, Dr. Ley explored the history and science of cuckolding. This groundbreaking work explores why and how some men not only allow, but encourage, their wives to pursue sexual relationships with other men.
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Challenge your marriage
- By A.C.V. on 05-09-23
By: David J. Ley
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Open Deeply
- A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships
- By: Kate Loree
- Narrated by: Carol Jacobanis
- Length: 12 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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A full one-fifth of the United States has engaged in consensual non-monogamy (CNM) at some point in their lives, and 29 percent of adults under 30 today consider open relationships to be morally acceptable—yet there are few resources to turn to when it comes to navigating this more non-traditional and explorative territory.
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Very important book
- By J. Oakley on 12-13-22
By: Kate Loree
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Untrue
- Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free
- By: Wednesday Martin
- Narrated by: Wednesday Martin
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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From the number-one New York Times best-selling author of Primates of Park Avenue, a bold, timely reconsideration of female infidelity that will upend everything you thought you knew about women and sex. In Untrue, feminist author and cultural critic Wednesday Martin takes us on a bold, fascinating journey to reveal the unexpected evolutionary legacy and social realities that drive female faithlessness, while laying bare our motivations to contain women who step out.
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Interesting, Not Regrettable, But Kinda Angry Feminist-y
- By Bree Dirkmaat on 03-21-19
By: Wednesday Martin
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Sex at Dawn
- How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships
- By: Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jetha
- Narrated by: Allyson Johnson, Jonathan Davis, Christopher Ryan (Preface)
- Length: 10 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Since Darwin's day, we've been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species. Mainstream science - as well as religious and cultural institutions - has maintained that men and women evolved in families in which a man's possessions and protection were exchanged for a woman's fertility and fidelity. But this narrative is collapsing....
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Strawmen and Ad Hominems
- By Carolyn on 09-18-12
By: Christopher Ryan, and others
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Desire
- An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships
- By: Lauren Fogel Mersy, Jennifer A. Vencill
- Narrated by: Samara Naeymi
- Length: 8 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Desire invites listeners of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, and relationship structures to shed the shame and misinformation that surround the topic of sex and instead learn from 2 certified sex therapists about how libido really works. Desire differences are one of the most common relationship issues, yet, with fewer than 1,100 certified sex therapists in the country, it can be difficult to find help. This essential book breaks the mold of the sex self-help genre, which typically focuses only on cisgender women.
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Unoriginal
- By Rcd on 10-10-23
By: Lauren Fogel Mersy, and others
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The Loving Dominant
- By: John Warren, Libby Warren
- Narrated by: Anastasia Watley
- Length: 10 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Previous editions of The Loving Dominant taught more than 40,000 people the fundamentals of safe, affectionate dominance and submission. Now, John and Libby Warren, two of the scene's most respected educators, have updated this seminal work for a new generation of practitioners. Includes an all-new chapter on partner-finding, plus new information on electricity play, ethical play with multiple partners, water sports, kinky digital photography, and more!
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I'm completely a novice, but this opened my eyes
- By Nismo240 on 05-09-19
By: John Warren, and others
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Playing Well with Others
- Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities
- By: Lee Harrington, Mollena Williams
- Narrated by: Joel Froomkin
- Length: 12 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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While there are plenty of other books out there that explain how to give a spanking or tie a half-hitch, Playing Well With Others is the first book that explains kink culture - the munches, parties, leather bars, conferences, workshops, fetish nights, exploratoriums, and all the other gatherings of kinksters that turn BDSM and leather from a bedroom predilection to a lifestyle and a community.
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Needs new narrator
- By Gillian on 01-24-21
By: Lee Harrington, and others
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Better Sex Through Mindfulness
- How Women Can Cultivate Desire
- By: Lori A. Brotto PhD, Emily Nagoski PhD - foreword
- Narrated by: Celeste Oliva
- Length: 7 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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In Better Sex Through Mindfulness, acclaimed psychologist and sex researcher Lori A. Brotto offers a groundbreaking approach to improving desire, arousal, and satisfaction inside - and outside of - the bedroom.
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Mindfulness is good for so many things!
- By noriko on 07-31-19
By: Lori A. Brotto PhD, and others
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Men in Love
- Men's Sexual Fantasies: The Triumph of Love over Rage
- By: Nancy Friday
- Narrated by: Tyler Ryan, Cindy Harden, Raquel Harris, and others
- Length: 21 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Men may say they talk about sex openly, but most women know it's a tough subject for men to talk about honestly. Now for the first time, Friday interviews thousands of men from ages 14 to 60, all over North America, to reveal their candid, no-exaggeration, honest sexual fantasies. Secret fantasies that men have always kept hidden. A taboo-shattering investigation which reveals the deepest, most conflicted feelings that men have about women, each other, and their own sexuality. A top cast brings these remarkable men's real voice to life.
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Droll, cold performance.
- By Kitty B on 07-23-18
By: Nancy Friday
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The Erotic Mind
- Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment
- By: Jack Morin PhD
- Narrated by: Matthew Boston
- Length: 12 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Challenging accepted theories about what makes for terrific sex, The Erotic Mind is a breakthrough exploration of the least understood dimensions of human sexuality - the psychology of desire, arousal, and fulfillment. Sex therapist Dr. Jack Morin offers a new perspective that celebrates the joys of Eros without denying its risks. Based on an in-depth analysis of over 1,000 provocative stories of peak sexual experiences, The Erotic Mind offers clear, accessible guidance on how anyone can utilize their own peak encounters and fantasies as powerful tools of self-discovery.
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The BEST book in sex and psychology
- By Jesse Malan on 09-07-24
By: Jack Morin PhD
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So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex
- Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives
- By: Ian Kerner PhD LMFT
- Narrated by: Ian Kerner PhD LMFT
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Dr. Ian Kerner is a Sherlock Holmes of the bedroom - a sexual detective helping individuals and couples solve the mystery of their sexual distress. His secret weapon? Informed curiosity. Kerner has perfected the art of the “sex script analysis”, a method of inquiry to examine your sex life in action moment by moment. In those details - the what, where, when, and why of your last sexual experience - all the clues of what went wrong are laid bare and the mystery of how to create mutual pleasure can be solved.
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Game changing book
- By M on 08-04-21
What listeners say about Tell Me What You Want
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- John Beaird
- 03-24-21
This book is life-changing
This book is an amazing scientific approach about the truth behind sexual desire. The author goes into detail about anything and everything you could ever want to know about what people desire sexually, why they desire it, and what to do about your own desires. This book will help you understand yourself, your partner(s), and American culture with regards to sexual desire. I recommend it to anyone who is open to learning about statistically common sexual fantasies and their implications on relationships. Overall, this author keeps the story very scientific and factual, being sure to address the possible shortcomings of his study, which adds significantly to his credibility as a researcher.
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- Candace A.
- 06-22-21
Wow, I am full
This book was so informative and exhausting if ingested in one sitting. You really dive into the minds of those around us. I will be reading again for better understanding, all in all a beautiful piece.
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- Yasha
- 01-04-23
Informative
Extremely informative and helpful. Knowing sexual fantasies are normal and most everyone has them. Great information. Highly recommend
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- Kuran W. Bricker
- 01-27-22
Insightful and entertaining!
I heard of this work through a podcast and immediately picked up the audiobook. Wow! It did not disappoint. I listened to it all in one sitting. The author does a fantastic job of describing the research methodology and expertly breaks down the results in an entertaining way.
This book helped me understand my own fantasies and provided insight into the fantasies of my partner. I cannot recommend highly enough! If you only have one credit, use it on this book!
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- Amazon Customer
- 09-03-19
Interesting.
I actually downloaded this thinking that I'd learn about the importance of communicating desires and/or something along those lines. I did, in a roundabout way. Groovy book regardless.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-20-19
Clear and scientific read
Enjoyed it. The author presented the topic in a clear and scientifically way, free of judgement and full of encouragement.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Crystal P Yanez
- 08-22-21
love the book, but I can't find the pdf?
maybe I'm not sure where to exactly look, but is the pdf still available at this time who purchases the book?
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- Clay
- 12-03-23
Educational, informative fact based book!
Surprisingly insightful and educational. I didn't expect it to be based on science and research which definitely increases the validity and trust of what's being presented. Strongly recommend and will be sharing with my fiance to read!
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- Langer
- 10-11-22
Enlightening
After having struggled with understanding, accepting & suppressing my fantasies for years, I gave this book a listen based on a recommended. Turns out, the fantasies I’ve had for so long are normal & fairly common amongst many men & women. Suppressing these fantasies for so long has resulted in immense anxiety, depression & increased marital issues for me. Chapters 8 thru the end of the book went a long way in helping me better understand the role my sexual fantasies have played in all these aspects. It’s given me more confidence & somewhat of a roadmap for sharing with my wife of 20+ years. If you have had fears of sharing your intimate desires with your spouse, I highly recommend at least listening to or reading the last couple chapters at least.
Thanks to the author for putting this book together!
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- shane
- 09-19-23
If you only read one book on sex, read this one.
So informative and yet it felt light and easy to digest. Also Justin has a great voice.
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